OCTOBER, 2003
~and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate
is strength undefeatable."
~~ Helen Keller
October 15, 2003 ~ Emerging From Hiatus ~~ Sometimes life seems to come to a halt and this past month has been like that. There's too much to have to comprehend and yet, I also seem to have lost the ability to follow through on tasks. Writing has been difficult because so much checking and rechecking has to be carried out adding skipped letters, reversed letters, words repeated and trailing thoughts without an ending. Things I do have become a challenge to conquer.
Realization makes it clear that for me it is much easier to write about a problem when I know the projected outcome brings improvement. A stroke does not offer assurance. I know not for sure what lies ahead for me. I'm not sure about anything. Tuesday last week I had changed my summer handbag over to a more suitable one for fall. While getting a few groceries, the strap of the fall bag, I was attacked by the strap. Seems each time I rounded a corner of an aisle, reached for something on a shelf, or picked up an item, the strap would slip off my shoulder. Each time the strap slipped off my shoulder and where it landed on my lower arm leaving an ugly dark bruise. When I got back to the car, my lower arm was bruised halfway up to the elbow. Here it is over a week later and much of the bruising even now is still evident.
October 22, 2003 ~ Courage to Conquer ~~ Hurdles to jump like few times in the past, and so far more time has been spent avoiding them instead of approaching the starting line. Recording events on renewing both knees was a breeze compared to battling with unknown imps skipping along playing havoc with muscles and nerves. Looking back at 1988 when first I experienced the problem of dealing with a stroke isn't much help now. Some things I recognize and can combat, but mostly there is this looming awareness of not really knowing or understanding. Strokes have no set pattern and so many things take place that are never freely recorded. You mention a problem and learn that it is a result of damage caused by the stroke.
Speech and words have been a real challenge once again, but somewhat a different pattern than the first time. Looking at words don't always bring to mind the word honed in on. Often I see or say something entirely different. Thank goodness for spell check. It helps a lot, but then, too, I have to know what it was that I meant to record. Chances are that my train of thought is forgotten if I try to do very much at one time. I find myself having to check and recheck what I write to make it say what I wish to say. There are the times that a word is written but the letters are out of order. Nearly every time I type "and" it comes out "nad." I would be very rich now if I earned money for each time a correction has to be made. Trying to pronounce some words is no better. At times, no matter how hard I try to say the word I'm thinking of, it will not come out sounding as it should.
The hurdle most annoying and hardest to deal with is the pain. There was residual pain caused by nerve damage with the first stroke on the right side and through the pain clinics, therapy, medications, biofeedback, relaxation techniques and my stubbornness, over time I came to accept the pain and live with it. Now it has been intensified to a level I'm not dealing with very successfully. Admittedly, too much time has been spent just doing nothing productive since the pain has been so overwhelming. The online classes were not completed because it was impossible to concentrate and work. Already, the right arm throbs throughout the upper arm and shoulder. I find it necessary to take breaks often in order to rest and recoup. Any simple task has turned into a major ordeal and takes so long to complete. Even the eye hurts and throbs with use. Sometimes there is double vision. I was seeing double when I had my eye exam and the doctor knew nothing to do for it. The workings of the eye itself looked fine, meaning there was no reason for me to be seeing double. My right leg will even wake me up during the brief naps I take throughout the night. Beginning with the hip the pain extends downward all the way to the toes. Moving my leg around does not always relieve the pain and all I can do is endure and accept.
A call to the neurologist, following the extensive bruising on my arm, took overnight before hearing back from him. His only directions were to stop the anti-seizure pills and cut the blood thinner pill down to one-half a day. Nothing was noted about the other problems mentioned when I made the call. There is not an appointment to be rechecked yet and I am left with a grim thought of "maybe I will not be called back." You would think that an appointment would have been made for December while it was still available instead of waiting to be called from a list which has who-knows-how- many-names ahead of mine. Common theory points toward all the appointments in that month being filled.
It is a puzzlement. Enough time has been spent in denial and frustration. Guess the time has come to take an honest look at what I have to work with and what I must learn to handle in some sort of new fashion. Life goes on and there is too much going on for me to stay hidden from others. I only have to figure out how to maneuver around and do things normal-like outside the safety of home. The first step has been taken. I am finally able to record some of what has been happening. It is a reality and will not just fade away. All is up to me and what I choose to make of life from this point on.
October 29, 2003 ~ The Charlie Contravention ~~ Life is full of little quirks and surprises popping up when least expected. Thus is it has been for Charlie, the Yorkie. His life has taken a drastic turnaround and for now he is letting me know that he is not happy with us. He has been having to go to the Vet off and on since about the middle of May. At least four of those times he spent the night taking fluids or being monitored. Nevertheless, with all the blood work ups and exams as well as the two vets discussing Charlie and his symptoms no decision could be made about what had been making Charlie sick. When he ate the bones and sauce of the barbecued ribs he spent three days and two nights with the vet. His blood sugar was high at that time, but a week later, when he had to go back and spend another night for observation and also had two teeth removed, the blood sugar level was fine. He has continued to drag around and sleep lots all through the summer. None of his Yorkshire Terrier traits have been evident for months.
All came out recently. After watching Charlie mope around the house for several days and have difficulty jumping up on the couches, it was time to return to the vet's Office. Once again he spent the night there in the hospital. I gave permission for the staff to take his blood samples up to the hospital to run them through the machines that are more capable of doing the testing of the blood sample and supplies a printed readout of more results. When I called the next morning, I heard the verdict. Charlie is diabetic. His glucose level that morning was 545. It should be the same as humans and be around 100. A shot of insulin was given to him that morning and the vet felt that it would be fine for me to take him home that afternoon. When I picked him up his glucose level was checked again before we left. His blood sugar registered 292 which was still too high, so he got the other shot for the day before we left.
I had to take the prescription to the drugstore to get the H Humlin insulin and the needles so he could get his shot the next morning. I told the pharmacist I would take a box of needles since the prognosis of insulin shots were for the rest of Charlie's life. The bag was small and I saw no needles. When I asked, the girl at the cash register looked in the bag and said that the needles were included. As it turns out, guess I was lucky that there were only ten needles in the one plastic bag found in with the small bottle. The needles were the small insulin type, but they had the one inch point instead of the short 5/8th. That long needle was much too long for a tiny one like Charlie. Five days later, those needles were used up and I purchased a box of ultra fine needles with the short points. They make me feel much better about popping a needle into his skin.
October 30, 2003 ~ Courage to Conquer ~~ The Animal Hospital called the next afternoon checking up on how Charlie was getting along. Our vet said he would feel better about Charlie if I would bring him in and get his glucose level checked. As it turned out his shot was upped a unit and with cautions of keeping a close eye on Charlie and call if any problems happen, we came back home for two days. Our next visit was with another vet (his wife) since our regular one left for a convention. The glucose level was a bit higher, but she explained that it could be dangerous to increase the insulin too quickly with smaller animals and that it was best to keep him on the same amount of units to see how well he adjusted to the shots.
Things went pretty well for us the next three days. Charlie seemed to feel better the following day and ventured up to the houses and trailers located back of my field. I got a phone call asking if Charlie belonged to me. The lady went on to explain that he was playing on her front porch with her two daughters and she was worried that maybe he was lost. No, I told her, he has been up there before and comes back home by himself. I went on to add that there should have been a white dog with him. Malachi was tagging along behind Charlie the last time I saw them in the yard, so it was a save bet he was up on the hill as well. Sure enough, the lady's daughters said that they had seen the white dog but it ran around the house when they tried to get close to it. I rang the bell outside the backdoor and Malachi was home in only a few minutes. Charlie lagged along about twenty minutes later.
Once he arrived at the door, Charlie stopped long enough to look inside and up at me several times as if he was making some sort of decision. He made a decision all right!! He decided he was filling better and that there would be no more shots!! When it was time for his insulin shot he played his let's-get-out-the-doggie-door-game in a vain attempt to escape. He didn't go out the door as he usually does when he doesn't want to do something. He only went part of the way out until I would touch him and then he moved out a little more.r
He didn't go out the door as he usually does when he doesn't want to do something.
He only went part of the way out until I would touch him and then he moved out a little more. He only wanted to send me the message that he didn't like getting those shots. I failed to get a shot in him that evening. He moved faster than I could act and it was impossible for me to hold him and give him his shot.
This game of his continued up until time to go back for a glucose check. I only had to touch him and he made the soft sound of an injured cat. A mere touch of the needle to his skin and he would jerk and let out a low yelp. It couldn't hurt him. He never ever let out a sound of being hurt at any time. Once I would insert the needle he generally would jerk around and catch my hand and yelp louder. He never attempted to bite me. He only would touch my hand showing that he was in charge and didn't want me bothering him. Generally, his movements resulted in me being unsuccessful in my attempts to pop the needle in and discharging his insulin under the skin. If Allan happened to come around during the day, he would give the shot while I held the dog.
The day we were to return to the vet's and get Charlie's glucose checked, he missed his morning shot. When blood was drawn from his front leg, the glucose was higher than when it was checked for the very first time. The vet gave him a shot for me while we were in the office. Yes, Charlie yelped and tried to jerk away from the vet, too. Somehow that insulin had to get into Charlie's system and I had to figure out how to get the job done. What an interesting week filled with interactivity with Charlie to deal with looms just ahead.
October 31, 2003 ~ Charlie's Contravention - Part 3 ~~ So far, Allan, the ex Paramedic with the County, made no offers to help with Charlie and the needle. He talked freely about other Paramedics and EMTs at the Base and their experiences with insulin for some of them and also a toy poodle. Apparently, the poodle after several years does not do any better about getting it's shots. My goal is to find a way with Charlie to administer his insulin without all the battling on his part. It's easy to see that the needle is hardly felt by him as usually he doesn't know when it has been popped into a small area of his skin that is pinched up. His disposition and attitude has to change since he is on strike about a condition that probably will never change for him. He will not win because his health and life is threatened.
The week was filled with Allan and Wes taking turns coming to the house to approach Charlie with a syringe. Wes stopped by in the mornings mostly. He took the boys to their schools and then headed to my house and offer a helping hand. Allan would pick up Buddy Boy from After School Care and come by here for supper and to give the now infamous shot. Wes had to have his truck worked on, so Wendy drove him around that morning; When she walked into the house, she said, "Where's my puppy? Oh, there he is. Come on Charlie, let's get your shot so you will get better." Picking him up in her arms and patting him she ask me if the shot was ready and where was it. I've been fixing it for the boys and leaving it on the corner of the stove top. She picked it up and proceeded to bunch up some loose skin and pop the needle in. Through it all, Charlie acted as if he didn't even know that he was getting a shot.
The visit with the vet this past Monday didn't go as well as it should. Charlie was fed cheese and strips of bacon by Buddy Boy and Giggles - too much of both! For his check up, his glucose level was 292 and his tummy was swollen and tender. All Charlie wanted to do was lie on his back and have his tummy rubbed. The vet gave me some pills for his stomach and a warning: No More Bacon or Cheese. Both of them are much too rich and fatty for any that live with diabetes - human or canine.
Lifestyles have changed here in our household. Malachi and Oreo must have the same foods that are fed to Charlie. There can be no favoritism for one over the others. That rule holds true for Bright, the toy poodle that lives across from us. She comes inside and spends time playing with the dogs and begging for attention and being petted or held for a while. She thinks she is part of our household as well as Ms. Jay's and another household up in the housing development nearby.
Charlie made an appearance in the same development but a different house last Sunday and prompted another call to let us know that he was there. He has never allowed people to get close enough to read his tag and here two separate persons in two different developments have called inquiring about him. Of course he always comes back home by himself, but now each time he goes out, he is warned not to go out of the yard other than to go around the garden and back. That's a good two acres for him to cover and a large field to run around in and sniff out rabbits or mice and chase the squirrels. Underbrush has been left along the bank of the watershed where water generally stands. All sorts of tunnels and paths run in and out along the bank where our other dogs in the past have spent hours panting and chasing shadows and sounds. Duchess was the only one to catch something and bring it back to her doghouse for lunch or supper.
