APRIL 1999~~~continued~~
April 21,1999 - It was a long night of deep relaxation techniques, bio-feedback, meditation, Vitamin C and Flexeril... Yet, I know, "This, too, shall pass..."
April 22,1999 - This will be a busy, busy day. As the sun rises it floods the house with a cheery light. The dogwoods are beginning to show signs of aging. It will not be long until their white turns to snow as the petals begin to shower down with the breezes. The trees are enclosing me into my private cocoon as the new leaves take on their individuality. A softness comes to the sounds of "The Boulevard" as the new leaves absorb and muffle the noise of progress.
Tbird will come early to pick me up this morning. We go to the hairdresser together again. Both of us are getting perms. I share just carry along my immobilizer - just in case. It will not be easy to get around with it on and no one has actually "told" me exactly what or how to do anything for my knee except to say it is soft tissue and it will heal. I do know that it will not bend as it should. It is still much larger than a large grapefruit and when I sit down even in the wheelchair that the foot does not bend down to touch the floor. It has lots of blackness still evident around the knee itself as well as all the way down into the foot now along with those strange colors it can turn as the tissue tries to heal itself. It makes me wonder when I will be able to drive safely again.
As it looks now after our morning at the hairdresser's, who is located just on the other side of Hickory, it would be too much out of the way for us to attempt to come back here to the house. There are some things to do that were not done on Monday's excursion, the boys are to be retrieved after school and taken to their house and left with their Dad. It will be a long day until my 7PM MRI appointment way down on Fairgrove Church Road which is a good 45 minute drive from here. We shall just have to see how the day goes.
April 23,1999 - Yesterday certainly "went!" It turned out to be more of a day than I was able to cope with happily. We got our perms and all went well. I can already see how much I will enjoy mine. The hair is so soft and natural looking. It will be easy to keep up in the weeks and months to come.
There was no enough time to do all that we had planned. I sat in the car with Giggles while Tbird ran into Kmart to look for some type of drawers to use in Mother's room at the Center. They didn't have what we had in mind to use. We ate a late lunch in the car and then I continued to sit in the car while she is a Martial Arts Class at the school with the after-school kids. Her two boys decided to sit out with me instead of taking part in the class. (Grandmas can cause things like that sometimes.)
When we got to Tbird's house I was ready to rest some. The moment I put my legs up, the muscle spasms started. They were relentless. They jumped back and forth from one leg to the other. I took 4000 mg's of Vitamin C and drank water to try to alieve them. Finally it was time to leave for my MRI. I could only hope that I would get through the process without having the spasms mess up everything.
MRI. Sounds mysterious. People know little about it. It is a process that can play havoc with one's mind. You walk into the room minus anything that may be magnetic. There in the middle of the room it looms. It is huge, It has this tiny hole in the middle of it. You notice the bright light that is on behind it and feel some breeze moving in the room.
I have been here before. This is my fifth trip in fact. The last time was for my left knee and only my legs went into the hole. This time I know that I go all the way in it. It is a long hole and it is a small hole. There is no room for moving or looking around. At least for this time, a headset is placed on my ears for listening to some of my favorite music and a washcloth is folded and placed across my eyes. I can open my eyes, but I see the light from the other end and I feel the air as it blows through. The process takes about 40 minutes total. I lie there, taking deep breathes, praying, meditating, and concentrating on bio-feedback to keep my legs exactly as they lay so as not to spasm and move causing me to repeat the process. If I had been at home I could have taken some Flexeril to help with them. I survive it and just as I move to get up off the narrow table, the left leg goes into a severe spasm. I made it through the MRI!.
The man before me had never had an MRI. It was his first time, but even thought he was apprehensive about it. We talked some and I assured him that the noise was probably the hardest to take. The lady that came after me was distraught! She had taken some nerve pills, but was so upset that she took more while she waited for me to finish. As it ended up, her daughter had to accompany her into the room and sit with her through the MRI. Somehow I feel it takes just as much energy to psyche oneself up as it would to work yourself into a frenzy and would be much better for the blood pressure. There have been many, many people to take these and live to tell about it. Here at this hospital the first and second shift technicians are busy doing out patients. The third shift does the ones in the hospital.
April 24,1999 - Sometime in my getting up and down on Thursday. I apparently burst another blood vessel in my right knee. I stayed in bed all day yesterday with the leg elevated. I have some antibiotics here so I started taking them just in case there may be some inflammation, because, it is hot, swollen and awfully red! The back is hurting pretty much as well. I gave it a more than good workout before the MRI. If there is a problem, it should have been irritated enough to show up on the pictures taken.
Allen and Tbird both have been by and given me "down the road" (sort of) for not calling the doctor yesterday about my knee. All considered, not that much has been explained or offered about it so far, so I wondered about the merits of making a call. I promise that when I call the first of the week about the MRI, I'll mention the new episode I am having.
One has to know my Mother in order to appreciate some of the things she does. I chalk it up to her Parkinson's Disease Mode. This week she has been taking her clothes out of the closet and "ironing" them and "straightening", etc. Today she attacked the shelf full of her crafting things she has been keeping close by to work on. She called to tell me that the yarns, dolls, towels, cards, old TV Guides, shoes and whatever else were all on her bed and I needed to them fixed for her. (Mother Dear, I can not drive now!) I wonder what they are thinking over there when they walk into her room. It took her two days to get her clothes back in the closet because of the back pain she was experiencing when working on them.
April 25,1999 - DynoKid's birthday was last weekend and he chose to go to Carolwinds for a day of fun and games. He is an easy-going laid-back fellow and only rode some of the larger rides for the first time because he was tall enough to ride them and his big brother loves them more than anything. No way was he going to allow "Bro'der" see him turn down a ride! Mom rode beside him on each of them and he held on firmly as he rode. After riding one of the especially high and fast ones, he got off and as he walked away he brushed his hands together and said, "Whee, I survived that one!"
Today the family celebrates his birthday with him at Hickory Dickory Dock. (I think my big "children" are looking forward to crawling and playing on and in the huge indoor playground together.) I am choosing not to go with them. The knee is still badly swollen and it is more a deep fiery red than the purple it was the first time I injured it. It hurts, too, so I will stay here and keep it elevated yet another day. Looks as if I will have to ask some medical advice about it. Of course, I was not really given any the first time except that "it will heal."
I have been thinking of the mentors of my life and how they have affected my choices made throughout different phrases. Each of us have our parents that help mold us into what we are ultimately.
Many of our lifelong ideals are in place long before we enter the school world and begin adding on from other children and teachers. AO chose to take me on as a lifelong understudy. At an early age she had me reading psychology books, telling me that those were the things going on in my life; or that was why I was doing such and such…
She helped me to realize what it was that I did not want to become as I grew older. I constantly searched for better ways of living.
Even now, over forty-five years later, I still see the image of my speech specialist that began a new avenue of living for me. She worked with me in Chapel Hill, NC, at the March of Dimes Camp and literally turned my world around by teaching me to talk not by sound, but by feel. She showed me the placement for sounds that I did not hear. Even today my speech relies on word association with other words I already know. Why would I think of that today? For several years I have had an awful time with the word, Echinacea. It has been a word that no matter what I have not been able to conquer its pronunciation. Yesterday, the association finally dawned on me! Now it is a word that I will no longer mispronounce. What word does it associate with my own needs? Echo! It was the "ech" that kept throwing me off. There are many more words throughout my vocabulary that fall into the same category of uncertainty, but they are words I seldom use or need.
AO is now gone as my mentor. The therapist is long gone. Betty Dula is gone. As I ponder on today, it seems that my own children are becoming my mentors. I look to them for help and understanding. Not as a child needing direction and instruction, but as an adult looking for alternatives and solutions, making more educated choices. Each of them have their own specialties to draw upon. Each unique in his or her own way. I am fortunate to have them here and to have a caring, loving relationship with each of them.
April 26,1999 - I noticed during the night that Charlie did not jump up on my bed. I remember thinking that he must be pouting about something. I wondered what… Come morning and I am up walking through the house and notice that Charlie is not to be found. Did he happen to get out? No, Allen came in, but he has the gate closed after him. I know he would not let the dog get by it. Would he be caught somewhere? It is hard to tell, because when he gets in trouble, no way will he make a sound to let me know! I think back and remember that Tbird came by late last evening. She ran downstairs and got some window cleaner she saw down there to take home with her. Ah! Ha! That had to be it. Mister Nosy had to slip down there with her!
I had no one to call for help. I could not wait around wondering all day. Charlie would not make a sound. I used the wall to slide against for support and descended the steps to open the door at the bottom. Sure enough, when I opened the door, a brownish blur flew up the steps! Oh, that I wish I could climb the stairs as quickly. I made it back up, but at a much slower rate to find a very happy Charlie busily investigating everything and acting like he had been gone for a much longer time.
I had to call and beg out of taking part in the birthday get-together for Ms. Jay today. That meant missing the Quilter's Luncheon as well. As the knee goes, I was unable to go out today. It is still swollen, red and this last time, there is pain I didn't have following the fall. I strongly suspect that there is inflammation.
I called the doctor's office and left a message about my knee and to ask about the MRI. The doctor's medical secretary called back. In her words, "Honey, I have your MRI results here in front of me. There are so many things going on I'm not sure what to tell you. I'll have to have the doctor look at them in the morning and get back to you. Meanwhile, keep your knee elevated and use ice packs, and I'll ask him about it, too."
Tbird calls to say that DynoKid is running a fever. She picked him up from school and is on the way to the doctor with him. She calls again to say that he has strep throat again! He hurt his foot while playing at Hickory Dickory Dock on Sunday. The office sends him over to the hospital to have it x-rayed. I have to call to tell her cleaning lady not to come today. There is no way she can meet her at the house as scheduled.
Is this an indication of how the week will be? I wonder…..
Allen runs in long enough to say he will run to the store for me tomorrow…
Wes comes by and brings in Sunday's two newspapers and the mail and BingoKid took time to give Elsie Dawg some fresh water and food…
April 27,1999 - I spent the day thinking that every time the phone rang, it was my call from the doctor's office. It never happened. The call did not come. By evening, my knee is much redder, hot and has a stinging burn inside…. I have to wonder about the MRI and what it showed as well. I will just have to call them first thing in the morning.
I had tried to complete a hat I was making for the Quilter's Guild for yesterday and didn't get it done. This morning Ms. Jay came out and did some of her quilting while I completed the hat. We are making hats to be given out by the Morganton Hospital to cancer patients that loose their hair or just need to have protection from the sun. Surely, I can get several done now before our meeting next month! This first one I made using upholstery material which has a lot of body. I want to make some with lighter weight cloth and add a fabric flower on the brim. I may even make one for myself. Using the Methatrexate, I am supposed to keep out of the sun.
Cotton calls from New Jersey on her cellular phone. She has just left the doctor's office. One of her blood work tests came back in the bad range. She is scheduled for another test at the hospital on Thursday. I only hope and pray that all will be well for her and the baby. We are all so excited about it. She is on her way to teach her agility dog class and can't talk long. She says that this is really a busy week for her - even before her doctor's visit. I must let the others know.
Lady came to clean this evening again. We seem to really get along well together. Tonight she got a lot of my clothes organized and folded for me and started cleaning on the kitchen. (I just hope I don't run her off by working her too hard. The way things have been this past week, I have done the least amount of things around the house than has been accomplished for ages. I had not even washed any of the clothes or dishes. Most of my time has been on the bed with my leg elevated.) She has offered to come one Saturday during the day and clean windows for me. I enjoy her company and the time she spends here. She was doing so much for me here at the house this evening that she was having to rush to get to the hospital on time for her night's work there.
April 28,1999 - Allan shows up bright and early today to burn some brush at the end of the garden he had piled up when he pruned the apple and pear trees, since we got a good rain yesterday. Not only did we have rain, we had thunderstorms and had a power outage for about an hour or so. That's unusual for us. I learned later that one of the radio stations had been off for most of the evening following one of the storms.
Monday I stayed off the computer because of the threat of the virus. At this time I am still without an anti-virus program on the computer. I must get me one downloaded. Yesterday, I was off most of the afternoon and evening because of the storms. Perhaps, today I will spend a little time updating some of my websites. Then again I may end up with the leg elevated. I do believe that I have some infection in it. The redness and stinging are still there.
I call the doctor's office bright and early only to be asked to leave a message again. So today is another day of wait and see. If I don't hear from him I will just have to call my regular family doctor for assistance. I will feel better with a second opinion other than my own. I am only guessing by what I see and am experiencing. Meanwhile I am still taking the antibiotics that I have here. It is a ten day dosage. It hopefully is helping.
The evening comes and no call from the doctor's office. I have plenty of calls from others asking what I have found out. All I can say is that I will let them know when I hear anything myself. I promise the family that I will call first thing in the morning and make an appointment to see the doctor. No more waiting to hear from them. At this point in my life, another day, week or month to learn anything about my back is no big deal. It has been a part of my life far too long to worry about it at this late date.
I got the scrappy log cabin quilt top finished for Giggles. Now to get it together and quilted. That is the part that I seem to lag behind on. I have enough squares made to put another top together. BingoKid is begging for a quilt with this pattern. Perhaps I will go ahead and make it for him. It should mean something to him in the years ahead. Tomorrow I must get out a quilt my aunt left with me over a year ago to put together for her. She wants to quilt it for her sister to use at the lake. I am going to have to take it apart and re-cut the squares to make them uniform and then do the stripping throughout the top. Once it is done I will probably be able to put up the machine for awhile.
April 29,1999 - This month is almost over! Tomorrow would have been AO's 95th birthday. I miss having her around to spend time with. Going to Hickory is just not the same now that she is gone and someone else is living in the homeplace. Now when I travel down the highway to Hickory I marvel at the changes that have taken place since the last time I made the trip. There is always something new that has gone up or is being built.
The dogwood trees have lost all their white petals. With the rain, the oak trees have tripled their leaves overnight. Blackberry Winter is here. The blackberries are in bloom. That means hot weather is on its way now. A humming bird flew up to my window - I should put out some food for it. The Youth Fair is this week at the County Fairgrounds (maybe that is what brought all the rain?)
Enough stalling! Time to make that phone call…. I call this time to make an appointment to get my knee checked. Monday is the earliest I can get in. I call to let Tbird know what to plan.
Not even thirty minutes later, the doctor's secretary calls me. It seems that my file has been on the doctor's desk since Monday. He tried to call and could not get me and then I got lost in the shuffle, I guess. There is a broken bulging disk showing on the MRI in my lower back. She is not sure just what he may opt to do about it and said she could not schedule any surgery at this time. She did however change my Monday appointment to tomorrow afternoon. I feel better about having my knee checked then instead of having to wait. The back does not surprise me, nor does it excite me to think he may be able to do something for it. I will have to hear what he has to offer. Years ago I wore a back brace for it - so who knows!
It's another rainy, painy sort of day for me. Ms. Jay is coming out later for a while. Maybe I will get the other quilt out and work on it… I do better when I can keep busy doing something.
April 30,1999 - Happy Birthday, AO!
"I'm off to see the wizard, the won..der..ful," ...... OH! That's not quite right! It's, "I'm off to see the doctor, the ......"
The trip to Hickory to talk with the doctor was not all that productive. After over thirty years why would I have expected more? Basically, the bottom two vertabre of my spine are "gone". There is some inflammation around the area. I can still get the shot of cortisone into the spine area to see if it would help. End of discussion. Oh, I got samples of a different arthritis prescription to try and see if it helps. I did hear that there is some phibitis in my knee area. I have to stay off of it for a while yet and then begin to use it according to what the pain level says. If I don't injure it again it should be all right. I go back again in June.
We drove by Tbird's house to pick up NascarKid's soccer outfit before getting them from school. We were abruptly stopped when we started to descend the hill to the pond. There was a pine tree blown down across the drive. Fortunately, the neighbor was there and happened to have his chain saw in his truck. He was able to drive under the tree and was going to leave it as it was… But, he took time to saw the tree into pieces so it could be moved out of the way. My Explorer would not have gone under the tree without suffering some scratches!
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© 1999 by Stormy Jeanne