JULY~~page4

July 24,1999 - Wonder if anyone else has taken enlightenment of the new word that is being overly injected into sentence after sentence in all areas of expertise. Once upon a time you were always hearing the word "you know" habitually in the course of a conversation or speech. Then along came the ever popular "okay?" over and over again, but never an opportunity to reply yea or nay. Or, how about the famous, "you see?' and again with no answer expected. All that in no way includes the "er's", or stumbling for the next word, or the mumbling just under one's breath.

Now when you tune into a sports event and one is describing an action, what do you hear? EXACTLY! What comeback could be better. That one explains it all in one declaration. Such an easy way to carry on a conversation or interview or replication to inquiries.

Talk show replies? "Exactly"
Crafts and how to's? "Exactly"
Book and movie reviews? "Exactly"
News reports and weather? "Exactly" (Of course)
So on it goes … someone asks or explains and the answer?
EXACTLY!
Wonder if anyone is in reality interested in what I have been observing?
exactly

Wonder whatever happened to other words like: precisely, correctly, unequivocally, strictly, specifically, accurately, methodically, punctiliously. exactly!

Bright and early was the word of the day for me. Needing to be over at the nursing center before 10 am and have Mother signed out and ready to go by the time Wes arrived to help with her took priority. As it turned out we were just a little later than we had planned getting off and running. I got to wear my new dress that I bought to wear to church for Easter and then couldn't make it to church. Having it made my choice of what shall I wear much easier. Thankfully, it had short sleeves for this hot and humid day. Mother asked for long sleeves. I took her a choice of a short sleeved with a jacket and a long sleeved dress. Luck of the draw, or with help of the CNA that fixed her up so pretty, she was wearing the short sleeved one.

The wedding was beautiful. The bride especially radiate in her gown. The children in the wedding party were remarkably tuned in to the ceremony. The lighting of the Unity Candle was unusually unique. I noticed that extra candles were placed around the Unity Candle and thought, "How neat! Such a pretty way to add more to the decoration." However, when it was time for lighting the one larger candle, it was lit as a family; not as a couple. Both of her sons and his son joined them and together the five candles were lifted together lighting the candle as one. The least one just barely could reach up high enough on tiptoe to join in. What a handsome new family there together dressed in their formal tuxedos, each in agreement with the others.

They had wanted Mother to sit on the pew, but as it turned out we felt it best to leave her in her wheelchair. She was wheeled over to the outer end of the pew so as not to interfere with the main aisle. I sat beside her, and the other Grandmother came over and sat with us. We really had better seats for watching the ceremony. From there it was out the door and around to the Cake Cutting downstairs - after the traditional pictures of course.

The wedding cake was much too pretty to even try to describe. With columns, bunches of pink flowers and a fountain, and surrounded by two more decorated cakes and bunches of white balloons floating up on each side of the table, we stationed Mother close by so she could see. Looking the situation over I knew that I would not attempt to sit. The chairs were the folding ones. The last time I sat in one was at Giggles baby dedication service. It took two to help me get up; not to pull on me or anything, but to hold two other chairs for me to push from. This time I propped on the back of the wheelchair, my cane and leaned against the wall. We let others come to us and did not try to circulate any. I was grateful to have Wes to help with Mother, he certainly didn't need to have to worry about me.

As we went out to leave, the limousine was parked directly behind our car, so we got to watch the birdseed throwing as Bride and Groom dashed for it. This was definitely the longest limo in this area. It is one that you would refer to as being a block long. We drove by the Park where the bar-be-cue followed and looking over the site, and feeling the heat, we decided that we best not try myself or Mother there. Methinks perhaps, my son was concerned about me and not being able to lend an arm if the need should arise. The heat index was 108 degrees I heard later. BJ and his wife brought a large plate of food by later in the afternoon for supper.

I was glad to get home. It was another of those times of muscle spasms in both legs for me. My feet were already beginning earlier and I rode home with my shoes off, trying to fend off the spasms. When one leg was down, the other would hurt, if that one was down, the other one would begin. It was coming from my lower back. Finally, I was able to ease pillows under both knees and hit a happy median for a while. Surprisingly, my fingers are almost as painful as my back and legs. The first joints in both hands are extremely painful and the end digits are all throbbing. I would almost think that it is more of a reaction to cold, but there is no cold to affect them. They are all dark red as well.

Would I repeat today? Yes, the enjoyment far outweighed the rest of what I often experience anyway. So why not throw in some fun along the way? I get to see the family so very little as it is … The fun seldom comes. The prain and pain are never far away. Yes, we did have thunderstorms this afternoon and there is an advisory for flash flooding until later tonight. At least the frogs have decided to be less noisy lately. They are lurking; may they decide to move away.

July 25,1999 - The night progressed; of the degree as it was. All during the hours of want-a-be rest, journals are composed and filed away never to be brought forth from the darkness. The reality that thoughts are allowed to formulate and be considered is a giant stride for me. Time was when they were not allowed to materialize; it being easier to deny the dictation of physical movement and resulting distress. I rise and through the throbbing white hot sense of numbness and discomfort both vying for first place, I reach for the night stand to steady my delicate balance, then a grasp for the chair back, the corner of the dresser, the door casing, the wall. I am still mobile. I am not moving as I had so desired and dreamed that I might. I know now that my success is in being able to keep moving; no matter what.

Time was when one would take pen in hand to record and create words. Now it is computer on lap and keys at hand to let the words flow into some sort of order and yes, at times, disorder. There are those that are able to speak to the computer and have the oral words written likewise. For me speech is a much slower form of relating what flees so quickly through my thoughts. Who knows what may emerge as time passes.

We are looking ahead to a week of extreme torridity according to the forecast. Highs in the mid 90's and lows in the 70's at night. That means higher temperatures by the heat index and more ozone uncertainties. Undoubtedly I am pleased I got to the bank on Friday. This seems to be a wonderful week to hole up and hibernate indoors with the air conditioner. Along with the trusty sentry performance of Charlie I am well protected. He has unquestionably been busy with some species of activity outdoors this morning. Probably squirrels, or it could be the neighbors. He doesn't bother to go outdoors. The windows are working keenly for one so miniature and boisterous.

July 26,1999 - Another day of mid-nineties hear wave and this is only July. We were talking at our Quilter's Guild today. August, September and October have proven in the past to be our hottest days. What lays ahead for us besides the draught conditions that are developing along with the heat? It concerns me that Allan is working out in this weather. He takes along his cooler filled with Gatorade, but it isn't his style to stop. He has inherited from his grandfather the ability to set a pace and stay with a job until it is done. I often forget the strength that my children inherited, both physical and endurance wise. (Not from me, but from their father and his father.)

I came home and rested for awhile and left again to spend a little time with Mother. This time she was wanting some sharp cheddar cheese. Her sister had brought some up to her and she sent it to me because she was afraid someone would help themselves to it, if placed in the refrigerator there at the center. Another ploy for her to use as well. She is so much frailer than she will ever acknowledge, as she continues to say that if she were home she could literally do everything and anything.

For some reason I am having more cramps in my hands and feet. Today every little bit my left hand acts as if it is trying to turn in two different directions at the same time. The two fingers on the outer side try to pull away and down. I am having to be careful how I move my arm and hand to reduce the chance of it happening so often. I sat most of the time I was at the Guild so my legs have not been the problem that they could be if they were a mind to.

The meeting actually began early this morning with members toting in machines and materials to work together on a mystery quilt. Even by lunch time, they still did not know the answer to the mystery. Those of us that came only for the lunch and business meeting had the pleasure of seeing a sample of what they were all working toward. It will be exciting to go back and see the finished work of each of them at later meeting. Next month we have our Catered Challenge Luncheon at the Community House when we share the nine patch masterpieces worked on this year. Once again, I have not worked on one.

July 27,1999 - The lazy-hazy days of summer. How can it be so hot and yet be cloudy! No, it is not smog causing the clouds. The ozone count is not in that high a level yet. Thirty percent chance of thundershowers today, but more likely to be tomorrow. I shall stay in today.

Cotton made the comment not long ago in one of her phone calls that she never imagined that I would ever be "homebound". It all depends on one's perception of the term I suppose. It is not one that I had really considered myself. Yet looking at the options and choices, I have come to a point in my lifestyle that it is easier to stay home than to venture out alone. To call on others is a difficult thing for me to do. Perhaps it is a throwback on the years of caring for AO. She would never allow her neighbors and friends to do things for her. She would always call me to come from Lenoir to Hickory to take her to the bank, to buy groceries, doctor visits, church, and whatever else.

In her words, I was "family" and the others were not, so therefore, family takes care of itself. I have this thing about no wanting to intrude of the private lives of my family - perhaps because I was always having to plan around this and that to take care of things for her. I loved doing things for her though and there is a huge void in my life now that she is gone. Trips to Hickory are not the joy they once were. Home is gone. A peaceful haven to stop, rest and visit is no longer. Her's was the only real home I ever had until I married.

The thunderstorm has arrived. Perhaps the rest of the day will be a little cooler.

Cotton called to touch base. This is the first I've heard from New Jersey since Tbird's crew landed there. She started back home yesterday and stopped overnight. It took 15 hours to drive up straight through with the baby and boys. Cotton is worn out from traipsing around with them. Seems they spent ten hours pounding the streets of New York City. DynoKid didn't take too kindly to having to go atop the Twin Tower. That was not his favorite stop. I'll hear more from the tired travelers once they have landed again back here in good ol' North Carolina.

A call to Alabama by my cousin confirmed that Aunt Dolly is doing okay with her broken elbow. They were going to try to find a doctor to take out the clamps from her surgery when the pin was placed. There are no doctors in the town where they live. I know that once they had to go into Florida to the nearest doctor when they lived in a nearby town. She is going to have to stay down there until she is able to get around and do things for herself. Mother misses talking with her so I really do need to dial the number one day soon while I'm at the center and let them talk together.

My uncle called from Indiana today as well. This had been the day to swap the news and touch base with everyone - well, just about everyone. It's good to hear from family.

July 28,1999 - They're back! Yes, they got back from New Jersey yesterday afternoon and the boys were here this morning to spend most of the day. Mom had a doctor's appointment, followed by a meeting at school with the new guidance counselors for the system this year and then after lunch she was off to find a place for Giggles since the sitter backed out on keeping her this coming school year. She is on the list for Pre-School where the boys went, but luckily there is a new place opening up toward the end of August and a good chance she can get in (They know Mom and have worked with both the boys before they started in school.) The good Lord has a way of looking after us, if we take a moment and trust Him. For two or three weeks, I will have to keep her for the mornings and her Daddy will pick her up and keep her in the afternoons. He will be keeping her two days a week as scheduled throughout the school year.

Tomorrow the boys will be back for a few hours while Mom has lunch somewhere and they have to be gone in time for me to make my own doctor's appointment mid afternoon. Then, too, my own Mom wants me to come over to see her for a while. Maybe we will be able to buy a watermelon and take her some in the morning. It's sort of nice staying indoors during this hot spell we are having. It is a little cooler today, but that's not saying much.

The phone must have rang twelve times or more today. Seems every time I turned around, it was to answer the ringing. Mother was probably four or five of those, then of course the incessant lurchers that keep trying to push unwanted sells over the wire. No I do not care for new windows, or new cabinets, the roof is fine and the outside of the house is good for at least ten or more years. I no longer accept any "free" offers of magazines and such. There is no such thing as "free", at least not by my definition of the word. Perhaps, it would be good to keep a dictionary close at hand and read the definition to the other end of the line.

Then on second thought, the e-mail is quickly catching up with the telephone and snail mail. It is amazing how fast I file away the biggest majority of my mail in the recycling box or trash. There is no getting away from so much unsolicited and unwanted junk. My father has been dead nearly as long as my husband and yet both of them are still getting mail. My Mother was already okayed for a huge amount of money because she was a homeowner. That's news to us. She has never owned a home and certainly doesn't own the Nursing Center where she now lodges. Of course, the statements that take up the majority of what remains after pigeonholing the undesired is not really needed . Which reminds me, one of the calls today was from the hospital from way back when I had the MRI on my left knee before the first surgery. I'm sure I sent them a payment, but now I have to go back and canvass my records and get back to them. That was about two years ago! And now they call?

July 29,1999 - Slow is the word for today. Some way I missed resting yesterday afternoon. Instead of me resting I held Giggles while she slept and Mom did some computer work. Guess I must be a good teacher! She turned it on, found her program, and did her work without any outside help. That computer hands-on while working on the Nationals was my one contribution to improving her skills this year.

Midnight and I was still wide awake. One AM? Awake. I watched Bewitched on TV, but after the program the TV was turned off. I still have the tree frogs to serenade me. Two, three AM? Yes, no shut eyes. Somewhere for a short time I dozed off. Today right when I normally would rest, is my doctor's appointment. I would have preferred to go right after lunch because the wait time is shorter. I had no choice this time since my appointment was changed because he will be out of town next week.

Before long the boys will be here to stay for a few hours. Just so they know that I am in slow motion. So glad they are able to do things on their own and sort of look after each other.

The boys came, stayed a while and went on to swim some at camp. I got ready and made my trek to the doctor's office. A lady that worked as a teaching assistant way back when at the same school with me came in for an appointment as well. I got some blood taken to see if it shows any reason for the spasms I have been having lately. Meanwhile I am to take Magnesium and Calcium twice a day to see it helps. That doesn't really help the depression I seem to be experiencing this summer. I told the doctor that it has been difficult to accept the fact that I can not do some of the things that I had hoped I could after the knee repairs.

The fall and prolonged time to get back everything from when I messed up my knee has not helped. He said that some of my symptoms could be results of the stroke, but the fact that some of them are on the left side rules that out. My stroke was on the right. I could not help but wonder about Parkinson's since Mother has it, but he assured me that the pattern is different. Whatever it may be it does get worse when I am tired.

Getting so paranoid about going out alone, a fear of taking another tumble, relying on the wheelchair and cane have all made their indention's upon my self image. Now I find myself with two canine sidekicks that are getting to depend on having me around them more and more. They know some of my moves better than I know myself and are very protective.

July 30,1999 - This was not your standard run-of-the-mill prototype morning. Hot and humid? Yes! What was so different? The amount of daylight. At nine a.m. I am having to use the lights in the house. This is most bizarre. As I drive down to Hickory for my new permanent, the wind blows as if there was a storm raging. At one point it even caused my car to swerve. By lunch time, all the haze and clouds were gone, the wind had quieted and the heat turned to steam. Heat index today ranged between 105 and 110. Tomorrow the temperature itself is to hit 100 and Sunday is supposed to be hot and then some cooler more normal weather patterns will mosey through the area. What little interval I am outside saps my energy, such as it is.

It is mid afternoon till I return home and rest some. It dawns on me that I have called in my prescriptions and need to make another excursion out to pick them up. I waited till later in the evening to venture out. I was only gone about thirty minutes. It was an expensive thirty minutes in which I did not even have to leave my car. I figure it cost me about $12 a minute by the time I approached the drive-thru at the drugstore and picked up my medicines. I treated myself to the drive-thru at the yogurt and ice cream store being that it has been so sizzling hot all day. Of all the delicious flavors to choose from I drive from this place with a cup of vanilla which I wait until I am back home to indulge and take pleasure from the smooth cold tasty treat.

A basket of goodies from the garden was dropped off here this evening. I have squash, cucumbers, peas, several types of tomatoes and peppers. Since they will be leaving early in the morning and will be gone for the week, they were checking the garden before leaving and also wanted to remind me to have Allan to check and take care of the veggies while they are gone. I had a home-grown tomato sandwich for supper this evening. Nothing tastes finer than a tomato fresh from the vine that has been allowed to hand on it's branches until it turns a plump, deep luscious red color. The supermarket tomatoes lack the gusto of the home-grown ones. Guess I will probably freeze a few this week unless I happen to find a few people that would love to make use of some for themselves.

July 31,1999 - Seven A.M.! That is exceedingly too early for folks to be calling me this morning. It is Tbird inviting me to motor up the mountain with her and Giggles this morning. Sure, why not. It will be a nice ride up there and back. Shouldn't be gone too terribly long. Her appointment is at ten so she will be by about nine to pick me up. She calls to say she is on her way, but running a little late so can I be out at my car and ready to go. Sure, why not. It is supposed to be the hottest day on record for the week, but it is still early. I mess around in the house and give her a little more time. Then I traipse out to the mailbox (cane in hand) and get my morning paper. I sit in the car with the door open and read the paper while I wait. I wait and I anticipate. I wait some more. Something must have happened. She should have been here long ago. It is already about 9:30.

Since I don't have my car phone with me, I go back into the house. The answer machine is flashing so I know that she has tried to get me. In fact she had called twice and her hubby had called once. There had been a wreck just after she crossed the river. A pickup truck had skidded across the road and landed upside-down against an embankment. There was a fatality and the traffic would be halted for a while. Tbird had to turn around and take a 20 mile detour to travel about six miles. The doctor had said for her to come on up; not to worry about being late. He actually was running behind anyway and someone had canceled an eleven o'clock appointment I found out after we arrived. (Good thing it wasn't Monday. The highway going up the mountain will be closed for 12 hours or more. That means an hour and a half detour to get from here to there.)

A brief stop at Wally World. I find that the tablets the doctor told me to get are not kept on the shelves, but with the pharmacist. The bottle is nearly $20. I just happened to find two shirts that were yelling, "Buy me! Buy me! Please! Take me away from here." I had no choice, but to take them home. Except we didn't go home.

We stopped at the Japanese Restaurant for a quick lunch and then I rode over to Tbird's house to see how the painters are doing with the painting - or rather - staining of the logs was looking. Seems the first time it was done (new) the fellows spray painted the logs. They did not absorb the stain as they should have and the logs were down to pure wood and no stain to protect them. This time the stain is being put on with rollers and the logs are drinking up many a gallon of protection.

I picked up the boys and Giggles and brought them home with me. NascarKid carried the car seat and baby for me from the car into the house. I also parked right at the door of a grocery store and let the boys go in and buy some canned drinks on sale for them to drink today and next week while they are with me. Mom begins work on Monday. Just as we got home, who else should arrive but BingoKid and BusyKid and family.

BingoKid was excited because Dad was letting him use the mower and do my yard and field. With supervision he and NascarKid both got to work some on the mowing using the Kabota. Mission accomplished; all was done. Meanwhile Wes and I worked on a picture of NascarKid his brother and sister to add to Giggles page. Scanning from the picture does not do the end result justice. The other pictures of Giggles were uploaded from a floppy. What a difference! I must see if Andy could maybe start getting some of his done on the floppies as well. Tbird was surprised when I told her that she was related to Andy. His Grandmother who lived to be about 100 was my Grandmother's sister.

AUGUST, 1999