Nature Songs ~~~~
I have praised many loved ones in my song,
And yet I stand
Before her shrine, to whom all things belong,
With empty hand.
~~Theresa Helburn
March 1,2000 - Allie beats us to Quest this morning. She is the early bird any more and strives to get in all her new exercises. My leg got that same pain in it today in the pool that I had so early the other morning. I had to just balance on the right leg and try not to use the left one for the last twenty minutes or so of our exercising. I found that I could hop on one leg across the pool - not bad! If the problem keeps up, guess I will have no choice but ask the doctor about it when I go back this month to get my right knee checked. It still has some of the bruising still showing from the fall last April. It also has that funny looking knot that sticks out on it.
Lady comes to clean house later in the afternoon. Shortly after she gets here, Tbird arrives to defrost my freezer for me. Tomorrow I get my new supply of food delivered and they require that the freezer is prepared beforehand. We (actually, she) took all the deer meat downstairs and put it in the freezer of that refrigerator since it has been empty since Wes and his crew moved out. That gave us a lot more room for frozen food upstairs. While Tbird worked on the freezer and Lady cleaned, I had to duty of fixing something to eat for the three little ones. Giggles wasn't very hungry. She was happy to take a bottle and then dropped off to sleep. DynoKid ended up eating three packs of instant oatmeal and NascarKid enjoyed eating some biscuits I baked for him. It doesn't take a lot to make them happy when it comes to food. I just have to be sure and keep it on hand.
I managed to get all my squares pressed and ready to lay out to determine which design I want to use for my jacket. I have a pretty good idea what I want. I have a notion to just sit down and sew them in that sequence and not try any of the other choices. It would be diagonal lines which I think would look better when I wear it than some of the other choices. I just have to decide if I want the lighter color on top or the darker color on top. Decisions, decisions, decisions! Life can be so complex at times.
March 2,2000 - I had to get out early this morning and move the Explorer to the front drive. Giggles went with me to Quest, and Dad had to leave her carseat and stroller for us to use. Ms. Jay helped me with her again, but I did bring her out to the car by myself after we were through with exercising and had Giggles all ready to go by the time Ms. Jay came out to join us. Using the stroller instead of carrying her in my arms worked well for me. I was able to put my gear across the handles of the stroller and actually could walk better by using it.
I barely got back home this morning and low and behold! The food man came early. Thank goodness I got back home before he arrived. My food is delivered from Greensboro and usually the truck comes closer to the time they tell me to look for them. This time he was over an hour early. All went well and before long he had my freezer packed with all sorts of goodies and was on his merry way to the next household. I barely had time to feed Giggles and put her down for a much needed nap beforehand. That left me free to check off the items on the invoice as they were packed into my freezer, making sure all was accounted for and indeed delivered. I'm always impressed how these men can come in, take a quick assessment of space and empty so many boxes into such a small space.
Allan's friend was supposed to call me about refinishing my kitchen cabinets this afternoon, too. I did not hear form him. However, I'm not too sure that I am ready for his work. I sort of dread the dust, smell, disorganization of the kitchen and such as any such project seems to bring with it. The cabinets do need to be worked on, but what I would like to do to them and what probably will be done are miles apart. I'm thinking: crackle finish to lighten up the kitchen, but keep a look of the white pine. Allan has talked: sand and refinish as originally done, which will leave some of the gouging scars caused by years of constant use.
Meandering through Kmart this evening, I found way too many things to catch my fancy. Somehow some clothes for working out at Q4L jumped into the cart ( Capri length pants so I won't blister a knee again?). There were the shoes for the pool(they tie and will fit better during the walking, etc.), a toy lawnmower for Giggles (to encourage her to walk a little quicker), some empty zip files (to use for my growing genealogy files), and finally some cokes for mother (since she is now out of them and reminding me much too often of the fact.) Thirty minutes spent in line at the drive-through so I can take mother a Wendy's frosty to enjoy while I have a late supper with her and I am on my way to the center for a short visit. Kissing mother goodnight, I notice that her only seeing eye is red, inflamed and has yellow matter in it. The nurse is in the room giving Mother her evening medicines and takes a look at it, too. That is not a good sign. The doctor will have to be called before anything can be done to treat the eye and that will hopefully be tomorrow. He will not be by to visit Mother until next Wednesday.
The EMS got a call to come to the Whitnel area - not far from where I live actually - this past Saturday to pick up a gunshot victim. It ended up that Allan got in the middle of a gun battle when he and the other worker arrived to pick up the DOA! Some neighbors got into an argument after the shooting, spurring yet another gun battle and things were touch and go for a short time. I was surprised to learn later from the newspaper that the husband who was charged with murder was once a student of mine. It's so sad to hear such news. Sometimes children with problems grow up to have only larger problems, and then sometimes one that you would never imagine getting into trouble takes a turn for the worse. Life is so full of surprises and odd turns of fate.
March 3,2000 - Grunt, groan, stretch, ouch! Could this possible be another of those Prainy days? It certainly starts out like one. In fact, as I am getting ready to leave for the valley, Little Miss Let's Do Something Different This Day (ME) zigs instead of zagging as I take a step and WOW! There I've done it again! It's been a while since I've caused myself to get hurt. I was getting to feel a little smug about the fact I've been doing s-o-o-o-o-o well. I was even thinking, "Boy, when I go back to my surgeon this month, won't he be proud of me?"
That is not to be! At least not soon. I moved in such a direction that caused the ever impending pain of my back to decide to jump into the act and hamper my daily activities and slightest of movements. Yes! Of course I went ahead and went to Quest! I had Ms. Jay all prepared to ride along with me and do her own thing this morning. Allie was looking for us as well as some of the others. I tried five minutes on the Life Cycle since I sit in such a way that it does not put pressure on the back. That definitely was not the highlight of my day. I bench any plans to try any of the other equipment and head to the Sauna and Steam Rooms being sure to shower off between the rooms to cool off, bringing down my body temperature before baking myself again. It didn't help my back any. I tried walking in the pool for a few feeble tries before our water class begins and then when it begins, I stay in the deeper water and go a little slower; skipping any of the movements that put a strain on my aching hip and back. It is very quickie if I happen to move the wrong direction. Once back home I take some Flexeril and head to bed for a long spell. No sewing on the jacket today. . .
March 4,2000 - I wrote the story about digging in the dirt this week and sent it in for the rest of our group to read. This morning I decided to read through and change parts of it. Of course, every time I read it I could continually change the story by adding and deleting words and sentences. It would be interesting how much the story line would change and what the final product would be if I chose to edit it daily for a month. No, I shall not do it. There are better things for me to do with my time.
Strangely enough, I write about caves and tunnels and low and behold, the Charlotte Observer has an article about the Gold mines of our area. North Carolina was the very first Gold Rush area of America taking place in 1799. There are 31 larger mines in the Piedmont Belt and the Charlotte Belt with thousands more smaller mines throughout the area. Charlotte, itself, is built on top of tunneling shafts and tunnels. The shafts are supported by timbers and this past cold weather has probably caused a large tunnel of the Phoenix gold mine to cave in causing a huge twenty foot wide and ten foot deep crater in the front yard of a house near a golf course. The house was also damaged when the base shifted and is now unsafe to live in. There is concern that more incidents like this could occur with all the building taking place in this area now. (People still pan for gold in the streams around here and find flakes of gold.)
This same edition of the Charlotte Observer had an article written by Rev. Billy Graham which seemed to be written to give me support. The title? Make it your goal to do what's best for your mother. In essence he is giving some guidelines for doing what is in the best interest of taking care of your mother, even when she may not want to do what is best. I seem to face that dilemma daily. Mother has already fallen at home and hurt herself. Finally it came to the place that home was not the safest place for her to live. Hiring someone to come in and help care for her was not a financial option. She was already past the assisted living facilities and our doctor made it clear that I was no longer able to give her the care she needed. Mother has not and will never face the fact that she could place herself in danger's way. She feels that she can conquer and control anything that life may throw her way. I wonder if the Bible verse he used would make any impact on her if I shared it with her? I doubt if she would:
Isaiah 45:4 - "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He,
I am He who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you"
I shall continue to pray for her and seek to encourage her as best I can, as I also pray for strength each day to face whatever she may toss my way.
March 5,2000 - Fiction can never be as strange as fact. Coincidence? Maybe. Fate? Surely. Fact? Absolutely! Things can occur out of the blue, without plans or forethought. For some unknown reason these past few days have been meant for me to accept and relive parts of my past life. To have them so intertwined is surprising to me. The story I wrote bringing up earlier times was just the beginning. The newspaper story had to be coincidence bringing up the abundance of caves and caverns in our area.
Treeheart, keeper of the journal, Observations, sent me an e-mail about another journal - NovaNotes she was reading for the day. She was moved to send the addy for me to read. How could she have known that what he was writing would be pertinent to a part of my own experiences? He has been having to deal with the death of a son who died young and unexpectedly. Recently, he visited the grave to find that the headstone was in place making it more or less the permanent home of his son for eternity. Finality has come.
This so relates to my own experience and the sudden, unexpected death of my husband many years ago. You would expect these things to soften around the edges as the years pass. Yet, with such honest and heartfelt descriptions of dealing with his son's death, he has brought back images of my past as vividly as if it happened yesterday instead of twenty-five years ago. I can feel the depths of his pain and torments of loosing a loved one.
Added to that are two more incidents that took place this week. Out of the blue before our water class Thursday morning, one of the ladies mentioned my husband and asked how long it had been since his death. She went on to tell of being in high school with him. His only sister was twelve years older than he and was also the high school English teacher. She was know for her strict discipline and hard work. (She wore out two class rings rapping them on her desk when bringing someone to attention during class, and put some wear and tear on the third ring.)
Apparently his sister had jumped on my friend about some of her work and had her upset. My later-to-be-husband put his arm around her and assured her that things would be all right, that the teacher was all bark and no bite; not to worry. At home she was telling about what happened and how he had stood up for her against the teacher. She could not believe that he was related to the teacher! Her comment was that he was a "Gentle Bear," how could he ever be related to anyone that was so stern? She was more surprised later when she confronted him about what her parents are told her and he confirmed that it was his sister.
The term, "Gentle Bear" so aptly describes him. He was like a giant teddy bear and very tender hearted when dealing with other people. He also had great respect for his sister and what she represented.
On Friday, still another person spoke up asking me about my husband and his family. She had lived in this area and knew the family well. She was not at exercise the day before and knew nothing about the discussion we had.
No church for me today. My back is still sending out, "leave me along" messages. My aunt is out of town spending the weekend with her sister who has been having TIA's. We thought it best not to share with Mother what has been going on the past few weeks with their sister. She has been back in the hospital again and had to stay for five days. She has been in the Emergency Room for one day and also seen the doctors at Baptist Hospital in Winston Salem, NC. Seems she is not getting enough oxygen to her brain brought on by an irregular heartbeat, causing the problems. Plans are in the making for someone to stay with her at home and help out. For sure, her sister is not able to care for her because of her own physical problems and bad back. Yes, I guess it would be fair to say that bad backs seem to float recklessly through our family along with heart problems.
Continued page two
©2000 by Stormy Jeanne
