nov299
NOVEMBER,1999 ~ continued
November 7,1999 - Today's trek to church put me back into the roll of being a tradition along with all the others. The pastor kiddingly said that Aunt and I had earned our squatter's rights back and could post a large sign at the end of our customary pew (going way back to days of yore) proclaiming it as ours again. He laughed as he said, "You know others have a way of stepping in and taking over your spot as their own when you aren't here to claim it." The Singles were all back from their weekend trip and the Keenagers were back from their trip to Georgia and general attendance was up quite a bit this week. A good week for a sermon on tithing and attending regularly - OOPS, I think maybe he was stepping on my toes a wee bit ...
This Sunday the Sunday School Classes all congregated in the Grow Room for refreshments and a period of fellowship and sharing in order to recognize and learn more about each other. It was a time of hugs and getting re-acquainted with many I had lost touch with over the past two years. After feasting and prattling, everyone gathers together as different classes are introduced and shares a worship program. This is done once a month in order for the newbies to get to know us oldsters. There is a saying at the church that you never chatter about any person to another because in all likelihood they are related to the person you are commenting about. Most of the older families are related. Besides, no one should be passing on hearsay anyway; whether it be church or any other place.
I was so drained from all this morning and yesterday that I came straight home without stopping to see Mother. It was dusky and who knows how many phone inquiries from her before I dragged myself over to see Mother for a few minutes. I took her some cheese and stopped to get some coffee but as luck would have it, Subway was out off coffee! She had not had any on her tray for supper and would not call them to bring her any. She rather have some that I would fetch her ... Oh, well! I sat with her and ate a late supper from Subway as she munched on her cheese.
Wes was back this afternoon and got the light up and working in the new closet for me. Now, it can be finished. He also added another receptacle outdoors while he was working, just in case it would be needed later. The repair work for the water detriment is yet to be performed, too. I located a man to come and give me an estimate on repairing my oak floor upstairs. I can't do much downstairs until Wes disposes all the things he left behind when he shifted to his house last year.
BingoKid was with his Dad for the afternoon and came in with four empty snake eggs he unearthed. He wondered where the snakes would be. It was close to dark so I told him they probably were curled up somewhere for the night, but that sometime in the afternoon they could have been about anywhere out in the field or around basking in the warm afternoon sun. I remember a time when I watched a clump of garden snakes crawling around over each other soaking in the warm Indian summer sun on a Sunday afternoon such as today.
November 8,1999 -Time out day! At least I try to keep it that way. I don't do all that much. After lunch I go by to pick up Mother's glasses. They are ready for her and she is ready for them. She is at a point in her Parkinson's that she keeps asking the same questions over and over oblivious to the reality that she has posed the question repeatedly already. I left an extra glass case in the car thinking that it would not be needed - WRONG ! she has already lost the hard case for her new glasses (which I had just found for her again) and there was not a case to be found for the two pair of sunglasses she has managed to keep hold of. So, the tally is three pair of glasses and one glass case. Ms. Jay was working in her yard as I drove by and stopped long enough to pick up a violet to take to mother that she had just transplanted and rode with me to take the new glasses. When we got back out to the car, she quickly ran back indoors to give Mother the case I left in the car earlier.
I didn't feel like doing anything with the dishes or the sewing today - tomorrow is yet to come - so I will wait....
November 9,1999 - Once again I have agreed to keep Giggles for the day. There is a twist to this day. She has a doctor's appointment to set up the time for her surgery to insert tubes in her ears. I have to call on Ms. Jay to scurry out long enough to carry Giggles out to the car for me. Mom will meet us at the doctor's office in Hickory and carry her in for the appointment. I tag along inside and we leave about an hour later with appointments to have her hearing checked next week and surgery on the 22nd. Both ears still had fluid build up.
I turn down an offer for supper out and a little shopping with the excuse that Lady comes tonight and I need to be home. I stop by the grocery store for a few things and discover at the checkout counter that I have done it again! My keys are locked in the car. Scrounging through the bottom of my bag I find change to use the pay phone to call for help. Wes is not at home and I leave him a message. Allan has had to put a block on his phone for calls and I cannot reach him. I manage to catch Wendy at her Mom's and she pages Wes to come to my rescue. He always manages to come to my aid whenever I need him. It takes about an hour and a half to get back into the car so I can drive home. I barely get here before Lady arrives to spin her magic getting out the mud and dirt the boys tracked over the house Saturday while running in and out of the house.
November 10,1999 - Today is definitely Time Out Day. To say that I am in slow motion is only a small part of it. Mother has called and called and called wondering how much longer until I'm coming over to see her. I try to get some of the quilt done and every time I seem to be getting something accomplished, the phone rings again. I finally get all ten strips pressed and ready to assemble. I take four of them and my pins with me as I go to visit with Mother and match up triangle points as I talk with her. Finally, I have to seams ready to sew. It won't be long until I will have it together, maybe?
Just as I arrived at the center Mother's roomy was getting the news from her daughter that she will be moving to a rest home tomorrow in Morganton. She no longer qualifies for nursing skilled care and the rest home will be cheaper for the family to absorb. She is upset and doesn't want to leave Mother. All of Mother's roommates have enjoyed being with her.
Once back home, I am just too tired and hurting too much to bother with sewing my strips of the quilt together. Tomorrow Tbird, her family and I are going to Charlotte for the Southern Christmas Show. I have to get ready for it and do some computer work and try to get to bed a little early since I am to go over at Tbird's house by 8:30 a.m. I'm too tired to rest much, so I watch TV, work my puzzles, work a little on my story for my writing class this week.
November 11,1999 - Charlie has this skill where he knows that he should be good, but chooses to do otherwise. It's probably the terrier in him claiming its own boundaries. He barked for most of the night last night. I was up several times looking outside to see if I could finger the culprit causing him and Elsie Dawg, the beagles and other neighborhood dogs to chime in; even Oreo did a time or two. With the early morning light, I see the object of all the barking. Jessie, the neighbor's dog is loose and running around. She seems to be teasing Elsie by walking around her just out of reach of the chain that tethers Elsie to the line.
Allan comes just as it is time for me to leave and puts my wheelchair in the car for me. I was more than happy to see him arrive. I didn't feel up to lifting and moving it by myself. I'm really tired today and my pain level is too high for comfort. ven so, I am excited about getting to go to Charlotte and the Southern Christmas Show. This is an event that has become a tradition with Tbird and myself. It is our official start of the Christmas Season.
Today is the first day of the show and people are running around every which direction like an Ant Farm. After dropping the rest of us off at the door, Tbird offers to take the suburban to park it since she will have to go across the road to park. The boys are with me and my wheelchair; Dad has charge of Giggles and the stroller. Shortly, Tbird comes in with the news that she has locked HER keys in the suburban. (Like Mother; like daughter?) So we can enjoy our tour of the show, the maintenance department is located and they have what is needed to open the door and retrieve the keys. Keys secured, we can browse, select and spend to our heart's desire for the day. With the baby and the boys we move slower and cover less area, but it was a day of savoring all the new ideas, and aromas of Christmas, 1999. I enjoyed not trying to cover every little nook and corner of the three buildings of crafts, delectable, necessities, surprises and people. We only stopped and concentrated on the things we knew we were interested in or things that were new and caught our eyes.
I left home about 8 a.m. I got home right at 8 p.m. Five hours of that time was in the show area. It was a long, laborious, tiring, enjoyable time of family fellowship. The extended fall foliage display still brightens up the landscape as we travel. It was one of those special days spent with grandchildren taking in an experience for the first time. NascarKid is a natural shopper and wants to stop at each new space and spend time to look and compare items. DynoKid determines immediately that there is too much walking and figures that riding on my lap is the method of travel! I did let him ride for a little, but there was no way I could carry him the whole time. For a short time, it was just me and NascarKid. He got a lot of enjoyment pushing me around and discussing pictures and Christmas crafts. He was master of the amount of time spent at each place we explored. He especially liked pictures and sculptures. DynoKid particularly wanted a toy and in the third building he settles on a bendable figure and racer combo. I saw my wooden dog picture I ordered back during the Spring Show for a Christmas present, but Paul, the creator wanted to exhibit it during the show and will mail it to me the first of December. Beef Wellington pastry was our choice for lunch. Just before leaving, I had to buy the Austrian strudels we love so well.
Back home - I am T I R E D!! I shall transcribe this journal and call it a day.
November 12,1999 - It was a train! No! It was a truck! A Hurricane or tornado? Maybe one of those packers used to pack hot asphalt rolling back and forth on the roadway? Or a tumble down the side of a sheer cliff, bumping from rock to rock on the way down ... In reality the real name is called Fibromyalgia. It has this way of commandeering its prey when it is most fragile. Someone sent me this, that so aptly describes it:
"Subject: Meet Fibromyalgia
Hi. . . My Name is Fibromyalgia, and I'm an Invisible Chronic Illness. I am now velcroed to you for life. Others around you can't see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and anyhow I please. I can cause severe pain or, if I'm in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over. Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun? I took Energy from you, and gave you Exhaustion. Try to have fun now! I also took Good Sleep from you and, in its place, gave you Brain Fog. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal. Oh, yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too. If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away, too. You didn't ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: That virus you had that you never recovered from, or that car accident, or maybe it was the years of abuse and trauma. Well, anyway, I'm here to stay!
I hear you're going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I'm rolling on the floor, laughing. Just try. You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. You will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given a TENs unit, get massaged, told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away, told to think positively, poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not taken as seriously as you feel when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is every day.
Your family, friends and coworkers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I'm a debilitating disease. Some of them will say things like "Oh, you are just having a bad day" or "Well, remember, you can't do the things you use to do 20 YEARS ago", not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ago. Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them understand, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a "Normal" person, and can't remember what you were going to say next!"
In closing, (I was hoping that I kept this part a secret), but I guess you already found out. . . the ONLY place you will get any support and understanding in dealing with me is with Other People With Fibromyalgia. .. Except the minority of us, who like me, have support from their husband and their immediate family.
I feed the pups and give each of them their new rolled leather collars with each one's name and phone number attached before stretching out to rest for a while. Rest for me ended up being on the bed without energy enough to get back up to turn off the televisions or lights. They all stay on until about 5 a.m. this morning. By noon I am still far from having any energy. I do go in to the computer to go on line, but don't stay long enough to even check my e-mail from yesterday and today. My arms not only hurt, but feel like they are loaded with lead. Mother wants me to come over there - "When will you be over?" I doubt if I make it there today. My wheelchair is still in the back of the Explorer where Tbird placed it. It was easier for me to get Mother's other one out of her closet to sit in than to go outside to wrestle with my own from the car to the house. This stupid headache has yet to dissipate, and brings up the volume of the tinnitus. I want to do what I want to do and not have to deal with how I feel afterwards all the time. This too will pass; won't it?
November 13,1999 - Another helpful note I received in my e-mail:
Handling the Holidays
For many fibromyalgia patients, the worst time of the year is the holiday season, starting in late November and hitting full peak in December. This is the time of year when most physicians see many return visits for increased fibromyalgia pain and flare-up.
There are numerous reasons why fibromyalgia is so susceptible to flaring up during the holiday season. The most prevalent reason is the increased stress that occurs at this time of the year, both positive and negative stress; they hurt as much with either.
The extra stresses are especially a problem for women since they are traditionally the ones responsible for preparing for the holidays. The additional responsibilities include buying the gifts, wrapping, cooking, baking, decorations, and transporting various family members to and from school and social activities. All these are extra duties superimposed on the everyday responsibilities. This is a good recipe for a fibromyalgia flare-up.
Various physical stresses during the holidays include:
1.. The shopping required with prolonged standing, walking, and carrying.
2.. The cookie baking and other cooking involved. Somehow the holiday pans are always in the highest shelves, and there seems to be some sort of relationship between the heavier pan, the higher and more out of reach it will be.
3.. The holiday decorations, putting up the lights, Christmas trees, and the hundreds of other items that get arranged throughout the house and yard to prepare for the holidays.
4.. Increased job demands during the holidays particularly with factory workers and retailers who may work many overtime hours.
5.. Increased school and social activities demand mor physical effort. This includes our children’s school holiday plays and activities, all the holiday parties and get-togethers.
In addition to physical reasons, there is increased stress caused by the weather changes. By now the weather is changing to cold and damp, particularly for those of us who live in the northern part of the country. There is less sunlight as the days get progressively shorter, and this combination disrupts our fibromyalgia baselines. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a form of depression caused by lack of sunlight.
There are plenty of mental stresses during the holiday season:
1.. Family relations are often strained as everyone is experiencing a higher level of stress. Numerous family get-togethers, out of town visitors staying over, and other events that bring families together for lengthy periods of time may create anticipated and actual stresses.
2.. Depression is common during the holidays. Multiple factors are involved, but in fibromyalgia patients it seems that everywhere you go there is happy Christmas music and decorations, and everyone appears to be joyous, but you hurt.
3.. Procrastination is a mental stress and can lead to an overwhelming sense that everything will not get done in time.
4.. Worry about finances comes at this time of the year wih holiday expenses, savings depletions, tax concerns, ect.
Another cause of feeling bad around the holidays is the change in our eating patterns. From Thanksgiving to New Years, many of us eat large quantities of refined sugar (cookies, caramel corn, candy). We may eat out more and eat more fatty foods, gourmet foods. Or unusual foods that are not a part of our routine diet. The altered eating and over-eating disrupts our usual gastrointestinal balance, and may aggravate our fibromyalgia by draining our energy, aggravating our irritable bowel symptoms, or simply causing us to not feel like ourselves.
Holidays happen at predictable times. We can recognize potential stresses and anticipate flare-ups unless we take preventive measures. Don’t assume you’ll get caught up in the "Holiday flare-up" and have no control over this situation. You can take specific steps to take control of the holidays and decrease your risk of flare-up.
November 14,1999 - To be a wimp and plead my way out of going to church this morning was my first impulse. However, knowing how often I don't feel up to doing things that I have to do any way, this was a "You ARE going this morning and that is final!" End of discussion! Two of Mother's sisters met me at McD's this time for coffee and a ham biscuit before church.
Church this morning centered on Missions and Missionaries. I sat with the hymnal pressed between the small of my back and the pew for most of the service. Our Sunday School Class had a Missionary on Sabbatical from China to share experiences and show some slides. While the slides were shown, we listened to two hymns sung in Cantonese. It was interesting to learn that our church first had Missionaries to China back as early as 1904. Every letter of correspondence has been saved in the archives in Anderson, Indiana, and she has been reading them to learn more about China before returning there in the spring.
Once back home I head straight for the bed for the afternoon. About dark I managed to visit with Mother about three hours and then back home and bed.
November 15,1999 - When I stopped and picked up the mail and papers yesterday morning a large brown envelope was in the stack of mail. Upon looking closer I noticed that it was from Quest4Life. The booklet with the results of my questionnaire and blood work was back. Checking inside I learn that my fasting blood sugar result is the same as the one in the doctor's office - 150. That is too high and I know it. My Cholesterol is 215. That also is too high; as well as Triglycerides at 189. At least the HDL Cholesterol at 89 was in a good range. It all goes together to inform me that I have not been eating right or exercising enough.
Tbird calls to ask me to help them out again this afternoon. She will be in a workshop at the County Office and will be able to pick up Giggles. Can I pick up the boys about 4 p.m. because NascarKid has PE Club Meeting after school; meet her at the Valdese Hospital parking lot to get the baby; keep the three of them until about three hours. I drive over and let NascarKid go into after school care to have DynoKid come out to the car. We all get back home around five and I order pizza delivered for the boys' supper. Giggles eats her supper and promptly takes a nap which makes it easier for me.
November 16,1999 - Another Giggles day! She spends most of her waking hours in the crib pulling herself up and walking around the sides of the crib. It is such a delight watching her reaction to being able to do it for herself and trying to use only one hand to hold on. She tumbles down only to climb right back up again. She seems to decide that if she can hold her toy in her mouth she can climb up and have it, too. Every time she tries, the toy hits the side of the crib and falls back. Most of her playing has been with an aluminum pie pan that makes bunches of noise as she explores with it.
I collapse for several hours after she leaves. I do some more work on my quilt the center of it is together. I only have to complete the two ends. The sections are ready to be added. I only have to pin and sew and voila! It will be done.
Lady comes this evening and first thing she does is to take the broom out to sweep away all the leaves that have blown up against the door and walkway. This is a yearly endeavor because the leaves have a way of twirling into the house each time someone goes in or out the door. The fence for the dogs does not help keep any of them away from the door. Of course, by evening the dogs are carrying in their own supply of leaves on their long hair. We have an over abundance of leaves this year. Most of the color has now faded away and the oaks have turned to brown. Signs of winter are evident, yet, the temperature is near eighty many of the days lately.
Lady takes time to wash the cover on the couch and replace it for me this evening. She spends time on straightening Mother's room again. Friday is Mother's 87th birthday and our friend is bringing her here for lunch. She enjoys Butter beans, so I think I will cook a pot of them and have a cake of cornbread for lunch. Of course, I have to finish my quilt and put up my sewing machine so we will have a place to sit and eat...
November 17,1999 - This headache of mine just will not melt and evaporate. Some of it would have to be stress, yet trying to relax does not do much to get rid of it. I got up this morning only to take my meds, plus two pain pills for my head and then back to bed. Except for the phone ringing and ringing off and on all morning, I was able to rest some, but the headache did not ease up. I had to go out later in the afternoon to pick up some medicines and Mother needed candy for her cache. This has definitely been a day of doing nothing.
Tbird had left a message for me to return her call while I was gone. They need more help with caring for the children through the weekend. I seem to be the chosen one (available). Tomorrow afternoon they need me to keep Giggles for a few hours. She went for her hearing test today and it was determined that she has a borderline hearing loss. While there they found that her temperature was up again and checked her ears to find that both are once again infected. Her medicine was finished up on Sunday. Now she is on another round of antibiotics so that she will be ready for her surgery on Monday. She was real fussy this evening when I called. That's unusual for her to be so fretful.
November 18,1999 - Hey! I actually got my quilt top finished today! Wow! Now it is time to begin another one, but I think I will wait until after Christmas. This is turning into a busy time of year. Now that the table is cleaned off and the sewing supplies are packed up, the urge to do more will just have to go unpacified.
The best laid plans of mine were certainly gone askew today. Allan brings in two deer to dress and wrap for freezing. He leaves about 15 pounds of meat in the oven cooking before he freezes it, and leaves to do some yard work. Giggles is brought back about mid-morning for me to take care of so Dad can leave for the coast and helping with rebuilding on five houses this weekend that were damaged earlier by the floods. (It's hard to imagine taking up to five years or so to rebuild from all the damage incurred in that region.)
I have to go to the grocery store earlier than I had planned in order to get some staples for fixing the birthday dinner tomorrow for Mother. I got her a small cake while I was there. I thought of getting some balloons, but it would be better to get them on the day you need them...maybe, if I have time ... I can manage to get her two ...
I worked puzzles in the newspapers that I hadn't done in a while last night while I could not sleep - again ... I counted seven that I worked this morning when I collected the papers to put in recycling. At 4:30 a.m. I was still wide awake.
There was a ribbon cutting ceremony for the Quest4Life today. It is officially opened. Maybe I can get up to take a tour and get acquainted with the layout of the place on Saturday. I should start working out in the water next week.
Surprisingly enough, when I picked up my meds last night there was not anything for the high sugar level. Maybe the doctor is waiting until my next visit and check again to see what I may be doing on my own. I know all the rules and dangers. My husband died because of diabetes ...
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© 1999 by Stormy Jeanne
