Nature Songs ~~~~

May continued ~~

May 19, 2001 - Whatever happened to “Thy shalt honor Thy parents - (and their parents before them)? Where is the pride in the work done? How can children today go about their way treating everything as if it belongs to them? Who said they have no rules to follow except their own? Where is the ability to observe and feel the effects of their actions on other people? Some children today have missed out on the important teachings of the past experienced by their parents and the environment to which they were exposed. In trying to afford a better way of life for their own offspring, today’s parents are missing some of the key components for nurturing a future adult capable of seeing the needs and concerns of other. What will happen as these children grow into the adults of tomorrow?

We sit in the car together, traveling along the highway in the hot midday sun of a spring day turned summer. The radio music plays, but is not really heard by any of us as all our thoughts wander off on different avenues. Sweat drips from me as if I stood in a raging storm, leaving my hair and clothes sopping and clinging to my body. If only that same raging storm inside myself could pour out as well. He on the other hand is emerged in a new book bought only yesterday. Eager to share with his cousin shortly, he leafs through the pages pointing out things to his brother with excitement. He is oblivious to the Elder engrossed by distress and anguish there on the same seat beside him and how those emotions evolved deep within her.

The offer made by his aunt was for The Kid to do work for his grandmother six weeks to earn (some of her) money for his trip to Australia in June. If all was done exceptionally well there would be a bonus. Time was when an offer of that type was made that one would be eager to earn the money needed. Not the case for this situation. Sure, he wants to go. Sure, he “says” he wants to get the work done. True, that he has the idea of, ”Let’s wait until the last minute and with a quick flourish, a lick and a promise, what I do will be okay.” His Royal Grandson, the Omnipotent Creator of Excuses and Ploys, thinks he can cajole his brother to become his Serf. The Serf will carry out his every wish.

His project for this weekend cannot and will not work with his rules. He has to remove the clippings left by his uncle yesterday when he cut the shrubbery down to size around the house and yard.. All the large pieces are already carried off to the pile to be burned out in the field. Instructions are for The Kid to take pitchfork in hand and rake up all the smaller stuff. By loading up the extra large wheelbarrow he can roll off the clipping into the edge of the woods along two sides of the yard. Sounds fairly easy to see and understand, one would think? Not so!

Reminders and prodding from indoors, and he is off to work... No, he’s back inside... Then he is out again... No, back again ... Finally, The Serf is out with him and only fifteen minutes or so later both return indoors and The Kid announces, “Let’s go to my cousin’s, I’m finished.”

“No, I don’t think so! There’s more to do than that.”
“But, I am! Brother helped me and it’s all done. Let’s go.”
“No, I have to go around the yard and check your work.”
“Oh, Grandma! Can’t we go? I won’t have time to play with my cousin! I did it all ... and (the clincher) besides - whatever I miss, I can do later. I P R O M I S E!!! We gotta go now. He’s expecting us and there’s not much time!”
“Sorry, but the rule was for me to check and make sure you do all your work well. Let’s go out and see how everything looks.”
“Er ... I raked out that around the row out there at the fence and it looked so empty I pushed it back up around the bushes. It looks a lot better than it did when it was all empty under them. It’s mostly leaves anyway.” Leaves under a row of evergreen yews. I don’t think so....

Only walking out the backdoor and looking at the Rhododendron beside the door, I knew there was much work to be done. In fact, none of the bushes along the front of the house had been touched. In retrospect, that would be the Rhododendron, twelve azaleas, four boxwoods and a shrub we’ve never been able to identify. There around the birdbath he had missed other azaleas and bushes. We concentrated on those two areas for this morning. That was all that I could supervise, since he pretended not to “see” downed sprigs under, around and atop the objects of our disagreement.

In The Kid’s eye, I was being too picky. Not so! " Anything worth doing is worth doing well. One should always do his best in whatever he may attempt. A job well done brings much happiness."

In my eye The Kid was trying to con me. Quite true! " It’s all right to put it back behind the bush, you won’t see it anyway." ("It’s a fire hazard for the house there so close to it.") "That’s just grass and leaves here." (Strange how grass has changed it look in such a short time.) And on we went back and forth until the project area was mostly done.

Cane in hand and since there is no gate, I held on to the metal post and managed to work my weak leg over the bent wire of the dog’s private yard where others had gone over before me in order to get to the shorn shrubbery within. Using my walking cane I brought out piles of fallen twigs as The Serf collected arm loads to toss on the outside of the fence. The Kid would saunter along from fence to across the drive with handfuls to nonchalantly drop on the other side. That is a pile to be move again since it is not in the woods. This is when the drops of sweat began to pour. Although weak from heat and exertion, The Elder managed to get back to the other side of the fence and proceed to the front door area. Unaware of any distress on the part of his Elder, The Kid continued to gripe and complain about the clogging of his plans. One goal in mind, he was only thinking of getting to his cousin; blinders hid from view any other venue or happenstance. The Elder only hoped to hold out to get that area finished, rest a few minutes under the shade of the maple tree and deliver him out of view and sound.

We turn into the driveway and the car draws to a halt. Quickly the twelve-year-old-going-on ninety (or is it really two?) opens the car door and begins his newly developed teenage saunter toward the door of his cousin’s house. As of lately, his ever-present cap pulled low over his glasses, excitement of finally being there raising his voice a bit louder than usual, he quickly disappears through the door without a single glance back. He has arrived! But, boy! What it took to get that far! The work is not finished. .. The Elder knows there is more yet to do ... Who has really won?

May 20, 2001 - The Sunday paper must be here. It’s 3:30 a.m. and Charlie is announcing some sort of activity outdoors. The newspaper man came by the other day and installed another box beside the new neighbor’s mailbox since they also are receiving the Charlotte paper daily. Up until then their paper was being tossed on the ground, but always in plastic. Our own local paper has not been so nice with their deliveries inasmuch as they plopped Ms. Jay’s paper on the ground to be tossed around by the wind when the box was available for it. Our recycle man is off his schedule for some reason. Our recycling up here on our hill is piling up after three weeks of being skipped. None of the blue boxes of recyclables along the road leading to our driveway have been emptied this week. I’m ready to begin adding my own collection to the regular garbage this coming Monday. Two daily papers a day add up to quite a collection and then with the plastics, cans and glass thrown in the blue box runneth over as well as a regular trash can placed beside it.

Sentiments are wishy-washy for me this morning. Being off the regular Sunday morning routine since my aunt is home recovering from her surgery Thursday, I want to go and take part in the morning activities at church on the one hand and then again - I’m tempted to stay home. Guess I do need to hold on to our bench in the sanctuary, or we could lose our squatters right to that one special place we always sit from Sunday to Sunday. Time was Mother used to join us on that bench. She would always take the end seat and absorb much of the cold air blowing out from the air conditioner. Personally, I like sitting more to the center of the bench and have the cold blocked off from me as much as possible. Sundays when I forget to take a jacket or sweater finds me trying to invent ways of keeping warm. I shall go in a few hours and be refreshed by the morning service and energized for the upcoming week.

Energized? Uplifted? Supported? Renewed? I need them all. This has not been one of my best weeks for ego-building and self-assurance. Seems so many little encumbrances have been gnawing within me. It was effortless for the sense of unworthiness, misunderstanding, no appreciation, feeling unloved and dishonored to freely flow in the episode outdoors yesterday. I was a time bomb of padlocked emotions waiting to have the fuse lit and Master NascarKid was more than happy to be there to fuel the bomb. It seemed that he enjoyed pushing the buttons leading to ignition and blast-off. Strange as it may seem, it would be nice if I could cry or react and release some of those pent-up battles surging so near the surface. There appears to be a bulletproofed window of protection within that will not allow the outpouring of emotion. On the one hand it is so near and deeply felt; on the other hand, it is untouchable from the outside. Such has been my quandary since the stroke. I feel and sense things, yet I cannot react accordingly - or so it seems to me.

Little Miss Giggles spent several hours with me yesterday afternoon. She did much to lift my spirits and bring laughter to my soul. Just the two of us and as she grows it is easier for me to have her here all by herself. In fact she seldom strays far from me. She is entering the question and answer stage of life with interest in any and all things that her swift eyes may survey. To forget something seen on an earlier visit never occurs. This time she got the office chair and rolled it up to the counter and wanted to see the water fountain that was running last week. I had to explain to her that I would have it running for her on her very next visit and all was well.

There is some difficulty for her to pronounce words clearly as she learns to speak. A well-versed speech teacher has checked her speech and hearing and is working to help her with learning to talk. The teacher is puzzled because she has never come across a child displaying the speech difficulties that Giggles is experiencing and has no explanation of what it is or how it may have occurred. I have to wonder: “Does she have the same speech pattern problem that plagued me as a child?” It sounds very much like some problems I had to work through. If that is true, she is so fortunate to live in this age and not back when I had to learn to exist amid an age of being misunderstood and so alone. She is already being taught some skills that should help her learn to speak properly. I was ten years old before help was offered to me. The only way to confirm if she does or does not have the same condition would be to have an MRI of her brain and explore the speech area to find out if there should be a cluster of unexplained extra blood vessels planted there to short circuit the normal speech path.

Mother was already in bed for the night by the time I walked into her room. I had completely missed the day before and had promised to give her a manicure on Saturday. Using a plastic bag over my own newly refilled nails to protect them from harm, the chipped and worn polish was soaked and removed. Clipping, filing and cleaning all her nails first, then the red door red polish was brought out and her fingernails were renewed to her satisfaction. Thank goodness I took that particular bottle of polish. The first thing she wanted to know was if I had the same shade of polish to use!

My nights seem to have turned into days. Guess it is time to get used to the change in my daily schedule. If sleep should happen to pop in for a visit - no matter how long or short - I’ll be most happy to oblige and partake. Meanwhile, being here at the laptop, at the biggie computer, or whatever else I may attempt does not seem to alter the activities or outcome of the days. I’m supposed to keep a three day journal of the time and activities for the organization class. I should have already done that little piece of the homework during the first week of the class. I shall be interested in how my scheduling will look on paper.

May 21, 2001 - I have to confess that The Kid was back to see me Sunday afternoon. He was a man/boy on a mission. He was back to the young man I knew most of the time with a winning smile, a lilt to his step and a project to make right. He had come to finish and touchup what was begun on Saturday. With the pressure of making the trip over to his cousin behind him, he was ready to work and wanted to do it right. I had to remind him that the cut ends of the shrubbery was on the agenda. The leaves would be chopped up by the lawnmower and were not his concern. Because of the deep growth of periwinkle around the patio, I raked out the clippings for him by using the pitchfork. Several of the bushes along the side of the drive neither of us had seen the day before and after pointing them out and heading him off to the fence to finish up the work by himself, I was ready to go back inside.

As we talked and worked, The Kid told of taking communion at church that morning and that he said a prayer about doing a good job on the work for me this afternoon. He mentioned, ”I am doing better today, aren’t I?” I wholeheartedly agreed with him. He is a special boy as all my other grandsons are and at times - no matter how big they may grow - they will be boys for me.

Aside from spending more than a few hours sitting at the computer to get my new lessons for the week, checking e-mail and going through all three message boards for the new UV classes -plus checking by the B&N class message board, there was little time left for much else. I spent about two hours with mother this afternoon and had to explain why I hadn’t come over on Sunday to see her. No matter that I had sent her some watermelon by Wes and his family! She could have seen me too! At times I feel I am running an unending race with never a finish line to come in sight. Tomorrow will be another of those days.

I did do something different this morning. There are those higher-ups at Quest that have given me “suggestions” I can do more than the water class I take part in. The pain doctor never got back to me with the appointment they had promised to set up and let me know about. After two different times of having to deal with their answering machines and unreturned messages, I have decided to put them behind me. My friend finally got through to the office only to be told there was not an opening for a month. She needed help then - not a month later.

Taking a deep breath and walking beside another of my friends, I entered the large, almost empty room. Others were doing some movements using “steps.” Soon, I had my own step (Minus any supports to lift it higher as the others did.) and was attempting to step up and step down. First one side and then the other side, which for me was much slower and very unsteady to say the least. Feeling more sure of things, I joined in touching the outer edge and then down which led to putting the two movements together as well as walking up and walking backward on the floor beside the step. I was more than ready to sit myself down on the chair, but first had to sidetrack to pick up some weights to use as we sat. The sitting exercises were easier for me, until it came to the one to lift off the seat using only the knees and legs. That I could not do. After an hour of stretch and tone in the After fifty Class, I was certainly ready to head home. I rested as I downloaded my lessons.

May 22, 2001 - 6:45 a.m. and the phone is ringing. I have to wonder what it is that I have to do today that I didn’t already know about. I knew that NascarKid was having his Award Day at school and wanted me to come. I knew that Giggles needed to be taken to the doctor’s office to get her ears check again. Warily picking up the receiver of the phone, I was pleasantly surprised to heard NascarKid on the other end of the line, “Momma Jean, are you going to come to my Award Day Ceremony this afternoon?” YES, I assure him that I will be there for him and he replies, :Well I just didn’t want you to forget. Love you... bye.”

Following the morning workout in the water and the Better Weight Class which lasted until noon, it was a rush to get a bite to eat as I drove over the mountain to his school in the country. I pulled into the parking lot at the school at 12:55, and his program began at one. I had made it on time. As it turned out, there was a little time to spare as everyone was not in yet ready to received the Fifth Graders that will be moving up to Middle School next year. It was a long program lasting until time for the buses to leave. His Dad and I sat and watched with pride as first Tbird sang a song for the Fifth Graders and then during the course of the afternoon, our Kid was called up about eight times for an award. He won all the reading awards this year and the top Math award. There was a special award from the University of Chapel Hill of some sort, the Phy. Ed. Trophy and President’s Award on Physical Fitness. No Citizenship, I noticed! His Mom always missed out on that one, too.

The two boys and I rushed to get out of the parking lot before the bus riders came out, cutting us off from the exit until the buses left. No sooner are we on the road and ready to head toward Morganton to pickup Giggles and it dawns on us. NascarKid excitedly calls out, “Where’s Giggles carseat?”

We did not have it. Luckily, Mom was leaving behind us for a trip up the mountain to Asheville and thought of it, too. There we were waving at each other to stop. We both pulled in at the Food Mart at the end of the road just before entering the highway and made the changeover of the seat for Giggles. Off we were to pick her up at Day Care and begin our journey down Interstate to Hickory and her appointment to get her ears checked. Once there, we found that her ears are healed, but the doctor wants to have her hearing checked.

Hearing checked! That brings a note of sadness. Her ear surgeon was the one killed only a few weeks ago. Hopefully, the audiologists are still at work at the clinic even though he is gone. The office will make the call and set up an appointment for us to take Giggles. I bet they are more dependable than the pain clinic office was for me.

Taking the boys and Giggles home in Burke County where Dad was waiting for them, I headed to Caldwell County and got home at six! It has been a long and busy day for me. No stops for any rest. That makes me wonder how the night may go .... as if I didn’t already know ... these night patterns are not something I have any control over.. just wish I did....

Looking back:

MAY, 1998
MAY, 1999
MAY, 2000

Sign Guestbook View Guestbook

Lenoir,NC 28645
United States

All of my writings on this web site are copyrighted. Reproduction and/or distribution of the written works on these pages in any form is prohibited.