Journal

Friday May 3, 2002

I read the most awesome book last night. It was called the Kingdom Assignment. It starts off with the Pastor talking about this idea he had and where it originated. Then he presents the idea to the church committee, gets their buy in. So the pastor keeps it a secret, not even his wife knows about what he's gonna do the following Sunday. So the pastor gives a sermon, it's about the master who gives three servants different sums of money. The master goes away and returns to settle accounts with his servants. It's a pretty well known story. So the pastor then says he needs volunteers for a kingdom assignment. He has 4 Sunday services so his goal was to get 25 volunteers from each service for a total of 100. A few people come forward to volunteer and the pastor had to go through the aisles and volunteer people himself. There wasn't just the enthusiasm or interest, probably because the pastor doesn't describe what the assignment is all about.

So the people are standing up there and the pastor starts pulling a wad of money out of his pocket and hands each person a $100 bill. They take it and look at it, not sure what to make of it. I think one person thought the pastor was going to ask him to dance. So the pastor then explains the kingdom assignment and that there were 3 conditions. The first was that they recognize that the money belonged to God. Second that they were being entrusted to invest the money in a way that extends God's kingdom. Third, they would return in 90 days and share the results.

So the volunteers took the assignment very seriously. They discussed with other people how to use the $100. It was amazing the see the many different ways it was used. The one that stands out in my mind was this chiropractor that bought hamburgers and fed inner city homeless people. He also brought out the chiropractic table and set it up on the sidewalk. So here he was offering food and back adjustments if the people would accept it all in the name of Christ. So he was able to reach out to others with his chiropractic hamburger ministry.

So after several testimonies the book goes on to talk about money in general. Pastor Denny talks about the first time he saw $100 bills and the excitement of having it. He then goes on to talk about how nowadays we don't even blink an eye about spending a hundred here and there. So $100 has become a commonplace thing and not even considered much anymore.

Pastor Denny goes on to talk about people's reactions to that $100 bill and how their view of money changed. Instead of owners of money they began to see themselves as stewards of money.
So moving to the chapter called "Whose Stuff is this anyway", Pastor Denny talks about Jesus' ministry. He believes that Jesus spoke so much about money because this subject is a very spiritual issue. Jesus said, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21). Here's the part of the chapter that spoke to me the most-

Money not only calls for our attention, it also calls for our hearts, our allegiance, our devotion, just as God does. In fact, the Bible says there is something about money that rivals God. Money has many of the same qualities we attribute to God. It creates, it provides, it protects, it controls.
Money, we say, is the bottom line. And to some degree it is. That is exactly why Jesus said, "You cannot serve both God and Money"(Matthew 6:24). We can either use money to serve God or our god will be money.

The answer lies in a personal paradigm shift in money matters, a radical change in thinking and acting toward one's understanding and relationship with money. A shift away from loving money to using money in ways that demonstrate one's love and devotion and service to God and to His purpose.

Sunday June 9, 2002

8:19am. It's early in the morning and I'm freaking out. I woke up realizing that most of my small group will not be at church today. Peter Hahn, Sinclair and Tony are in Korea. Sue Jung is in Florida. Soo is sick and may not be there. Yunchin is M.I.A. So on and so on. I feel terrified at the thought of being at church without them. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I've been going to this church for years. You'd think I'd be comfortable enough to show up, even if the only comfort I would have is hearing the Pastor's message.

I couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to get up and take a shower. Other questions started to pop into my head. Was it ok to feel this way? Shouldn't I be at a church where this isn't an issue for me? Part of me wanted to flee and I thought about going to The River church. Then even more questions came up. I barely know a single soul at The Rive let alone the Pastor. Why do I feel more comfortable going to that church instead of NCBC?

Shouldn't the situation be so that I am so passionate about my church that I show up no matter what, excited about what the Pastor may have to say, looking forward to seeing the people there or being full of energy and ready to serve? Why don't I feel this way about NCBC? What is wrong?

So I walked out of the shower and another question popped into my head. It was Soo's voice asking us if we can be satisfied with God alone? How did that question pop into my head? It doesn't have anything to do with what I'm stressing about. Or does it? Obviously I'm not satisfied with God alone if I am afraid to go to a church I should feel at home with. Obviously there are certain things that are keeping me there. I wondered if my small group disappeared from NCBC, would I still go? Probably not. I would probably go and find another church. But shouldn't the main reason for church to be about looking forward to how God will speak to me? Shouldn't it be about God above all else?

Ugh. Maybe I'm just freaking out about nothing. Making a mountain out of a molehill. At any rate, I need to go to NCBC. Or should I? Ugh, I need to pray about this.

10:45pm. Ding! (Light bulb going off in my head). I just sent off a check to Kip Johns. He's the guy that joined K-Love and went back home to Idaho to bring his family down to Sacramento. They were passing through Walla Walla in the middle of the night when another car crashed into them. I guess the driver fell asleep at the wheel. But at any rate, Kip lost his wife and two children in the crash. Kip himself is in the hospital as well as the only surviving son. When I read about it my heart went out to them. What a tragedy to lose your wife and two children so suddenly in that way. I felt so emotional about it that day.

So I made a card to send to him. I expressed my sorrow and told him that I hoped he could find peace and comfort in God, which transcends all understanding (Phil 4:7). I insert the check, seal the envelope, it's all ready to go. I suddenly realize what God has been trying to tell me the past few weeks--that there is a difference between tithing and sacrificial giving. Tithing at the 10% rate is nothing if you are making a ton of money and still have plenty left over to spend as you please. I need to give to a point to where giving truly feels like giving. It shouldn't feel like giving a thin sliver where the loss has no effect on me. I don't know if that makes any sense. Maybe it only makes sense to me.

11:30pm. I went to the bathroom and was greeted by the sight of the biggest cockroach I've seen in years. At first I thought it might be a cricket. I haven't seen a cockroach in this area. But the more I stared I realized that it wasn't a cricket. The size horrified me more and more. Then it made a slight move and that was enough to scare me out of the bathroom.

I went back to my bedroom and lay in bed. Where in the world did it come from? Was there more of them? What if it crawls into my room? There was no way I was going to sleep in peace with this thing in my house. So I got up and went to get the ant spray from the kitchen. I thought maybe if I doused it with the spray it would die.

Thankfully my roommate came home and I told her about the roach. What does she do? She goes into the bathroom and tries to spray it. It runs out into the hall (that sucker sure was quick) and she yells for a paper towel. I quickly hand her one and she picks it up, quickly flushes it down the toilet and that ended the reign of terror.

I figured out where the roach came from. I had bought an air conditioner from Ebay and it originated in Florida. I know that state is known for its giant cockroaches and one must have crawled its way into the box and went along for the ride to my place. I just pray to God that there aren't any more. I will truly freak out if I see another one.

9am. Wow, I was reading the message board (from Bebonorman.com). One thread was talking about the very struggle I had on Sunday morning. It looks like many people are questioning the purpose of church and where God fits in to all of this. It's a pretty long thread so I'll have to read it at lunch.

I didn't have time to look at the thread. Maybe next week. I fly to Seattle tonight for Francis' graduation and my dad's 60th birthday.