Happy 4th of July!
July 2, 2000
Another month another look. I've found a few moments to call my own and decided to clean up my act and my web page. I've included links to my ? of the week or two! I got about 6 responces so I would call that a success! As time goes on I'll add another question. Big plans this weekend. Friday night we went to a band concert with Fireworks and all. The Tall ships are in town so it's been wall to wall traffic. Not a happy mood maker for my family. The concert was put on by the Navy Band and accompanied by a fireworks display. I must comment on the quality of the show. It was fabulous! One of the best I've ever seen. I bet technology played a hand. There was music in sync and everything. Maddie LOVED! them! She waved her arms and shouted and laughed. Whew! That was a stress factor for me too! Not to worry mumma! Anyway we spent yesterday at the beach. Even though we live about 4 blocks up a BIG hill we still broke down and bought a beach pass. Yes we could walk there, but in all honesty, we are lazy people with a ton of beach crap to tote. I have to have munchies and Maddie has to have toys plus we have huge beach chairs, unbrella, etc, etc,! Besides, whats the use of living in Newport if you don't take advantage of your privlages. It cost the adverage Joe $10 a day on the weekend and $8 on weekdays to pay to park. Our pass cost us $25. Go three times and it pays for it's self. I spent the last month of my pregnancy last year at the beach. I looked good when gave birth. No pale skin there!
We've been eathing well and I went to the gym on Friday so I think I should be fine for a pig out session on Tuesday. We are going to a picnic today but it's outside and it's going to be HOT HOT HOT. In other words I hate to eat in hot weather.
One more thing, I can't remember what I've told you about the baby in general, but we've decided not to find out the sex of the child. I really think it's a boy but we've been tossing around a few girls names too. Check out my GALLERY page for the names, and a count down chart! Tah~
July 9, 2000
I swear it wasn't me this time! I've been trying to get into Geocities for the last three days and have been booted off or denied access due to errors! Tough going out there. Lots to tell so grab a drink and get comfy!
I mentioned before about this whole Greg and Tasha weekend mess but it's really getting out of hand. The problem now involves the "MOTHER IN LAW" She is a darling person most of the time and I really have very little to complain about. What I do tends to be BIG so it's hard to shrug it off. She is a liar and thus has made her two boys into liars. It's been a hard road to break Kevin of the little white lies...you know the ones...."Honey, did you remember to empty Maddie's Diaper Genie?....Yes, Dear!" Then I go to stuff the poopey diaper into the pail and it's full. Sigh not an easty bad habit to break, but he's getting better especially since I've decided to call him on it every time he does it. Back to what I was gripping about. If she feels in anyway that we have excluded her from the weekend activites, she gets very cranky and starts to pull these manipulative stunts. Like asking one or the other of us out to dinner and then not telling the other couple. For example. If Greg and Tasha come down on Friday night and stay with us, she will ask them out to dinner on Saturday and not include us. Or she will call bright and early and ask the boys to do an errand which ends up taking 3/4 of the day. We've tried to include her in at least on activity or meal but if it's not to her liking, she acts very offended. Lots of signing and huffing and puffing on the phone. Tasha is tired of spending every weekend down here and being dragged around by Greg after the Mother. I'm tired of waiting until the last minute to finalize my weekend plans or shopping because Greg hasn't called us to tell us whether they are staying here or with the Mother. Kevin is just tired of listening to us all Bitch.
On a lighter note, Maddie is turning ONE in two weeks. I still can't believe it went as quickly as it did. We've invited about 80 people, friends and family to a picnic in the back yard. Yikes for the logistic, but Yipee for the LOOT! LOL. I'm actually well organized with lists for RSVP's and Shopping and who's bringing what by the phone. No theme, just lots of food and drinks. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for nice weather. There is no way that we could ever squeeze 80 people into the house! We've already decided to cancel if rain.
Kevin, Greg and a few of their friends are heading to NYC next weekend for a boys weekend out. I've got mixed feelings about this plan. On one hand, Kevin works very very very hard and putting up with me pregnant has not been an easy task. He works hard and deserves some time to let loose with out me nagging about this or that. On the other hand, I'm pregnant with a 1 yr old. Who the hell does he think he is going off and spending our money and leaving me alone to tend to the hearth? I can't live it up so he shouldn't be able to either!!!!! So you see my feelings are very far apart. I tend to keep quiet about the whole thing because I've been dropping hints about Tiffany's and or else don't even come home has made it into my conversation a time or two. LOL! Tasha is coming down to hang out and I've planned a scrapbooking party for Saturday afternoon.
Which leads me into my final topic of discussion. I've really been having a wonderful time creating a scrapbook for Maddie. It has become the creative outlet I've been searching for. I can't tell you how awesome it is to regress to cutting and pasting and coloring! It really helps my stress level and I love remembering all the milestones she reached this last year! Plus I get to spend money and not feel so guilty since it's for her! So I've planned this last minute "Creative Memories" Class. Not many people but most of them either already have a book, or need a new one! I'm hoping to earn the sticker organizer!
So that catches you all up. I've been a good girl but neglected my gym trips last week. I chalk it up to the holiday. I've created a new workout for myself and Maddie is spending the day with Kevin's Mom....a BIG Pro to balance out the many Con's I've stated today. She wants to take Maddie at least one day a week all summer! So I'm off to the gym then to the store to begin the stock up on Party items. Tah~
July 11, 2000
So another day another grip! Actually it's something I shouldn't take personal at all, but because it involves Madison i'm extra sensitive. Our weekly playgroup was today and of the eight Mommy's and children only four where there, not including me. Of the four, three can't make the play group birthday party I'd planned for Madison. I received word that we probably lost two members so that leave one person coming and one other unheard from yet. It reminds me of the Bette Midler movie "Stella". Anyone ever see the movie? It about a single mom who throws a sweet sixteen party and noone shows up because Bette gets into trouble with society. Totally unfounded and egocentric, but if you haven't noticed by now that I often display a touch selfcenteredness then let me clue you in on it! So I"m wondering if I should postpone the party until the following week. Anyway, I've neglected the gym the last two days. I really should get my tushy in gear and go, but I've hit a patch of sluggishness as of late. I don't even want to go to the beach. It's funny how I made my question of the week about gym hinders. I actually pulled into the parking lot and noticed that my ear phones on my walkman had broken, got pissed off and decided I just didn't want to be there. So I went shopping and spent tons of money on supplies for Maddie's Birthday. I bought Tikki Torches which Kevin immediatly HAD to put up in the yard. They look cool! On a more pressing note, I received a communication from a ghost from the past. By word of mouth I got scoop about an old boyfriend of mine. He was one of those passionate loves that got deep inside of you. He certainly did a number on me and it took me many many years to regain my equalibrium. Anyway, I emailed him and he responded back. I kept looking for those tail tell signs of emotions to come flooding back. Other then fuzzy memories not much was there. Part of me was hoping for bad news. You know that part of you that still smarts and probably always will from heartbreak. But all in all I really was relieved to feel free. So Mr. Heartbreaker of Beth, I wish you well and luck in all that you do. Tah~
July 13, 2000
Okay people, I know I was a bit neglectful about the whole question of the week thing, but now that I've gotten it off the ground, please please please participate again! There are so many people out there that love the insight of others. You all know the saying about Hind sight being 20/20, well think of the quesiton of the week as being a way to see into the future! I am so on top of things that I swear to add all the comments by next Wed. I also have a great idea for those who don't mind having their name added to their comments, I will also add a link to you website if applicable! Kind of a two fer one deal!
With that out of the way... I'm actully headed to the gym right now. My bags are packed and I'm ready to go. I'm just waiting on sleepy head to wake from the morning nap. I'm also meeting a friend and her son so that we can take the kids to the pool after the work out. A cool reward after a hot workout! My new workout plan is beginning four days late, but better late then never. I'm planning on 20 mins of cardio then a full body workout with free weight/nautalis. It's actually four upper body sets and four lower body sets. I have four free weight arm routines and then I'll do four nautalis machines for my legs. Low weights and low reps to begin with.
Now before I go I have to tell you just how addicted I am to SURVIVOR! I walk around the house humming the beginning "Awww AHHHH" noise the show starts with. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT! It's better then my soaps! I am so pumped up about the show I even go online and check out the info posted! I printed out the application for my husband to fill out for the second one. I would totally go for it, but got a baby coming along. Maybe for a future one! I hear stirrings in the nursery...so off I go! Feels like the slump is over for the moment! Tah~
July 15, 2000
Kevin is in NYC this weekend. He left last night and my heart just sunk. I hate being without him especially when I know he's going to have fun. Maybe because we rarely get to have fun together anymore. So I mopped around for most of the afternoon, yestereday, then I went to Wal-Mart and spent waaaaaaay to much money and then spent waaaaay to much money at the grocery store. My idea of having fun without my husband. I actually bought Maddie her birthday presents. Kevin is suppose to be searching FAO Swartz for a collectable something for her.
I didn't get to the gym today because I spent most of it cooking and cleaning for my scrapbooking class. I invited 7 people and only three showed up. I didn't get calls or anything. I hate that so much. You'd think people would at least call and say sorry I can't make it. I only invited people who scrapbook so it wasn't as if they didn't know what they were coming to. I cooked cookies and lemon bars and a casserole for dinner. Maddie was such an angel and slept for most of it. Tasha was suppose to drive down from Boston this afternoon but traffic was so bad that she ended up turning around. She called me, but the others, well see if I do them any favors any time soon. Since I have all this free time, I'm going to clean up my page a bit. It needs some updating! Tah~
July 17, 2000
AAAWWWWW come on folks trust in me again! I promise to be more on top of things with the question of the week. So far, not one person has emailed me! Are we just hiding from the fact that we don't exercise? Are we not reading my entries anymore...am I all alone out here in cyber world? Boy that would be a scary thought. Just imagine, with the amount of traffic the internet receives and not one soul reads my writings. Talk about alone time! LOL anyway, I'm doing well. Kevin made it back okay from NYC. He was exhausted, but I got a great pair of heart shaped earings from Tiffany's. It was so cool the way they wrapped it up in a little box and with a white satin rippon.
I had the day sans Maddie. She went off with Grandma at 10am so I surfed the web all morning. I checked into WW to see if they had a posting board for pregnant frustrated women who want to continue to participate in the program. They did, and I was told by a postee that I could add about 6 extra points to the regular program I was on. I don't know how true it is, but it seems fair enough. I broke out all my old paperwork and journals and started to write down everything I ate....whew...do I need practice again! I did make it to the gym and really worked out hard today. I did 20 mins on treadmill and then lifted weights and did legs on the nautalis. I'm hoping to get in 40 mins. on treadmill or eliptical tomorrow.
Other news, the landlord decided to paint the house...thank god! So the painters came and bleached it today. It already looks 100% better! Speaking of bleaching, I'm also dying my hair blond. If you have checked up on my updated Profile page then you will notice it's missing a picture of me. I'm going to have Kev take a shot of me when it's done. Tah~
July 20, 2000
I can't believe that Maddie is almost one. This emotional outburst is brought on by her one year well baby check up today. I made Kevin go with me because I knew she would be a reck with all the shots and finger pricks. She screamed and held her breath and I cried. But we got through it and she got a gold star for her health. She's 18lbs14oz and 29 inches long.
I'm doing semi-okay eating wise. My saving grace has been the gym the last few days. I'm hoping to go this afternoon if Maddie is up for it. I'd rather go in the morning, but there are so many kids and she gets a bit overwelmed by all the noise and lack of attention.
Starting tomorrow is the beginning of the end for me. I've got a huge list of things to do before we feed 65+ people on Sunday. I'm hoping not to get too stressed out. Yea right. Tah~
July 22, 2000
It's 1230am and I have been trying to update my journal for about 3 hours now. I would have given up a long time ago, but as I was surfing the diet webrings I found this success story that will make your jaw drop!!! I just had to put the link into my page. The woman lost 208 lbs. and posted pictures of her progress, which spans over two + years. . It is amazing to see the progress and the end result! Here's the link.
I hope you find it as awe inspiring as I did and book mark it so you can reference back on those days that the "I just can't do this anymore's" attack your motivation. I'm also letting you all know that I am going to be away from my computer for the next three days. Maddie's party is on Sunday and I have a ton of stuff to do. I'll take lots of digital pictures and add them to my site next week.
Lastly, I'm ditching the question of the week idea. I didn't receive any responces for this question and I'm feeling a bit alone in the world wide web. I use to get a lot of emails from well wishers and suddenly they have disapeared. I hope I haven't offended anyone and realized that the summer is a busy time. I do miss the emails and hope that you all will drop me a quick line just to let me know you are still out there. Tah~
July 25, 2000
This is the third time I've tried to update the journal. I'm really getting sick and tired of Yahoo and this page launcher program. It's either impossible to log onto, or so slow I spend two hours inserting a tiny update. I'm going to look elseware for another server to host my site. I'll continue to update here until I do.
I have to say that Maddie's Birthday went wonderfully. She was showered with love and a TON of gifts....all of which I have to get cracking on the Thank You notes for. The food was great and the company even better. I've added some pictures for everyone's enjoyment. Let me know what you think of the cakeface one! I'm logging off for now. When I cool down, I'll update more. Tah~
June 26, 2000
So much to say with so little time. First and formost...I just knew Jenna was getting the boot tonight. It makes me a little sad because she's a single mother going to college and could have used the money to help out. The producers protrayed her to be a bit goofy at times, but my heart goes out to her based on the above mentioned issues. All kidding aside, I really really think that Colleen has a great chance of winning this thing. They seem to keep overlooking her a bit. Of course I want a girl to win. Even though I'm from Rhode Island, I don't want the dorkhead Richard to win. He just crawls up me sideways. I saw him at the gym I go to last week. Strutting his so called stuff and looking as gross as he does on TV.
Enough about TV, what I really want to talk about tonight is the word Regret. I've been doing some soul searching because of the things I've found on the site ONEFATMAN.COM If you haven't hit this site yet and you are looking for some deep down brain building tools, check it out. Fred is an unbelievable motivator and is working miracles on himself.
Back to the subject at hand. I've realized that I have ALOT of regret in my life. There are so many thing I would change. That is a very hard realization to come too, because it means if I did change one thing I may very well not have my beautiful daughter whom I love more then life. It's true though. What would I change? Well, I would have finished college. I would have not spent 1993 the way that I did. Yes, almost all of 1993 was a harmful experience...it even drips into 1994. I did many many harmful things to myself and regret is not a word I'm liking. But it does describe the way I'm living now. I regret getting pregnant again so quickly after Maddie. Not just because of the havic I know I'm reeking on my body, but because it will effect the amount of quality time I spend with Maddie. I regreat porking out to almost 300 lbs. I regret the three candy bars I ate today, because I just wasn't in the thinking about the consquences mode. YES Three candy bars!
So what am I going to do about this tendency to regret? Well first, I'm going to try and slow my impulse to do do do, down, down, down. I am going to try to focus on making a rational decision before I wind up regretting again. This will take some practice since I need to "reprogram myself" as Fred would say. I have way too much life yet to sit around and regret letting another day go by without doing what it is I really want to do. Within reason of course. Beth
July 29, 2000
Good morning to everyone. Yes, it seems I'm in a much better mood. My husband took me on a date last night and we had the best time! It's been such a long time since we spent any "alone" time together. We went to the Outback Steak House and chowed on some serious prime rib. I actually only had the 8 ounce and was very careful to cut off the fat. I was lucky because my piece wasn't marbled to bad. Then we went and saw "The Nutty Proffesor II" Oh my god was that piss in your pants funny! I highly recommend going! I was in tears for most of the movie and it usually takes a lot to crack me up that dad.
I'm trying to update my journal in the morning and I can hear Maddie laughing in her crib so I'm going to have to make this shorter then I wanted. Today will be full of housework, laundry and a scrapbook page here and there. I think the iron in the red meat has boosted my energy so I'm going to try and take advantage. I can't remember if I mentioned earlier that Maddie is starting to take steps without us initating it. She has had a few crash and burns and even a blood spill. I teary eyed when I watch her because she is taking steps away from me and it is a painful process that I just cant soften for her.
I'm also going to update my picture pages. I think it's about time to put one of me on. Plus my two oldest children...Buddy and Tessa are complaining about the lack of attention. Poor cats, they just haven't been the same since I stopped feeding them wet food. Tah~
July 31, 2000
Where is all this time going to? It is flying by way to quickly! I just can't seem to get on top of my life and I've only got 15 more weeks to work it all out before the pumpkin arrives. I've taken to calling the new baby pumpkin because he/she is due so close to Thanksgiving.
Anyway I'm going to try out AOL as my new webpage server. I'm in the process of putting it together. I will begin with the August journal and slowly add updated pages as time goes on.
Tomorrow I'm hosting Maddie's playgroup. It's also doubling as her birthday party with them. It's a good way to get rid of the extra meatballs and I'm also glad that she is going to spend some time with the other kids. It's been three weeks since she's seen them. I'm getting worried about having a second child around. She isn't a needy child, but I fear that independence will go out the window as soon as the other baby arrives. I'm not finding much literature on preperation for a child as young as her.
I didn't go to the gym at all last week. I'm really in a blue funk health wise. I'm trying to shake it, but really have lost the will to care. I'm trying to motivate myself by telling myself that I will be all but useless in Seattle/ Victoria Canada unless I get my butt in gear and maintain my stamina. Tah~ Click here for August