May Days

May 1, 2000

I can't believe it's May already.  I'm turning 29 in fourteen days.  It is the most eye opening realization when you think about almost being thirty.  30  the big 3.....0.....!  The strangest part of it is that I still feel like a kid.  I watch MTV and love all the hip stuff.  Chills run down my spin when I think about it.  Now for all my readers who have reached and surpassed this monumental milestone without any major catastrophe please email me and let me know how it's going. 

Nothing new to report really.  I had a great weekend with my family.  Saturday night we went out to dinner with my sister and folks to celebrate my father's birthday.  He turned 49...we bonded over the nine part.  We went to the LOBSTER POT for dinner.  A wonderfully exploited and overrated seafood restaurant if you ask me.  Of course everyone was to polite to say a sour word.  Sunday we celebrated Greek Easter at Kevin's parents house.  It was a bevy of wonderful food which my nausea denied me access to.  I did managed to scarf down a plate of salad and a bit of spinach pie.  One of the customs of the Greek Easter celebration is the red egg game.  The easter eggs are all dyed a blood red to signify the blood of Christ.  Cooked and dyed, they are passed around and everyone picks one.  Now the object of the game is to bang the end of your egg against the egg of another and the last person with an end uncracked is the winner.  You are suppose to receive good luck the whole year, but I won the first year I spent with Kevin and had the worst luck!  The funniest part of this game is that everyone gets really serious about their egg and how long it's been cooked and dyed and so forth.  Well one of Maddies great Aunt's bought her a marble red egg for Easter so she'll always be the winner.  That was the joke of the night.   We had fun and Maddie made out like it was her birthday.  She received three huge bunnies, 7 outfits and 3 onesies.  I also had one of Kevin's cousins do the ring test over my belly.  She swears it's a boy.  She also did the ring test over my rist to give me the whole kit and kaboddle.  I'm going to have Maddie, this baby and another pregnancy which may be twin boys.  I'm relaxing today and trying to summon up the energy to go for a walk.  It's warm and sunny out so maybe when Maddie wakes up I'll go.  Happy May Day to all!  Tah~

May 5, 2000

It's been an emotional week for me.  I've had to deal with some pretty serious issues and I'm just glad I survived.  I've had a death in the family, a cancer discovery in the family, Kevin stressed out, and a good friend of ours discovered their 2 month old baby dead in the crib.  I'm hanging onto a huge piece of thread....my sanity.  Here it is the prime of Spring and there seems to be death all around my family.  It's sad.  I'm also going to have to put up with another week of no husband because he's going to goto Nashville for a conference.  Sucks...I didn't marry military for a reason but it seems I'm still having to use the single parent surviver skills my mother taught us when my father was at sea.  I'm tucking in my chin and braceing myself for the blows. 
I'm getting into the warm weather and Maddie and I played outside this week.  I haven't made it to the gym but I'm still eating better.  Tah~

May 7, 2000

I've been doing some serious soul searching today.  Kevin left for his business trip and will be gone for three days so it's allowed me some time to myself which I've totally needed.  I've come to some conclusions about what I feel is missing.  I seem to be forgetting to set aside some time for me.  Of course that can be a hard task especially since I've been pregnant for what seems like forever.  My mind is starving for education.  It's becoming a bone dry sponge because I'm not keeping it damp with the liquid of life.  I seem to be floating on auto pilot in order to survive what I think needs to be surviving.  So many deaths around me lately has made me wonder if I am proud of who I've become.  I look at my daughter and I know I've done good.  Still she will grow up and become her own person and then I'm still left with me.  Finding time to pursue my dreams or interest always gets pushed to the back burner because I put everything else first.  For example, I just had to pause my train of thought to go and check on my child who needed her diaper changed.  DO NOT get me wrong.  I love my family and I love the freedom it's given me.  I hated being tied to a desk for 8 hours aday.  I am so NOT a working girl in the typical sense of the word.  I hated the walls trapping me in day after day.  I hated to monotanty of it all.  So the trade off has been to my likeing for the most part. They say be careful for what you wish for.  It did  come true for me.  I just forgot to factor in a few things for my self on the day I made the wish.  Right now I'm trying to figure it all out.  I'll let ya know my conclusions on it all when I reach it.  Tah~  P.S.  Thanks for all the emails and WONDERFUL words I've been getting.  It really helps me out!  Beth

May 21, 2000

I'm been MIA for two weeks now and let me tell you how many times I've passed my computer and just kept going.  It's been a tough two weeks emotionally for me.  I've done some cleaning out of my closests...in disgust.  I probably donated over 1000 worth of clothing to Salvation Army.  I was just tired of packing away the skinny outfits then pulling them out, then packing them away again.  I then went an bought new fat clothes.  It sucked, but it's done. 
I spent some time talking to my girlfriend who lost her son to SIDS.  It's been a tough road for her to go down.  She has really sparked some fears in me and talking with her has helped us both.  I was afraid to visit her or go to the funeral due to my pregnancy and Maddie who she just loves. 
Work is getting harder due to the clumbsness and the tourist and their whiney asses!  Money is still good and I am down to Monday and Tuesday nights for at least a few more weeks. 
Kevin finished his second class with a B and has decided to take the summer off.  He is doing fine, but super busy.  Maddie is learning to walk and into everything.  She has descovered that if she screams really loud that she will get attention.  She also has croup again.  I am getting more energy everyday but starting to get uncomfortable. and peeing every hour.  The gym is closed for renevations this week and I've talked my girlfriend into kicking me in the butt in order to get back into the swing of things.  That's really about all I have to update you on.  I'm still working on the emotional stuff,. but chalking most of it up to ragin hormones....Kevin told me he's never seen my this emotionally sensative before.  So I know it's got to be the pregnancy.  OH I discovered Healthly Choice Ice Cream.....pretty darn good for diet stuff!  Tah~