I. Bullies are abusers They aren't
just bullies. They're mental abusers.
You've probably
read articles about how to get along with bully bosses, which should be
filed with articles about how to live with rattlesnakes. Both are going
to get you; it's their nature. Victims of any kind of abuse, in families
or work settings, should not have to get along with their abusers! My theory
is that company executives who are obsessed with making more and more money
for themselves and their stockholders by cutting costs wherever they can,
are replacing good, experienced managers with cheaper models, and getting
what they are paying for. Employees who are prematurely given power over
other employees tend to use their power instead of good management techniques
to get people to produce.
Good managers
don't have to know how to do everything they are responsible for. They
know that if they hire good employees who do know how, pay them fairly
and treat them with respect, their departments are going to run smoothly.
Managers who
cannot admit they don't know everything are afraid they're going to be
found out, so their management style is desperate. To them, the very employees
whose talents and skills can make their departments succeed are threats,
because they are the ones who know their "emperors" don't have any clothes
on. To keep their power and status, they must keep such people "down" and
"in their places"; they must control everyone and everything they
do.
They don't "manage";
they just go around being "the boss". Like the insecure big kid who bullies
kids on the playground to show them who's boss, insecure managers and supervisors
bully employees to show them who's boss.
There are a lot
of reasons people become bullies. For instance, bullies know they are phonies,
so they don't like or respect themselves and don't expect anyone else to.
They don't know how to build loyalty so they settle for fear from their
intimidation. They may crave control at work because they feel helpless
in their private lives. Many abusers/ bullies have been abused all their
lives and don't know there is any other way to relate to or motivate people.
Bullies don't
pick fights they can't win, and bully managers always win because they
can intimidate with their power to fire or give raises and bonuses. They
manipulate their prey with mind games, which can make their victims feel
as helpless as though they were physically threatened. When an employee
quits rather than take the abuse, the bully figures he's won over a weakling
who couldn't do the job right anyway.
Because of their
fragile egos and insecurities, bully bosses are especially susceptible
to "kissing up". They need, thrive on, and reward flattery. Employees who
believe good work will triumph over clever politics get punishment/abuse
rather than the rewards they deserve from their little emperors who
crave worship.
Bullies abuse
people. Bullies in the work place are employee abusers, and that's what
they should be called. "Bully" lets them off too easy, as though what they
do is some kind of kids' play, which it is not. It destroys people.
Before you can
win at your abuser's game, you must know the rules and understand your
opponent's strategy, which are covered in the next section, "What is employee
abuse?" You do not have to destroy your abuser to win. You win when you
stop being a victim.
