Daily
Survival Kit for Serious Illness
by Thomas L. McDermitt
a long-time cancer patient and sceptic
1. Today I am going to try to live through this day only, and not
dwell on or attempt to solve all my problems all at once; just
focus on the piece that is today. I can do something for several
hours that would be difficult to even think about continuing for
several months.
2. Just for today, I am willing to accept the possibility that
there is a purpose to this suffering; that it can be a source of
meaning and growth for myself and others, although I may not
always recognize the ways. And it seems possible that this
suffering will not be in vain, because of what may be some kind
of existence beyond.
3. Just for today, let me remind myself that I am basically a
worthwhile person, worth loving, despite my faults and limits. I
deserve the efforts of others to help me through my illness.
4. Just for today, I want to be aware that it is all right to
want too much from others at times. Illness brings out and
intensifies the small child in all of us. And if I feel hurt when
those who care for me cannot be there, it may help to remember
that they have need, frailties, and limitations of their own. A
lack of response does not mean that they are personally rejecting
me.
5. Today I may feel the need to complain a great deal; I may have
little tolerance; I may cry; I may scream. That does not mean
that I am less courageous or strong. All are ways of expressing
anger over this mess, of rightly mourning my losses. Endurance
itself is courage.
6. It is my life at stake now. So maybe today I can allow myself
to be a little less concerned about the reactions or impressions
of others. Maybe I can allow myself to feel a little less guilty
or bad about what I did not accomplish or give. Perhaps today I
can be a little more gentle toward myself.
7. Surviving all this is all so difficult. At times it seems
impossible - that I have had enough. Down the line I will know if
and when I have had enough, when I cannot push the limits any
further. I will have the right to choose to stop, without feeling
that I am "giving up." But today I think I can deal
with this illness. Sorrow runs very deep, but I think I can rise
again.
8. Just for today, maybe I can give healing "the benefit of
the doubt." The drugs are powerful; the natural healing
capacity of my body is powerful. And who knows perhaps there is a
healing power in my will to struggle, and in the collective love
and will of others.
9. Just for today, perhaps I can take heart that we are all
connected. And I may still have some things left to contribute to
the family of man; some light to add to the light. Even now my
endurance (however imperfect) is a gift, an inspiration for
others in their struggles.
10. It seems reasonable that there is a season for everything,
and a time for every purpose. Pain, weakness, and exhaustion may
distort my senses and spirit. Today, however, I can at least find
some hope in nature's way, if not in some master plan. The
chances are fairly good, and it seems worthwhile to hope that I
will have some cycle of wellness yet.