.....to Know the Face of My Enemy
by Robert Basinger

I read with interest the stories listed on your page regarding Lyme disease and what it can do to you, and how different people attribute their recovery to so many things.

I contracted Lyme disease in 1969, long before anyone knew what the disease was. I could give you the saddest story of a disintegrating life that you could ever want to read. Because of the symptoms that mimicked heart attacks, strokes, brain tumors, etc., etc., etc., I gave up a flying career, lost interest in life, developed major depression and saw my production and income nose dive to bleak levels with no hope in sight for improvement. I was examined by dozens of doctors, sent to dozens of specialists, x-rayed and CAT scanned and given every test one could imagine.

I am college educated with a degree in psychology. Along with that education came a certain disdain for anyone who is intellectually incapable of dealing with their problems. I have always been a take-charge person who advanced exceedingly rapidly at anything I chose to undertake in life. Over the course of time, from 1969 to 1989, I watched my life fall apart - with the cruelest blow of all being told "It is an emotional problem". All clinical tests for anything the doctors knew about were negative.

Over the course of those twenty years, I willingly consulted numerous psychiatrists. We tried many medications, only to discover that I had become terribly sensitive to the side effects or that they produced no results while inducing other problems. (This from a man who for his whole life could take any medication and never have the slightest complication.) The psychiatrists all agreed on one thing: I seemed perfectly normal except for mild to moderate depression and short term memory impairment. I was told that they believed my condition was physical and this long term illness was the cause of my depression.

I was strongly encouraged to seek additional medical help (Catch 22). In early 1985, I complied by spending three weeks and thousands of dollars at a world renown medical clinic (which included another psychiatric evaluation). The results: "We believe something is wrong with you, but we don't know what it is". I was impressed with their honesty and encouraged to know that it wasn't all in my head as had been suggested.

In  mid-1985, in an effort to help myself and stop any further physical deterioration, I initiated a rigorous program of exercise: weight training; racquetball; karate. In spite of painful joints, chest pains and numerous neurological manifestations, I continued to push myself. Every morning was an exercise in pain just to get out of bed. This did, however, seem to stabilize my condition. I also forced myself back into social situations and back to work. I was determined to regain my self-confidence and respect for myself.

The next five years were a struggle, but I managed to considerably improve the quality of my life. Even with this improvement I knew that what might appear to others as a normal life was less than 50% of a life for me. This would be painfully brought home to me when I would suddenly awaken one day to discover that I felt perfectly normal. In that day alone I could accomplish a months work, all my fatigue would vanish, my stamina would return to normal, my attitude was that of old - sunny and cheerful. I came to dread those days because no matter how hard I tried to hang on to them they would fade away over the next week. At the same time, it gave me hope that perhaps somehow I could find the key that would give me those days back forever. Days of hope and black despair coupled together.

While reading an article on Lyme disease in 1990, I was shocked to discover that I had every single symptom of the disease. I managed to find an independent laboratory to do a Lyme test, which came back positive. I then contacted a Lyme disease specialist who had a repeat blood test performed by Johns Hopkins Lyme Serology Laboratory. It came back very positive, even to a very high dilution percentage.

After starting a regimen of high dose antibiotics, my short-term memory made a rapid return. The myriad other problems that had developed over these many years lessened, but many manifestations still remain while others took several years to resolve.

Finding a doctor, even today, who is knowledgeable about Lyme disease is a Herculean effort. Don't allow yourself to be placed unquestioningly in their hands. They work for you. They are not Gods. In fact, a great number of them are minimally competent and become extremely threatened if you exhibit any knowledge about their profession or methods of treatment. When you sense this attitude, keep looking.

I am living proof that you can keep going and, with enough effort, you can still have quality and success in your life. You must take the initiative. As one physician said, "After going untreated so long, I believe that anyone else I know would have been in a wheelchair by now. You saved your own life by refusing to give up".

I am not cured. The very best I have accomplished is to know the face of my enemy and hold him at arms length. Some days he gets much closer. On those days I remind myself that this, too, will pass - and look toward tomorrow. I am greatly encouraged by the news that the spirochete has been totally sequenced and the discovery that it produces not only OPS A, but B, and C. The vaccine testing results from this new knowledge are exciting to say the least, curing all of the mice infected with chronic Lyme disease.

I will never surrender. I will fight until cured or dead. Do I get scared? Hell, yes! It is hard not to when your heart is trying to jump out of your chest. Do I feel diminished, foolish and humiliated when I can't do something I have done well a thousand times, or remember something I was told a few minutes before? Absolutely! Do I have times of despair? You bet!

But, I am determined that these feelings will not rule my life. I am the director of my ultimate destiny while on this earth. I may not be able to make it what it once could have been, but I can still make the most of what I have left to work with.

I wanted to keep this missive much shorter than this but find so much that needs to be said. I watched an exciting and richly rewarding life disintegrate for twenty years while being told nothing was wrong. I watched the almost gleeful response of health professionals who implied that I was just not as mentally strong as they. So I write this in the hope that it will encourage others who are struggling. Do not give up. You are not alone and can do many things to make your life better. Others of us do understand your suffering. Do not fall victim to the belief that what has happened to us is fate, punishment or God's will. We are simply victims of a parasitic illness that anyone can contract, even while engaged in man's noblest pursuits. Our destiny and that of future sufferers is in our hands. We must encourage our researchers and prod our doctors and government officials until they recognize the seriousness of our condition and treat us with the respect and dignity we deserve

For more information on Lyme disease see: Lots Of Links On Lyme Disease

Last updated on 29 December 2000 by
Art Doherty
Lompoc, California
doherty@utech.net

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