April 2000

Starting Weight: 177.6
Monthly Goals:   Reach 169lbs.
                                   Exercise consistently 5x/week
                                   Drink 64oz water/day

April 2, 2000 (Sun) - Hey guys. I hope you all had a good weekend. I did. I just think it's too short.  I worked out yesterday and boy am I sore. I drank sooo much water yesterday. I'm really trying to take this 12-week challenge seriously. I am going to have to commit myself to myself in order to see any real results.  I am psyched though! I am so tired of being overweight. The weather's getting nice and I'm beginning to see all these girls with tank tops, short sleeves, and the backless shirts and I am sooooooooo jealous. Why can't that be me? Well, I know it can be me. I just have to work real hard to get it.  I'm used to hard work so I know I WILL do it.  Anyways, I hope you are all hanging in there! We must do this.  Have a great week and remember to DRINK WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Signing out!
  
                                      Weekly Goal(s): Drink 96oz. water/day
                                                                       Work-out at least 3x
                                                                       Stop eating by 9:00pm

April 3, 2000 (Mon) - Hey! All is well. I worked out this morning and I feel really good. I am a bit tired though because of that hour we lost last night!  I ate very well today and drank 120oz. of water (WOW).  I stopped eating at 8:00 tonight. I had my class but I bought a turkey on whole wheat sandwhich and some carrot sticks. I just hope that I will continue this way! I would love to hear from you guys so please drop me a line to say hi and let me know how you're doing! I'd love to hear from you (e-mail me) - just to make sure that ppl. actually read my journal :).  Well, I'm calling it a night. I hope you all have a good night and a GREAT Tuesday!  Signing Out!

April 4, 2000 (Tue) - Good evening all. I just want to thank you all for the overwhelming e-mails you've sent today. I really needed the encouragement. Thanks guys. I am soooo happy that I created this page. I feel like this time is going to be different because I have support from some great folks and I feel responsible to each and every one of them.  I want to encourage others like some of you have and are doing for me.  There are days that I just read weight loss journals at work and each time, I come across someone's site that truly helps keep me motivated.  I am committed this time. It's become like a ritual for me  - I come home, eat a HEALTHY dinner, get myself ready for the next day and then I make a cup of tea, sit down at my computer and write in my journal. It's become a total habit now.  Well, today I did very well. I didn't work out but I did eat healthy and drank 96oz of water (GO ME).  I am getting good about drinking my water though the frequent trips to the bathroom are annoying but hey - it's worth it!  I really want that scale to go down at my next weigh-in. I would really like to get out of the 170's. When I reach 169lbs, I'm going to CELEBRATE!  (Not with food of course).  Some of you guys have asked me about my pictures. It's coming. I ordered a camera especially for the purpose of taking pictures of my progress so as soon as I get my camera, I am going to take a picture and post it on my page. Well, guys I've said a mouthfull. It's time for me to hit the sack!  I hope you all have a great day and KEEP GOING! LOL!  Signing Out!

April 5, 2000 (Wed) - Hey guys. I'm exhausted so this will be short and sweet. Overall I had a very good day. I woke up and went to the gym before work today. I did the Cardio Bootcamp class which is as murderous as it sounds. This class entails interval training. We use jump ropes and have many drills. It's challenging to say the least.  I also drank all my water 96oz.  I have to tell you guys about a triumph I had today.  I went to a market research thing tonight (they pay ppl. for their views on certain topics).  Well, I knew it would be around dinner time so I packed a turkey sandwhich, carrot sticks, and a banana so that I wouldn't be starving afterwards.  Well, they had Doritos, pretzels and some really pretty cookies there and boy was I tempted. I saw other ppl. get up and get things to eat, meanwhile I had my own food in my bag.  Well, all I kept saying was, "No Pam, you can't do this.  You have to be strong.  You can't let down the ppl. that read your journal.  Don't do it."  Well, it worked. I didn't do it and I ate the meal I had and I was sooooooo proud of myself.  It was hard but I am tired of being overweight and allowing food to control me like it has in the past. I really want to break the cycle.  When I get to a comfortable weight then I can start treating myself occasionally with a cookie or two..or three.  Anyways, I have to get going - I know I said it would be short and sweet, hey I lied.  I am planning to go walking/jogging around the park tomorrow with my buddy so I have got to get some rest.  By the way I came across a new site today that is absolutely marvelous.  It's a page filled with nothing but success stories. It's called The Weigh We Were. I don't know about you but I get so encouraged when I read success stories - it makes me feel like I can do it to.  Check this page out if you get a chance.  I hope you all have a good day!  Signing Out!

April 6, 2000 (Thur) - What a day it's been. I have a paper due tomorrow so I've been working and doing my paper all day. It's nearly finished though.  I had a good day today. Nothing excited except one thing. I went to a store today and tried on a dress. It was sooo nice but I refuse to buy anything now that I don't plan on wearing for after I reach my goal weight - so what did I do?  Well, I tried on a size 12 and it fit o.k. (a little snug).  Well, I went to the rack, picked up a size 8, and put the size 8 on Lay-A-Way. I have 6 weeks to pay for it so what I plan on doing is just working hard to get into that dress at the end of my 12-week challenge (June 24th).  I know that's a little much but I bought it (not all of it yet) so now it's mine and I refuse to waist $70.00  I will do it guys, I HAVE to.  Other than that, my day went o.k. Nothing thrilling.  I drank my water and I ate very healthy today, although I didn't work out - I'm too sore.  I will go to the gym tomorrow though. Well guys, I've gotta get going. I will be back tomorrow.  Signing Out.

April 8 (Sat) - What a wonderful day it is.  I got up today, ate oatmeal and a hard boiled egg for breakfast and now I'm getting ready to meet my Sister for our Saturday Workout (we go to her gym and work out for like 2 hours).  Yesterday I went to a Spin Class at the gym - It was great (my butt doesn't even hurt from the hard seat).  Well, I am doing it guys. I just pray that I stay this motivated.  I really want to look good for when I go to Jamaica (Labor Day Weekend). I will purchase a nice Bikini for the 1st time in my life - I have to.  Anyways, I better get going, I have a lot to accomplish today!  Have a GREAT day!  Signing Out!

April 10 (Mon) - Hey All. I hope your weekend was a  good one. I had a good one. On Saturday, I did go to my Sister's and we did Tae Bo for 1/2 hour and then we hit the gym.  I realized that I don't like video workouts. I need to be out in the gym or park with other people around me, motivating me. I take a Tae Bo class at the gym (it's actually called Cardio Kickboxing) and I sweat much more there than I do when I'm working out to  a video.  That's just my view.  As far as eating goes, I did well this weekend. I didn't drink as much water as I should but hey - one thing at a time. I really want this guys and I want it bad. I realize that It's not about being "Skinny" it's about feeling good and confident in my body. If I can feel like that at 150lbs., then that's where I'll stay. I just want to be a healthy and active person.  I want to be out there biking, hiking, camping, fishing, running, rollerblading, taking long walks, etc. (you get the picture). I just want to enjoy life and it's beauty.  When you feel horrible about yourself,  you can't enjoy these things. I am finding beauty in everything now - for example, I live near the Botanical Gardens and the Cherry Blossoms are blooming and it made me smile. I love trees, I love nature. I never really did.  I'm going to visit family Memorial Day Weekend and I'm really looking forward to the journey there (I'm renting a car and driving).  Anyways, I woke up today and I was exhausted but I forced myself to get up, go to the gym and workout - even though it wasn't for a long time.  I just keep telling myself that this is a commitment to myself. I have to do this for me. Although I'm tired as hell right now, I feel good because I did get up and workout!  Well, I hope you all have a GREAT day.  Keep going, ONE Step at a time WILL get you there!  Signing Out!

April 12 (Wed) - Hey friends. I hope all is well. I'm so-so. I've been doing good but not as motivated as I was last week. I've been soo tired this week. I went to the gym today and I plan on going tomorrow. I'm not giving up.  I drank 72oz of water today and ate fairly healthy. I could do better though.  I plan on kicking it up a notch (for all of you that watch Emeril, the Chef) for the last 2 weeks of April.  I want to make my goal (169lbs) badly.  It's so cold here in NY. I mean it was snowing yesterday. What's up with that? I really am tired tonight so I'm going to make this entry short and sweet. I hope you all have a GREAT day!  Signing Out!

April 13(Thur)
Well today was not a good day. I didn't get up to exercise nor did I drink all of my water. I'm loosing my steam.  I will get up tomorrow though and go to my spinning class.  I sometimes feel like I'll never be thin. I feel at times like I'm going to be fat forever.  I really hate to think like this but it's how I feel right now. I visit other sites where ppl. have reached their goals and I wonder HOW! I hope to be a success story someday.  I have to put myself first - not everyone and everything but myself. Today I spoke with a guy I've been dating and he basically confessed to me that he's dating some other chick.  Now it's not that I'm in love with this guy and that he's "THE ONE" but I'm still bothered by the fact that he's going out with someone else (although it's not serious, he says). To men, no relationship is serious, I mean they can be married and still they'll say well I'm not in a "SERIOUS" relationship.  I'm venting right now because I don't understand men at times and I'm tired of trying to figure them out.  I've come to the conclusion however, that at this point of my life, I need to focus on myself - not a man.  Well, the jerk is suppose to call me tonight to "talk" but when we do, I plan on being calm and not getting upset - I mean I really have no right to be mad because we're not in a "SERIOUS" relationship. I guess my ego has been bruised.  It's alright though because I do so much better when I'm not in a relationship - I'm much more focused on my goals. 

Anyways, I am trying to get thru this week (diet-wise). I plan on re-dedicating myself to my weightloss and I will do so. I know I have what it takes, I just have to apply myself.  I hope you are all hanging in there with me!  I know we can do this. Have a good day!  Signing Out!

April 16 (Sun)
If I could sum up my weekend (diet-wise) in one word - it would have to be FAILURE!  I did horribly this weekend. It started on Thursday night with Chinese food, then Friday I did workout in the morning but I went to lunch with co-workers and I ate Mexican food (all the free chips and salsa you can eat). Well, I really felt like I had no control over food this weekend. The funny thing is that I didn't even truly enjoy the food - I was just eating it!  I hope that I haven't jeapordized reaching my monthy goal weight of 169lbs.  I really want to give up sometimes - just accept that I will be fat forever and give up.  I will gather up all my strength and get back on the horse.  I guess everyone goes thru this at some point - I know I've gone thru this slump several times.  It's just that if I saw results quickly then, I would be motivated to keep going.  I guess I'm really not giving it my all and I need to.   Oh, about that jerky guy, he's o.k. He woke up early Saturday morning to help me pick up an entertainment system.  I am not jealous of this other girl because I know he does care for me and that's all that matters - we're just friends and therefore, can date whomever we want to date.  We'll see how he handles it when I'm the one dating someone else - they never like that.  But I blew everything out of proportion and I will not do that again as far as he's concerned.  MEN - can't live with them, can't live without them!  Well guys, please e-mail some encouraging words, I don't want to give up but it's just so hard to continue sometimes.  I hope everyone else is hanging in there!  Take Care! 

April 17 (Mon)
Hey all.  Well today was a much better day.  I ate all my fruit and veggies today, drank 72oz. of water but most importantly I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!  Still not 100% but I plan on going to the gym tomorrow and the rest of the week.  I didn't get to go this morning because the alarm clock failed to go off (my fault).  Well, I know for a fact that the weather is part of the reason why I've been in a slump.  I get really depressed in the Winter and when it's rainy or cloudy - when the sun is out, I'm alive.  I have to find ways to get around this - I can't go off my program just because the weather sucks!  I have to find ways to cheer myself up and get up and workout in any type of weather (any suggestions, please e-mail me).  Tomorrow morning I'm going to get my butt up and go to the gym, plain and simple.  I am going to fight to the end to reach my goal for the month!  Other than that, I love the way my apartment is coming along.  It looks soooooo cozy.  I only need a few more things- curtains, an area rug, and maybe a little paint. No, I haven't just moved, I've been in this apartment for 1.5 years but I just need a little change!  Anyhoo, I better be getting to bed now!  I've got a full day ahead of me!  Oh by the way, I will weigh in tomorrow - wish me luck! Signing out!

April 18 (Tues)
Hey all, I learned a valuable lesson today - Scales are evil creatures which can make one give up a healthy lifestyle!!! I weighed myself today and came to the conclusion that I will weigh-in only once a month.  I felt so discouraged when I stepped on that scale and realized that the scale hadn't moved - still 178lbs.  I felt like giving up at that point.  But as the day progressed, I realized that I can't allow that scale to do this to me.  From now on, I am going to use my clothes and my energy level  as a way to measure my progress.   Today was a good day other than that.  I went to the gym this morning, drank 96oz of water, ate my veggies and fruits.  I'm so happy that I'm doing well because it shows that I'm determined - committed to my cause.  I had a temporary set-back but now I'm back - I have to do this.   I am going to wake up tomorrow morning and go to the gym and I'm going to aim to drink 120oz of water.  I hope you're hanging in there - drop me a line (e-mail me) to let me know how you're coming along.   Take care people!   Signing out!

April 23 (Sun)
Happy Easter all!  What a weekend!  I totally fell off my program from Thursday on.   I gave up.  I'm tired all.  I just want to quit but I'm trying to hang in there.   My Sister, who is loosing weight is doing a great job and for some reason I feel that will never be me.  I don't know where my motivation went.  I just feel sooooooooo very out of control.  I have so much going on inside my head that I haven't been taking responsibility for my health.  I am going to try and get it back - only I can do this.  I hope everyone had a great weekend and is hanging in there.  Take care all!  Lots of Love!

April 25 (Tues)
I'm here guys.  Thank you all for sending those encouraging e-mails.   Over the past few days, I realized that there were things in my personal life that were holding me back from accomplishing my weightloss goals.  What I realize is that my personal life includes my weighloss journey as well.  I was too focused on the outside, the physical instead of my emotial well being.  For me, when other aspects of my life aren't going well (a bad relationship, for example) I cannot focus on loosing weight.  Do any of you feel this way?  I made a pretty bold decision to cut off that guy I wrote about earlier.  I was allowing this relationship to hold me down - it should never have gone this far.   Anyways, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I feel so free.  I now have regained all that negative energy and am using it positively - for bettering myself, physical, emotionally, and spirtually.   I did the right thing.  I am sure I'll have my days when I get lonely but instead of turning to a man or to food, I'm going to turn to God for support.   A reader told me about the Weigh Down Workshop program.  I have visited their site on several occasions but never thought about joining.  It's a Bible based weightloss program and I am going to give it a try.  I need to get my life together - not just loose weight.  Loosing weight won't make me happy alone.  I hope you all realize that - you have to work on the issues that made you heavy in the first place - it's never just about food.  Well gang, I'm heading off to work (I took a half day to get my head together and re-group).   I'll chat with you all at another date.  Don't get worried if you don't see me updating as often, I have a lot of soul searching to do.  It was bought to my attention by Beth (a fellow on-line journaler) that writing in your on-line journal doesn't make you loose weight.   This sounds weird but so many of us fall into that trap.  You have to get out there and do it - don't just talk about it....be about it (my motto from now on!)  Well, all of you try to hang in there.  Signing out!