My name is Don and I was love with a  women suffering from a mental illness. She brought joy to my heart and laughter to my life. She was also my very, very best friend. But the hardships of living with someone suffering from this illness took it's toll. She is like most people in everyday life. She laughs and she cries . But what separates her from most is that she has bipolar disorder. So, although she has the same emotions that we all enjoy, hers have more extreme cycles. Higher highs, lower lows. And these cycles are what set her and others like her apart from the rest of us. It at times is like living on a roller coaster. This story is about what my life was like on what I call "The Other Side of the Face."

Frustration! If I had to narrow life with a bipolar to a single word, this would be it. When I first met her I noticed that she was extremely emotional, but I didn’t actually know then how extreme. All of the doctors she had seen had misdiagnosed her as clinically depressed. This worked well for the times she would hide in her room for days on end, but there were also the rages. The times when her mind was going so fast she made no sense at all. The tantrums, breaking things that she dearly loved for no apparent reason. What could I do to help her then? Why was she acting this way? Myself and other people around her were scared of her during these times. Is this woman crazy? Frustrating, my friends. On the outside of the face, I'd try to make sense of what’s going on in there. I couldn't. Because she couldn't. The impulses between the neurotransmitters in the brain were going to all the wrong places. The only analogy that fits is, supposing some one switched all the plug wires around in your automobile engine. Wouldn’t run very well, would it? Similar.

I would like to thank all my friends on the web for the advise and concern they have shown. They have truly tried to save my marriage. They let me step back and see the reasons for the extreme mood swings and how to react to them.

What I have learned from them is precious to me. Also if you are in a relationship with a person who has this disorder or you think they may, read, read, read. This disorder is treatable. The roller coaster ride can be flattened out to a great degree with proper medication and psychiatric help. I’ll try and condense the most important ways I’ve learned to live out here from all the words I’ve heard and read.

First and foremost and most important: DO NOT get pulled into the mania. Most mania surfaces as rage or anger. They may say some terribly hurtful things, she and I called it "pulling out the knives." She had at times ripped me to shreds with them. They probably don’t mean them either. Get away, take a walk, go see a movie, whatever! Give them time to cycle back down, let them have a way out, a way to save face. As hurt as you are, they are probably just as embarrassed. People with this disorder simply have to have time alone. Time to rewire, time to come down off the high or up from the low. GIVE them that time alone!

And second, don’t ever say to a person with any kind of mental illness "Just don’t be that way" or "Get a grip." I said it early on and trust me on this one friends: Don’t you think they would if they could! Everyone I’ve talked to with a mental illness has tried it strictly on will power. No way, not gonna happen, doesn’t work. We are talking about a chemical imbalance inside the brain as surely as a diabetic has an imbalance inside the pancreas. You simply HAVE to medicate. Since she was properly diagnosed two years ago and given the proper medication, the change has been dramatic. Sure she still has episodes, but the extremity has lessened. But it is an illness that will be with her for the rest of her life.  People with this disorder tear through peoples lives leaving legacies of pain and confusion.

And what I’d like to share last is the most important, at least in my life and my relationship. "Don’t take it personally!" You are a person yourself, you have feelings and emotions too. You have to have a tremendous amount of inner personal strength to remain in a relationship of this kind. But like all relationships, you can’t give so much of yourself that there is nothing left. Get a life! All God's children have a breaking point. Our relationship is rocky at times, as any relationship can be. Take the space YOU need to center yourself and be in control of YOUR life.

There is a different kind of suffering and confusion going on inside the mind and heart of the significant other. To think that this illness only effects the sufferer, is being rather short sighted. Some of the people I've met and talked to who suffer from this illness seem to forget this. They seem to overlook the feelings of the person standing by their side, willing to go to any lengths out of their love, to help with the burden and the pain. They are ignoring one of the most precious paths to being happy. There are sites where you may not feel welcome. Find one that you are comfortable with and accepts you as an SO. There are supports groups out there that take the feelings of SO's seriously and there are sadly, some that don't. To tell an SO that is so loyal and loving that "they just don't belong," is setting them apart and is creating a stereotype similar to that which the bipolar sufferer is trying to dispel. Closing ones mind to other peoples hurts and pains is wrong regardless of the situation. It accomplishes nothing. They should try living life on "The Other Side of the Face."

Peace to all!

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