My name is Larry. I was diagnosed manic depressive back in 1972. I have read your wife's story and it is quite different from mine. I have experienced the extreme highs of mania. From what I have read though, even they can be extremely different for different people. I read An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison and was very surprised. I was never violent. I was just the opposite. I was very high, but benevolent. I would give away everything I had, and try to donate all of my time to helping anyone I would come across for any reason you can think of. Problem was though, I was so high and erratic, I would try to go in ten directions at once, so never actually accomplished anything. Every manic phase was preceded by a suicidal depressive stage. It would last for 2 to 5 months straight. No rapid cycling for me! Then I would slowly start to pull out of it, and would be normal for a short time, and just keep on swinging upward until I was fully manic. I never hallucinated. I was delusional though. The first time I was manic I was so high that enough medication to knock out an elephant didn't even phase me. Shock therapy worked though. I relapsed about 6 months later and went through the whole cycle again. Medication worked the second time. Lithium and Melloril.

I got married 2 years later. I was fairly stable for a long time. I took lithium and had two blood levels taken every year. I was able to work steady and employers were very happy with my attendance and performance. Very steady. While I was married I never experienced any deep depression (occasional melancholy) and never any mania until the very end of the relationship 7 years later. About 5 years into the marriage I started having other nervous problems. I got very tense and could hardly move after a while, I was so tight. Then I started having major panic attacks, and almost became a shut in. I forced myself to go to work but everything set me off. I made sure my lithium level was correct, which it was, and that worried me greatly because I thought I would have no problems as long as I was medicated properly. My wife was very insecure to begin with and depended on me greatly in our marriage. Our relationship deteriorated as I was forced to put more attention on myself and my problems and less on her. She felt abandoned, but I had nothing to give her while I was screwed up. I think a relationship like yours has a better chance of surviving. I know a man at work who is married to a bipolar woman and he told me that he is able to cope on his own when she is out of it, and still be supportive. He also told me that he just doesn't worry about it. When the times are right they come together, when they are not they stay apart more. One thing I have noticed. People who are extremely moody are more capable of being loving and attentive and understanding when they are okay, then normal people. But they are also a lot nastier when they aren't okay. Weather the storm, and you'll be in for a real treat! At least until the next storm hits.

I'm 47 now and have been divorced since 1980. I managed to figure out my problems and I understand manic depression very well now. My understanding has made it possible for me to manage it without any help from medication for 19 years now. It cost me my marriage, and because of the extreme emotions and experiences I have been through, I have yet to find anyone who can understand and love me. Ironically, woman were more interested in me when I was ill. I've yet to find one that is already vested in happiness and health, who is looking for a partner to share that with. Most of the women who are looking are not happy, and are looking for a man to make it all better. I think ideally the best partner for me would be another manic depressive who has managed to come to terms with it the same way I did. I know that differences are important in a relationship, but certain basic understandings are too. Empathy can't exist between people unless there is a shared experience. It's like over half of my life andexperience is totally alien to most people. When I do get to know someone quite well and tell them about my experiences with manic depression, they are either shocked, amazed, scared, repulsed, or intrigued. No one says that they understand though. That places me as something unknown to them, and people are generally afraid or uncomfortable with the unknown.

I hope you can find something useful in this Don. Good luck to you and Kathy.

Sincerely,

Larry

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