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You Know Your Aging When....
:o) I'm not telling which ones, but.....I can
relate to some of these! *S*
The gleam in your eyes is from the sun
hitting your bifocals.
Your children begin to look middle aged.
Your
knees buckle, but your belt won't.
Your back goes out more often than
you do.
The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your
wife.
You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the
medicine cabinet.
A fortune teller offers to read your face.
Your
little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
You get winded
playing chess.
A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder
urge.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the
questions.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Everything hurts and
what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
You feel like the morning after, and
you haven't been anywhere.
You're still chasing women but can't
remember why.
Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago
Today..."
You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than
romantic ones.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it
going.
You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.
After
painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a
second coat.
Dialing long distance wears you out.
You just can't
stand people who are intolerant.
The best part of your day is over when
your alarm clock goes off.
You burn the midnight oil until 9
pm.
Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty
girl go by.
You sink your teeth into a steak -- and they stay
there.
Just for grins........How much can you
remember?
Blackjack and Beechman's gum
Powerhouse candy
bars
Licorice records
Wax teeth, lips and mustaches
Wax
Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
Candy lipstick
Candy
cigarettes
Fizzies
Soda pop machines that dispense bottles
Pull
tabs that snapped off soda cans
Tableside jukeboxes in coffee
shops
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard
stoppers
Movies preceded by cartoons and newsreels
Party
lines
Rotary phones
Drive-ins with car hops
Sock hops
Winter
rubber boots with metal latches
Coonskin caps
P.F. Flyers
Angora
sweaters
Bouffant hairdos
Spoolies
Hair dryers with plastic
caps
Butch wax
Dart guns with rubber-tipped darts
Tin-can
telephones
Peashooters
Cork popguns
Roll of cap-gun caps
Howdy
Doody puppets
Beanie and Cecil dolls
Two-bladed ice skates that clip
onto shoes
Roller skates that clip onto shoes
Roller skate keys
S
& H green stamps, Blue Chip stamps and Plaid stamps
Metal
lunchboxes
Winky Dink kits for drawing on the TV screen
Crystal
radios
Console hi-fi's with 78's
45-rpm records
Hand-crank
wringers on tub washing machines
Slide rules
Levered metal ice
trays
Mimeograph paper
Carbon paper
Flash bulbs
Eight-track
tape decks
8mm Home movie cameras
Dick and Jane readers
Test
patterns
Polio vaccine on sugar cubes
"tiger tails" hanging out of
the gas tank
"church keys" to open drink cans
Dr Pepper bottles with
"10, 2, and 4"
getting to watch "The Wizard of Oz" once a year
our
radios were AM only
all TV's were black and white
speaking of TV's -
"rabbit ears" with aluminum foil,3 TV stations, plus PBS
patent-leather
shoes for church, shined with Vaseline
Dad taking the station wagon in
to have seat belts installed
love beads
hot pants
shag
carpet
a new service that included "Dial 1, plus the area code"
zip
codes to ensure faster delivery
mom defrosting the freezer with an
icepick, dishpan, and a mop
Redi Kilowatt commercials
Chatty Kathy
dolls
reel-to-reel tapes and players
going to Grandma's meant using
a chamber pot (the adults used the outhouse), bathing in a #2 washtub,
watching her cook on a wooden stove and doing dishes in a wooden
sink
school milk came in a triangular-shaped carton
and, not so
funny that it's gone, we said a prayer of thanks before lunch at PUBLIC
SCHOOL
Last but not least.........Consider this
The people who
are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980. They
have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era and did not know he had
ever been shot. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was
waged. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great
Depression. There has only been one Pope.
They can only really
remember one president. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and
do not remember the Cold War. They have never feared a nuclear war. "The
Day After" is a pill to them, not a movie. CCCP is just a bunch of
letters. They have only known one Germany. They are too young to remember
the Space shuttle blowing up, and Tienamin Square means nothing to them.
They do not know who Momar Qadafi is.
Their lifetime has always
included AIDS. They never had a Polio shot and likely do not know what it
is. Bottle caps have not only always been screw off, but have always been
plastic. They have no idea what a pull top can looks like. Atari pre-dates
them, as do vinyl albums. The expression "you sound like a broken record"
means nothing to them. They have never owned a record Player. They have
likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong. Star Wars looks
very fake, and the special effects are pathetic. There have always been
red M&M's, and blue ones are not new. What do you mean there used to
be beige ones?
They may have heard of an 8-track, but chances are they
probably have never actually seen or heard one. The Compact Disc was
introduced when they were 1 year old. As far as they know, stamps have
always cost about 32 cents.
Zip codes have always had a dash in them.
They have always had an answering machine. Most have never seen a TV set
with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV. They have
always had cable. There have always been VCR's, but they have no idea what
Beta is. They cannot fathom not having a remote control. They were born
the year that Walkman were introduced by Sony. Roller- skating has always
meant inline for them. They have never heard of King Cola, Burger Chef,
The Globe Democrat, Pan AM or Ozark Airlines. The Tonight Show has always
been hosted by Jay Leno. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were
cool. Popcorn has always been cooked in a microwave.
They have never
seen and remember a game that included the St. Louis Football Cardinals,
the Baltimore Colts, the Minnesota North Stars, the Kansas City Kings, the
New Orleans Jazz, the Minnesota Lakers, the Atlanta Flames, or the Denver
Rockies (NHL hockey, that is). They do not consider the Colorado Rockies,
the Florida Marlins, the Florida Panthers, the Ottawa Senators, the San
Jose Sharks, or the Tampa Bay Lightning "expansion teams." They have never
seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a football player. They
never took a swim and thought about Jaws. The Vietnam War is as ancient
history to them as WWI, WWII or even the Civil War. They have no idea that
Americans were ever held hostage in Iran. They can't imagine what hard
contact lenses are. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard the terms "Where's the beef?", "I'd Walk a mile for
Camel", or "de plane, de plane!". They do not care who shot J.R. and have
no idea who J.R. is. The Cosby Show, The Facts of Life, Silver Spoons, The
Love Boat, Miami Vice, WKRP in Cincinnati, and Taxi are shows they have
likely never seen.
The Titanic was found? I didn't know it was lost.
They cannot remember the Cardinals ever winning a World Series, or even
being in one. Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America and Alabama are places, not
groups. McDonalds never came in Styrofoam containers.
Do you feel old
now? Remember, the people who don't know these things will be in college
this year.
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