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Mottos To Live By
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence
that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of
thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just
after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite
criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in
full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body
is required on it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the
softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to
steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to
rise above your principles.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no
lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll
have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad
memory.
Change is inevitable....except from vending
machines.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a
couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my
hands....
Everybody repeat after me....."We are all
individuals."
Death to all fanatics!
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real
eye-opener.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman
scorned.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of
checks.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off
now.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet
engines.
Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it
back.
Beware of geeks bearing gifts.
Half the people you know are below average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the
spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other
parts feel so good.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving
definitely isn't for you.
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