June 2003

Click here to go to my main journal page.

You are visitor number
Counter
since March 3, 2002.

All-time high weight: 260.5 lb Current weight: 239.5 lb Goal weight: 115 lb

June 20, 2003

Well, I had one good day in a row this week! I have been gearing up slowly. I am only down one more pound since I wrote last, but down is a big improvement over the up I've seen over the last few months.

Yesterday I brought to work a pitcher with a built in filter (those things are great, BTW), so my plan is to drink, drink, drink water today. Really, I like drinking water but I have to make it very easy for myself. I think part of my problem has been I've been drinking far too many sodas recently. I know that isn't good for me.

Last night I tried on a few things at a local department store and got thoroughly disgusted with myself. Not that I can't find things to wear, but they look horrible. Even worse, my legs are just awful. I guess it is good from a heart attack perspective that I carry a lot of weight in my hips and thighs, but it really limits what I can wear. I can't tell you how many times I've looked at pictures of really obese people and thought, "Well, at least I don't look that bad." For some reason last night I had an epiphany and realized, "Yes, I do." I really think my legs look worse now than they did at my heaviest weight. I can't really explain that.

At any rate, I think I've truly reached the bottom. I can either do something about this or give up. This week I am resolved. Check back for an update.

June 10, 2003

I got an email today from someone wondering what had happened to my weight loss journal. That has prompted me to provide an update. Perhaps I can get all excited about the journey again.

First, to catch you up. Last year I lost about 40 lbs. I looked good (although I still had 100 lb to lose) and I felt great. Somehow, suddenly, I fell right off the wagon in December and it has taken me until June to get back on track again. I ended up gaining back about half the weight I lost. There were a number of explanations for this, but what it boils down to is that I ate more and exercised less instead of the other way around. The worst problem I've had in recent months is that I have developed terrible arthritis in my left knee that has made it extremely difficult to exercise. I finally went to the doctor early in the spring because my knee was hurting so much I couldn't sleep. I really felt like I was well on my way to being crippled by the pain. She gave me a prescription for Bextra, which has helped quite a lot. I also went through six weeks of physical therapy, largely focused on learning to do knee-strengthening exercises. Although I feel like my knee is much better, it is still quite painful. I am afraid to push very hard. I am still doing the strength exercises, but I have yet to get back into an aerobic routine. I did buy a new bathing suit last week, so perhaps I'll make it to the pool sometime.

My work has been extremely stressful in recent months, and my response has been to go out to lunch almost every day. I think I could still lose with that if I would focus on eating very small meals in the evenings, but I really haven't been too successful with that. Also, I've given myself way too many treats. I should know I have no willpower and I can't have things like half-gallon containers of Breyer's ice cream in my freezer.

I still am a member of WW Online although I haven't been taking advantage of the site. Over the past few weeks I'm down 5 lb, mostly through eliminating ice cream (not Skinny Cows or Fat Free Fudgsicles!) and restricting myself to one main meal and two light meals a day. This week I am going to focus on drinking water and on cutting down on sweet snacks.

So I am back. The good news is I didn't gain back everything I'd lost and then some. That has been my pattern in the past. I'll try to stay in better touch.

Email: rwelfare@mindspring.com