January/February Journal

Month at a glance
So far this month I've lost ? lbs., for a total loss of ? lbs.

February 9
No need to start a new journal for February. I've not written in this one enough to wear it out yet! I haven't weighed myself in God knows how long, and I don't intend to until things calm down.

I've been having a difficult time since the beginning of the year. I'm not sure exactly what's going on, but I'm finding myself pretty down. I think Valentine's Day is one of the hardest holidays of the year for a divorced or single person. Everywhere you look are hearts and flowers and couples. I know, I know. How I feel about myself shouldn't be dependent on whether I have a romance. I can't help how I feel, though, and I feel lonely.

Of course, this is compounded by the fact that I'm swamped at work getting ready for a statewide conference in March, and I'm having some short-term but aggravating financial difficulties. Things will settle down eventually. Let's hope I can still fit into my clothes when it happens.

January 24
Well, I'm frustrated again this week. My enthusiasms don't last very long. I still like DietWatch a lot, but I just don't have time at work to use it. Right now I'm so rung out I just want to get away from my desk at lunch time, and I can't come in early or stay late because of some other obligations. I'm talking about getting a new computer at home. Until that happens, I'm stuck. The one I'm using now is too rinky-dink. It is even difficult for me to work on my page from this computer.

On a positive note, at least I'm staying even. I planned to go to the doctor about my foot on MLK's birthday, which I had off work. But we ended up with a snow storm and I was reluctant to go out unnecessarily. It also didn't hurt that day. If I stay off of it, it's fine. It's just when I do something foolish like walk that it causes problems.

January 16
I have done a good job of keeping track of my food this week with DietWatch, but the results are depressing. The pattern is pretty consistent. In general, I do ok during the day (today was an exception to this -- I ate fried shrimp), but I completely lose it at night. I have got to figure out how to stick to the rule of not eating after 8 p.m. Last night I had popcorn (which is ok if you plan for it, except I had too much), a little Sweet Rewards candy bar, and several chocolate chip cookies. I drank all my water Wednesday, but I didn't do well yesterday or today.

I'm fixing lunch for my mother and my brother and his family tomorrow. My mother suggested something that we all love, but which is extremely high in calories and fat. I'm going to have to think about it and see if I can come up with something else.

January 14
Wow! What an eye opener! I kept really close track of my food yesterday and keyed it all into DietWatch. My goal is 1,838 calories a day and I had more than 2,450 yesterday. Ouch! The worst part is that 580 calories were after 8 p.m., at which time I am supposed to stop eating. If I'd kept to my plan, I'd be in great shape.

I was under the recommendation for cholesterol and fiber but over for carbohydrate (107%), saturated fat (131%), total fat (127%), and protein (193%). My sodium was at 206% of the recommendation. Can you say "water retention"?

January 13
I downloaded DietWatch and set it up today. The URL is http://www.softwatch.com/dietwatch/welcome/welcome.html. What a great program. I hope I can keep it -- hard drive space and memory are both at a premium on my machine.

January 12 -- 224 lbs
I'm calling today my official weigh-in. I restarted my eating plan on Saturday. I did pretty well, too, considering my family came to eat and my mother brought homemade apple pie and pumpkin pie. I have decided to try it on my own a bit longer. I have modified the old Weight Watchers plan that counted exchanges and think I have some up with something I can work with -- particularly since I'm allowing myself a treat a day and Chinese food once a week. (I'm sure I'll have to tighten up down the road, but right now I've got so much to lose I can be generous.) I'm aiming for 1800 calories. I've found in the past that if I try to go below that I cheat too much.

I'll try to formalize this some as I go along.

January 8
I feel so bad. I've had several messages lately from people who read my journal asking for ideas and support. I had a small computer glitch (ok, operator error, I admit it) and I lost all the messages and addresses before I had a chance to respond. If you have written me and I didn't write back, please write again. Don't give up! We can do it!

January 5 -- 224 lbs
Here are my major accomplishments in 1997:

I lost 24 pounds.
For a brief time this fall, until I suffered an injury, I made exercise a regular part of my schedule.
My son has been diagnosed with a learning disability and we are FINALLY making progress in dealing with his difficulties.
I had a successful year at work.
I made an effort to be more outgoing in my personal life.
I made substantial progress in my efforts to get more organized.

Here are my resolutions for 1998:

Lose 40 more pounds. Find a program that I can live with, begin following it by at least January 10, and STICK TO IT.
Resume a regular exercise program (eventually at least 30 minutes three times a week, but I'll start with at least 15 minutes three times a week).
Continue efforts to get more organized by tackling at least one job a week.
Take more concern with my appearance. Wear makeup to work and church. Get my hair styled regularly. Don't bite my nails.
Begin saving for retirement.
Continue to try to be more outgoing.
Try to improve my relationship with my son.
Take better care of myself. Take vitamins. Find a regular time to write. Get enough sleep.

Email: rwelfare@mindspring.com

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