Summer 1999

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since June 4, 1999.

Starting weight: 248.5 lb Current weight: ????? lb Goal weight: 119 lb

September 26, 1999

I don't have an official weight right now, but I imagine it once again is absolutely the most I've ever weighed. I have pretty much just given up over the last few months. I've gone to the Y only sporadically and not watched what I eat at all. Where has my motivation gone? How can I get it back?

Lots of personal crises, too. Particularly with my son. He's still in school, but he is not doing much work. He knows if he drops out, he'll have to find a job. Staying in school is a way to be able to continue to spend his days socializing. He is also involved in some other things his dad and I are very unhappy about. He is at the age where discipline is very difficult. We can tell him he's grounded, but we can't follow him around 24 hours a day and keep him from going off with his friends. I hope this is just typical teenager rebellion. I guess we won't know for sure until it is too late.

Finally, I got back into my journal! I've been trying unsuccessfully to get in ever since Geocities and Yahoo merged. I noticed several other people with Geocities accounts hadn't updated, so I guess it was just a wrinkle in the reorganization. At least it appears to be ok now.

Things are going slightly better with Zack (at least it's summer right now and I don't have to worry about school). He did somehow manage to squeak through and pass everything. He told his dad the other day that he's decided to stay at the same school next year and just goof around all year and then do all his work at the end again. I DON'T THINK SO!!!

Dietwise this is a disaster. I haven't been to the Y regularly in over a month and I've been eating whatever I want. I've put back on all the weight I lost when I started exercising -- and then some. I think I'm going to join the online weight loss program I did a couple of years ago. That's the most successful I've been lately.

Well, as you might have guessed I fell off the wagon again. The last month has been absolutely horrible and my eating and exercise reflects it. I am so worried about my son that I can hardly focus on anything else -- not diet and exercise, not housekeeping, not regular work.

Yes, the problem is school. He has just given up. I'm sure it is a combination of a lot of things, but the bottom line is he doesn't care about school, he has never cared about school, and he has quit pretending to care about school. He hasn't completed work, hasn't turned in those things he has completed, hasn't cracked a book getting ready for final exams, and has skipped makeup exams that people are bending over backwards providing for him. Will he pass enough classes to get credit for 10th grade? I won't know until sometime next week, but I seriously doubt it.

Along with all that, he got in trouble for something he didn't think was his fault (because of course nothing is ever his fault) and he called the principal "f***ing stupid." I told him his assessment may or may not be true (we've had our problems with the school and its inadequate handling of his educational needs), but it was pretty f***ing stupid to say it to the principal in front of a bunch of other students. He ended up suspended for three days and missed major activities in the two classes he actually still enjoyed. So now he doesn't care about them either. AAAUUUGGGGHHH!!!

So that's what's been going on in my life for the last six weeks. I don't even want to think about the scale.

Email: rwelfare@mindspring.com

Copyright (c) 1999, Rhonda M. Welfare
Revised -- 9/26/99
URL: http://geocities.datacellar.net/HotSprings/Spa/2171