TIME TO STOP DRIVING

It was obvious to everyone except Michael that the time had come for him to cease driving. It was reinforced to me one Sunday when we almost ended up on the kerb when Mike was moving into the left lane. He also began to take a long time to check that it was safe to drive across roundabouts,and so often, as he was approaching an intersection where he intended to turn right he would slow down to 30k a good 100m before the intersection. I thank the patience of the drivers behind us and the fact that they never tooted at us.

Of course Mike didn’t want to stop driving.  It was his independence; his opportunity to fill in time and drive somewhere and of course giving up driving was another reinforcement of the progress of Huntington’s Disease.

We both knew this day was coming.  We had talked about it in the past but it was always ‘when you give up driving …’ somewhere in the future. The future is NOW.

So the arguments started - “I’m fine driving” “No you’re not, someone will get hurt”. This went on for a couple of months. I would come home from work and find the car (and Mike) missing. At one point I thought “let him go, it’s easier just to ignore the issue” but the thought of an accident or worse was too strong to let the issue lie.

I began by asking what his plans were the following day and being ready in the car at the time he wanted to drive. I found working part-time I was able to juggle my hours to suit both Mike’s and my own needs. The first few weeks Mike would say “I’m alright, I can drive” and I would respond “No you are not alright to drive, it is time to stop, that’s why I’m here”. It was hard going for the first few weeks, he would not accept the reality and he did not want me to be his driver. We continued like this for a few more weeks.

After two months I became aware that Mike wasn’t arguing any more.   He would get into the car and let me drive. This was a relief.  I did reinforce the fact by saying how awful it would have been if he had continued to drive and a child had been injured or killed; he agreed with this. I also told him of some of his wobbly driving moments, which he was not aware of. He found it quite incredulous that over the past two years there were occasions when we were nervously gripping the seat as he did a very shaky lane change, drove at 30k in a built up area and other instances where his driving was ‘dodgy’ for a few seconds.

It is 18 months since Mike gave up driving. Once last year he did take the car for a short trip but that hasn’t happened since and he lets me know when he wants to be driven somewhere the following day.

From my perspective, it is such a relief that this issue has been completed. Whenever he used to get into the car I would be nervous until he returned. I don’t mind being the taxi driver and it is extra time to enjoy together!!