He Won’t Stop Driving

I’ve learnt a few things which assisted me in coping with living with my partner who had HD. I wanted to share with you how I coped with his inability to give up driving.  The cruellest thing for an ex-racing driver is to be told you are no longer legal on the road, and that you must give up your licence.
My partner only really broke down once with terrifying grief over HD:  it was the day the above happened.
    He had crashed our car and the insurers told him that he had to get a doctor’s opinion on his ability to drive.  Our neurologist judged his chorea as marginal for driving and recommended he stop.  We sought a second opinion and this neurologist agreed with the first but recommended that to really prove it he should take a test.
    The deterioration of his condition meant that my partner did not recognise the extent of his chorea and he was fixated on the fact that his driving was up to scratch.  Family and friends waited in trepidation for the test results. 

• First a computer test that showed areas of weakness.
• Then the road test. 
• Waiting in the hallway for the verdict was awful. 
• The negative result was devastating for my partner.

 For me, there was relief that I had not had to make the decision and that he would now have to accept what many had been concerned about.  Two weeks passed where he passively endured being a passenger, then one morning he demanded the keys.  The high level of inflexibility and stubbornness was at its greatest.  He would not listen to reason and the logic was ignored.  He had to drive.  I couldn’t stop him, neither could my friends.

 His independence was compromised – his full belief in his ability to drive did not falter.  We argued all the time.  I got angry; distressed, tried all tactics;  he kept driving.

 He would drive 50km back and forth to work.  I did not want to go to the police.  When I tried to talk to him I was the one in the wrong.  Then one day he was stopped by the police before he got into the car.   They had observed him swaying when he entered the car.  They kept the keys and I had to go and pick him and the car up.  He was calmly taking in a movie and was not phased at all by the episode.

 He then seemed to lose the fight and gave up driving long distances.  He still drove to the bus stop and I rang friends who would offer to drive him.  When I had done this before he had ignored it.  It could have been so much worse…..

Lessons

Do not try to use reason and logic – it will not work.  The cognitive ability in this area is often disrupted.
It is not your responsibility at the end of the day.   You cannot keep them locked up.
You need family and friend’s support to take the load off you.
You are not going mad.
Plan ahead.
Arrange a timetable of where you need to be and when.   Get friends teed up to support 
Have bus timetables and taxi chits.
In the end we purchased a 4-wheel mobility scooter.  You can also apply to Lotteries Board for a grant to purchase one.  That allowed him to have his independence and helped greatly.