When I first heard that I had Endometriosis, it was the most devastating thing I had ever heard. The fact that it was a disease that I would have to deal with for the rest of my reproductive years floored me! For weeks I cried, and sat alone in my apartment, staring out the window... just devastated, and wondering why me??? I was desperate for answers... I searched endlessly for every piece of information I could get my hands on about Endometriosis. I became a nuisance to my doctor (or, so I thought)... complaining about the pain, asking questions, looking for sympathy. Looking for anyone who might understand what I was going through. At that time in my life, I had no one to turn to, except my parents, who were equally devastated and worried. But they couldn't help me by sharing and understanding. It only got worse.

My doctor told me that my condition was so severe and deep in my pelvic cavity, and on my bladder, that he could not perform laser surgery to clean it up, as it would only have harmed me with the amount that needed to be removed. So, in my case, there was no choice of whether or not to go on Lupron. I needed it, and that's all that could've helped me at that point in time.

That was six years ago, before there was add-back included with Lupron... so, I suffered miserably with the side effects. I sank deep into depression, and soon my mental state was so bad, that I did not want to leave my house. I remember one night, late, when I was needing a bowl of cereal, but had no milk in the refrigerator. I was completely overwhelmed by the effort of climbing downstairs, and into the car, starting it, driving to the store, talking to the cashier, and driving home. It was a very traumatic experience for me. I am naturally a very out-going and happy individual. With Lupron, I was a shut-in, peeking out of the window shades at people on my doorstep, not wanting to talk to anyone. Not frightened of them, but overwhelmed at the thought of engaging in any sort of conversation... the thinking involved was just too much for me to handle on Lupron. Two years before I knew of my endometriosis, I had finally secured a place of my own, an apartment that I worked hard to keep, and to be independent. Lupron took that away from me.... unable to care for myself very well, I ended up moving in with one of my closest friends, which was very comforting to me... having another adult around to look after my best interests. (Although the loss of independence was tragic, after working so hard to maintain it.) I felt so helpless. After five months of treatment, I'd had enough, and refused my sixth, and final injection. Although I suffered miserably on Lupron, it allowed me great relief, although temporarily... once the side-effects of the medication wore off.

I didn't seek treatment again until a year and a half ago... the pain was so bad, that I almost lost my job. I either had to go home early, or stay home often. I would wake up in the morning, bloated, aching, and just plain sore. I remember a day, at work, when I was sitting for a long period of time, and was trying to get up out of my chair... the intense, stabbing pain that I felt kept me stuck in my chair, unable to stand up. Embarrassingly, my friend helped me up... and as I stood there, I could not move my legs to walk as it brought on the pain, also. Somehow, a few minutes later, this pain passed and I was able to walk to my car to go home! A week later, I had my second laparoscopy, and I was able to conceive. I conceived within a week of the surgery! It was an answer to our prayers... just one more baby! I gave birth to a healthy, baby girl. Now, I am six months post-partum, and the old, familiar pain is once again part of my life. I was allowed a good year without the pain of my Endo, and almost forgot about it... as it no longer took over my life as before! But, just recently, I have now missed two days of work, within two weeks of eachother, because of Endometriosis. Suddenly, today, I find myself facing the same decisions again!!! I do not wish to make Lupron an option... never again can I go through that.

That is my story... I wish I had had such a great network of support in the beginning of my Endo experience, like I have here, now.... in the beginning I was going-it alone. I hope now that I can help others by sharing my experiences, and just by being here and understanding!!!