A middle-aged man had an obsession with women's breasts.
So he went to a psychologist and told the doctor about his
problem.
"I am going to do word association,explained the doctor. "I
am going to say a word, and you will say the first thing that
come to your mind."
"Oranges," said the doctor.
"Breasts," replied the patient.
"Apples."
"Breasts."
"Watermelons."
"Breasts."
"Wipers."
"Breasts," said the patient with the same reply.
"Wait a minute! I can see the connections between oranges,
apples, watermelons and breasts. But automobile's wipers?
Where is the connection?" asked the doctor.
"Easy ... one on the left and one on the right!"
~~~~~~
There's this man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets
invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume
to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy
dress company to explain the problem. A few days later, he
receives a parcel with a note: "Dear Sir, please find enclosed
a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald
head, and with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a
pirate."
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just
emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude
letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another
parcel and a note which says: "Dear Sir, sorry about before,
please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover
your wooden leg, and with your bald head, you will really look
the part."
Now the man is really annoyed, since they have gone from
emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head,
and he writes the company a REALLY rude letter of
complaint.
The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which
reads; "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a jar of caramel. Pour
the jar of caramel over your bald head, stick your wooden leg
up your ass and go as a candied apple!"
~~~~~~
Stormy Day
----------
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an
old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain."
The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to
the director and said, "Tomorrow storm."
The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is
incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to
hire the Indian to predict the weather for the remaining of
the shoot. However, after several successful predictions,
the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big
scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on
you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said.
"My radio is broken."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Theory on Why Yawning Is Contagious:
You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums.
This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear
pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.
What do you think?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A worried father telephoned his family doctor and said that he
was afraid that his teenaged son had come down with V.D.
"He says he hasn't had sex with anyone but the maid, so it
has to be her."
"Don't worry so much," advised the doctor. "These things
happen."
"I know, doctor," said the father, "but I have to admit that I've
been sleeping with the maid also. I seem to have the same
symptoms."
"That's unfortunate."
"Not only that, I think I've passed it to my wife."
"Oh God," said the doc, "That means we all have it."
~~~~~~
The Visit To The Doctor
------------------------
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to
be a hundred.
The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"
"No," he replied, "I've never done either."
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around
with women?" inquired the doctor.
"No, I've never done any of those things either."
"Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to
live to be a hundred for?"