What are mutterings? Mutterings are whatever thoughts, ideas, opinions, crazy notions and humourous banter that bubbles to the surface of the CSS consciousness. We'll use this space to publish short essays, quick bits of information, jokes, columns and anecdotes of our members. If you'd like to contribute, please contact Dave at the e-mail address given on the home page. Remember, mutterings rhymes with stuttering and that's what we're all about! Upcoming Stuttering Events...
Not a dern thing that we know of. If you'd like to post an important upcoming stuttering event, please e-mail me!
An Article by Melanie Amin
Co-facilitator Melanie Amin wrote the following article in the summer of 2001 for her job at Evanston's free weekly newspaper, The Evanston Express. It discusses this summer's madly successful Friends convention for kids who stutter. Feel free to e-mail Melanie your thoughts at: melsonic@earthlink.net.
Friends Convention Comes to Chicago
Children scurry around a Holidome, playing ball, scarfing down junk food and jumping in the pool. Sounds like the typical family vacation. But these particular families are mixing fun with a mission. They have gathered from across the country to attend the fourth annual convention of Friends, the Association of Young People who Stutter, held July 26-28 in Rolling Meadows. A three-day event offering stuttering-related workshops for kids, teens and their parents, the national convention is the meeting place for an organization committed to advocating for children who stutter.
Lee Caggiano, a speech-language pathologist with a son who stutters, co-founded Friends with John Ahlbach after seeing the “difference that involvement and support could provide for a kid.” “I decided it would be a wonderful idea to be able to provide an organization based solely on providing support for kids who stutter and their families,” says Caggiano of the motivation to form Friends. The group runs a Web site (www.friendswhostutter.org), publishes a newsletter and holds its annual convention to connect with children who stutter and their parents.
Unbuilding a Mystery
“We know that parents don’t cause stuttering,” says Bill Murphy, a keynote speaker at the convention. As a person who stutters and a speech-language pathologist at Purdue University, Murphy has devoted 25 years to working with stuttering. Murphy describes a personal childhood filled with fear of the future and isolation, and he wishes he could have had an organization like Friends as a child to take away some of the stigma from his speech.
“All the things I did to hide my stuttering made my stuttering worse,” says Murphy of the importance of being open with others about stuttering and not keeping it secret. “We need to learn to discuss stuttering in socially acceptable ways that educate others.” Murphy believes that parents and children who stutter can learn how to be more open about stuttering to reduce the shame and fear that can intensify it.
“By taking some of the mystery out of stuttering for everyone, you can cut down a lot on bullying,” agrees Connie Dugan, a speech-language pathologist at the University of Illinois at Chicago who treats children and adult stutterers in her private practice. Dugan emphasizes the importance of speech-language pathologists helping children transfer their speech skills into real life situations such as school and peer interactions. Strategies such as role-playing and building assertive communication techniques can help move progress out of the therapy room.
“I think the most important thing for kids of any age is to keep them saying what they want to say,” Dugan adds. “And not worrying about if it comes out with the bumps or stretches they don’t want in it. The message is more important than the fluency.”
Eddies of the World, Unite!
“I’ve decided that I’m tired of having hard speech,” says Eddie Samp, 11, who has traveled with his parents from Wayland, Mass., to attend his third Friends convention. Samp has been using the convention as an opportunity to practice his “easy speech,” which he describes as tools that help him prolong his blocked speech by stretching it out to reduce vocal struggles. “Once you decide to use it, it’s really not hard at all. It’s just all in the attitude, the confidence and the courage.”
And Eddie has plenty of confidence. During the course of the convention, he sold raffle tickets for the live auction fund-raiser with the ease of a sales pro and rapped out dance tunes with a karaoke machine during the closing ceremony. “They can know that they’re not the only ones who stutter,” says Samp, describing the benefits that children like him can find at Friends.
Everybody Wins
Caggiano believes that Friends’ focus on supporting parents with their fears about their children’s speech is critical. “Guilt can prevent parents from doing what they need to do,” says Caggiano of the importance of parents managing their own feelings about their child’s speech. Many parents feel helpless and have difficulty accessing the specialized help their children need, which involves finding a speech-language pathologist who has experience working with stuttering.
What’s the first step? “Listen to your children,” Caggiano says. “Become as educated as you can about stuttering. The more a parent knows, the more able they are to provide support for their children.” The CSS in 2002
In 2002, the CSS was busy with lively meetings, new members and a summer karaoke outing that was a real star maker. Don't believe me? Read on.
January 13 — CSS Annual "Start Off the Year Right" Potluck. The food was great, the beverages did indeed flow like the mighty Mississippi and the crowd was far beyond shabby. Our annual potluck was a joyous affair, which included many CSSers as well as spouses and even a couple moms!
January 23 — Annual first-meeting-of-the-year open mic.
Our kickoff meeting of 2002 was among our strongest ever! We had a great turnout, which included two new members. For the first half of the meeting we chatted amicably and caught up on what's going on in our respective lives. In the second half, we turned to our trusty LifeStories cards and enjoyed some fascinating forays into public speaking. Topics included political unrest in central Asia, the important link between golf and beer, and the peculiar circumstances behind my best friend's marriage. You can't find stuff like this on CNN, folks.
February 27 — Stuttering and Wellness. We enjoyed a warm turnout on a wintry February night for this meeting. Members shared stories from their lives on how they've managed to live their lives while also managing their stuttering.
March 27 — Feared Words. Our spring meetings usually mean two things: warmer weather (yeah, right) and speech-pathology grad students! We welcomed three to this meetings as well as a bevy of familar CSS faces and some new members. After our usual check-in, we broke out into small groups to discuss feared words and experiences. Then we reassembled for a lively discussion on, among other things, the links between psychology and stuttering. All in all, a fearless meeting!
April 24 — Collage and Cake Night. Despite the rainy weather, our 10-year anniversary meeting was a joyous occasion. Connie led us through two wonderous exercises that made us not only think about ourselves, but also about ways to help each other. Then we broke out a delicious chocolate cake and had at it.
May 22 — Social Support and Your Speech. Our last official meeting until September was a good one. A sizeable group of CSS faithful turned out for a lively discussion about the people who have made a difference in our lives.
July 10 — KARAOKE MADNESS!!! We met at the Hidden Cove Karaoke Bar for our first ever karaoke get-together. Don performed his well-received Frank Sinatra tribute, proving his star quality to the small, but enthusiastic, audience. And Primo knocked us out with his powerful voice, hinting at a possible career switch from community organizer to balladeer (just kidding, Primo; keep singing -- but stick with the organizing, the city needs you!). Connie also revealed herself to have a wonderful country croon, while Dave and Melanie wowed the crowd with their duet on the obscure rock classic “Jackie Blue” by the Ozark Mountain Daredevils.
September 25 — Stuttering and the Workplace. Webmaster Dave lead a discussion on the many challenges of stuttering on the job and ways to cope better with it. In particular, the meeting delved into the question of "disclosure," whether to openly discuss your stuttering at work. We also welcomed a new member into the fold — always a plus!
October 23 — Are You Aware? Originally, Connie had planned to lead a program on assertiveness. But seeing as how the day before the meeting was International Stuttering Awareness Day, she decided to call an audible and change the meeting's focus to our awareness of stuttering. We each took a stuttering awareness test that Connie had been giving to UIC students. Then we discussed our answers and the feelings that the test brought up. Fascinating stuff!
December 6 — Annual Holiday Dinner Don Smetzer organized another festive holiday gathering at Ann Sather’s in Lakeview. It was well attended and well enjoyed. The CSS in 2001
Here's what happened with the CSS during 2001. Please partake in the experience this year!
January 24 — CSS Open Mike. Our first meeting of 2001 was, in a word, energizing. We welcomed two new members and enjoyed the company of a healthy contingent of CSS regulars. What did we do? Well, we talked. Our usually brief "check in" period lasted a healthy hour and a half, during which we all got a chance to talk about ourselves and our speech. For the last half hour, we passed around the always inspirational LifeStories cards and ad libbed wonderfully humourous speeches. This meeting was a great way to start the new year!
February 28 — Mood and Stuttering. What are the Links? We enjoyed a great turnout to our February meeting, which included three speech pathology students from St. Xavier College. (Actually four, including our own Jimmy Z.) After our traditional check-in and warm-up, attendees broke out into discussion groups. We responded to worksheets that prompted us with questions such as "When I'm angry, my stuttering..." People's answers -- as well as the other conversations these questions inspired -- were fascinating. At meeting's end, we opened the floor to our visiting students, who we hope learned some key insights into stuttering. When it comes to great meetings, we're two for two this year. Let's keep it up!
March 28 — Communication During Conflict. Although we only partly planned it this way, our March meeting centered on confrontation. During check-in, one member told us of recent problems he'd been experiencing at his job. His unfortunate though important story dovetailed nicely into Connie's program, which provided us with a mnemonic device for remembering how to gracefully and positively handle confrontations. I know I'll never look at my hand the same way again. (Ya had to be there. If you weren't, see "Mneumonic" above for a written example.)
April 25 — Stuttering in the Workplace. Using a pamphlet produced by the Stuttering Foundation of America, we discussed members' fears and ways of coping while at work. We learned that being open is important, but none of us should feel pressured to reveal more than what we're comfortable with. The wide variety of occupations among CSS members demonstrates that people who stutter can enter any professional field they choose.
May 23 — Public Reactions to Stuttering. Our last meeting before the summer break was a relaxed affair. Member shared some of their personal stuttering stories. We also brainstormed about future meeting topics and group plans.
September 26 — If There's One Thing I Could Tell a Kid Who Stutters... Our first meeting back from summer went quite well. First, about 10 of us managed to find our way to our new location. The atmoshphere is casual yet inspiring. Instead of Ravenswood's stuffy classrooms, our new space is a large open room that serves as both office space and gathering place. We sat in a circle on a variety of comfortable couches and chairs, surrounded by a seemingly endless variety of posters, pamphlets and flyers. Oh, and the meeting? It went great. We all told of our summer activities and then moved on to our topic -- children, childhood and stuttering.
October 24 — CSS Game Night. Prizes, Fun and More! This meeting featured an interactive game night, which encouraged members to examine the roles they play in groups. Members worked together to construct a giant bridge. Later, Melanie impatiently destroyed the bridge, much to many members relief. Connie summed things up nicely, leaving us all with an important lesson to remember.
December 5 — CSS Annual Holiday Dinner. Our very own Don Smetzer organized another fabulous holiday get-together at the Ann Sather’s restaurant in Lakeview. We ate hearty Swedish fare, drank holiday spirits of one sort or another, and partied hard -- never a problem for this merry bunch. We also welcomed a couple new members to the group. 2001 New Year's Resolutions
Every year we ask CSS members to state some of their resolutions for 2001. Here are some serious and some not-so-serious ambitions of our forward-thinking constituency.
“I would like to be a lean mean fighting machine with slick, fluent speech that will make me rich and famous! However, I will resolve to answer my e-mails sooner.” — Don Smetzer
“My resolutions are: 1) To try to speak up a bit when I have an opinion, and 2) To be extra compassionate toward others in order to complement all the compassion we’re scheduled to have from the new government.” — Connie Dugan
“To take extra good care of myself by working out and not stressing out about trivial stuff. Also to up my intake of sugary confections.” — Melanie Amin
“I will make progress keeping up with my housework in 2001.” — Betsy Uzzell
“ I will 1) Reduce my daily online time to 25 hours, 2) Complete my collection of Speed Racer Videos, 3) Send in my Publisher's Clearing House Entry, 4) Leave home without my American Express Card, and 5) Finish assembling that time machine from ACME Scientific.” — Ed Whitfield
“ Beginning at number five ... 5) Create an enormous objet d'art out of the lawn chairs, milk crates and other detritus that my neighbors use to reserve their parking spaces, 4) Use the words "objet d'art" and "detritus" whenever
possible, 3) Play my guitar just like a-ringin' a bell, 2) Update the CSS Web page more regularly, ... and, last but not least ... 1) Become comfortable enough with my stuttering to take it, but not so comfortable that I take it for granted.” — Dave Miller
“I resolve to: 1) Exercise and sweat at least three times per week, 2) Think in terms of alternatives at all times, and 3) Make better choices.” — Ron Brown We Know What You Did This Summer 2001 ...
(Um, actually we don’t. Could you please tell us?)
“I wish I did something interesting this summer, but unfortunately I took classes full time and worked as a resident assistant in a dormitory. Not too exciting, but at least I'm closer to my degree.” — Nathan Hydes
“I've joined the choir at St. Ben's church. It doesn't sound very exciting, but it’s a lot of fun and I like singing. And of course, I don't stutter when I sing! Also, it beats doing karaoke.” — Mary Close
“My most interesting and rewarding experience this summer was the Friends Convention, which included some wonderful volunteer work by several CSS members. My next-most was volunteering as a group leader at Howard Brown Health Center with a group of male to female transsexual clients. We worked on "feminine" communication style and voice. They were a loyal and merry band, and I learned a lot about being authentic and living fully in spite of stigma.” — Connie Dugan
“Finally, after knowing that I was going to have to move for four or five years, the time has come. I have gone through so many different ideas — relocating, moving into the city, staying in the Oak Park area — and then, having gotten a ‘permanent’ job at the end of April swayed me to move closer to where I am working (Homewood), so I bought a townhouse in Oak Lawn, and will be moving into it the day after Labor Day.” — Richard Stein
“At the end of May, I went to Alaska for two weeks and took an Alaskan Railroad trip from Seward to Fairbanks. The highlight of that trip was doing a fly over using a sea plane and a private pilot of the Harding Ice Field on the Kenai Peninsula. I rode in the back of the plane and did photography. The ice field is a mile deep and 28 miles wide and 30 miles long. It was awesome!” — Judith Eckardt
“Swimming at the beach near Union Pier, Mich. It was cold, but calm. Also, visiting my brother and his family and celebrating my nephew's fifth birthday. Last, but not least, making trips to Krispy Kreme for donuts and to Oberweis for ice cream.” — Melanie Amin
“Hiding in a psychic’s tent at Summerfest in Milwaukee while God’s wrath literally poured down on the hapless rock ‘n’ roll crowd. Finding a ‘hidden beach’ in Union Pier, Mich. And attending the Friends convention, where I learned not only about the wonderful, important work that group does but also that a DJ actually has the right to commandeer his karaoke machine and make us watch him sing lame country songs!” — Dave Miller
"Figuring out what to do with my so called $300 tax rebate. Should I send it back, it is taxable income, so I will be taxed on my tax rebate next year. Hmmm... The softness of the Canadian dollar means greenbacks go very far in Canada these days. Hmmmm. Maybe I could service my car.... 201,000 miles. Hmmm... I could buy something at Best Buy and artifically inflate the GNP.
Hmmm... Maybe setup a rainy day fund..... its been raining for the last 4
months...Hmmm....What did you do with YOUR tax check?" — Ed Whitfield The CSS in 2000
Here's what happened with the CSS during 2000. Sounds like fun, eh?
January 16 — CSS Winter Pot Luck. Connie's pot luck has attained legendary status among CSSers. Not only because of the great food, but because of her home's warm atmosphere and the guarantee that you'll see a few new faces and plenty of CSS members past and present. This year was no different. We had an excellent turnout and a great time. We even raised some money for John Albach's Friends group for children who stutter.
January 26 — First Meeting of the Century. For our first meeting of 2000, we used LifeStories cards to share thoughts and ideas on a variety of stuttering-related topics. We welcomed one new member as well as many other familar faces.
February 23 — NSA Convention Meeting. In February, we welcomed NSA bigwig Jim McClure, who gave an informative presentation about the upcoming NSA convention in Chicago. (For registration info, see our Mutterings page.) Jim showed us a videotape of highlights from last year's Seattle convention, too. We all enjoyed hearing about this exciting and momentous event.
March 23 — Movie Night. Four dedicated CSSers showed up to watch Danny and the Scatman — a movie 12-year-old Danny produced and in which he interviews the late, great Scatman John Larson. The film lead to a lively discussion about how we let others' reactions affect how we communicate. Two members arranged to be phone pals and encourage each other almost daily.
April 27 — Personal Rights. Two new members and several regulars attended April's meeting. Connie brought her magic bag of games and prizes, and we played with the intention of exploring our knowledge and beliefs about our personal rights as people and stutterers. Emotions ran high, comments ran smart and everyone left with something with which to remember the meeting.
May 24 — Stuttering Therapy: What Works for Me? We had a great last meeting before summer break. Hemang Shah, a 20-year-old man who is currently working on his speech, talked about his progress and how he achieved it. Other participants contributed thoughts about what had helped them in managing their stuttering. Key points included: fear busting measures — such as voluntary stuttering and trying things that are a bit scary, practicing some motor techniques every day, relaxation and meditation, focusing on the message, and the ever important eye contact-eye contact-eye contact. We also learned that Garth is beginning training for an October marathon. Good luck Garth!
September 27 — Stuttering Therapy Smorgasbord. Our first Fall meeting featured a mature, insightful discussion...and a hackey sack. Connie had us tossing the sack at a variety of stuttering terms strewn across the meeting room floor. Then we waxed philosophical on our various stuttering therapy experiences. And of course, like all great conversations, we veered off on tangents that reaffirmed why we'd all shown up in the first place. One new member as well as several returning members took part in the fun.
October 25 — Video Discussion. Eight of us, including two new members, watched the Stuttering Foundation of American videotape "If You Stutter: Advice for Adults." After about a half hour of the tape, we stopped it and discussed our respective feelings and experiences about therapy.
December 6 - Holiday Dinner. We boasted a fantastic turnout for our annual holiday dinner in December. We gathered at the always gloriously decked-out Ann Sather’s on Belmont. Attendees enjoyed some fabulous Swedish cuisine and lovely holiday cheer.
Mnemonic — Copyright 2000 by Connie Dugan
Here's a handy way to make your next confrontation a positive, productive experience. Place your hand, fingers spread, on a flat surface. Now assign each of the following five letters and actions to your fingers:
Thumb: This is the Title of the person (e.g., Mom, Jack, Dr. Jones) to whom you're speaking.
Fore finger: This is the Feeling (e.g., anger, sadness, frustration) you experience during the bad situation involving the person whom you're confronting.
Middle finger: This is your Motivation — the bad situation (e.g., "You tell offensive jokes, criticize my clothes, mimic my stuttering...") involving the person whom you're confronting.
Ring finger: This is the Response (i.e., "I'd like you to...") you wish this person to use in the future.
Pinky: This is the Positive outcome that you can offer/expect if the person changes their behavior.
For example: Mr. Roberts, I feel angry when you interrupt me and finish my sentences. I'd like you to let me finish what I need to say before speak. By doing so, I won't feel angry and you'll better understand me.
