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The problem
You are a boy (or man) that is lonely. Maybe you never got a girlfriend... and so never had sex, in your whole life. Or maybe you had a girlfriend but the relationship never became close enough to have sex before it ended.
Probably you are shy... and finding a girlfriend is hard for you, or you have given up.
But of course you have a desire inside you. It's a normal thing. You want to be together with a girl. You want to make love with her. But - you are alone and lonely. The longing for a girl changes, the more you are alone. It changes from the wish of having a person to love with emotions (and body), to a pure burning desire: to have sex.
Everywhere your sexual desire is charged. In advertisements, on TV, in magazines, in the Internet. And of course you want to satisfy this desire. Maybe you download pictures or look at certain magazines, but one thing you do for sure. Maybe it's hard to speak out the word: masturbating.
Are you addicted?
Maybe you have never thought about it. But maybe you are addicted to it. Do you remember when you have started with it? Maybe you are already doing it for many years. Maybe you are doing it every day. Maybe more than once a day.
Maybe you know already that you are addicted. Or don't you believe it? Then try not to do it for one week. Just one week. Soon you will see that your free will is not the only thing that's there. There's more. Suddenly IT jumps to your mind, and sooner or later you will not be able not to do it - you have to do it.
Then you are addicted.
Maybe I am addicted...
If you find that you can't resist doing it, probably you have the addiction. Now it's up to you, your mind and your soul, what you will do about it.
Maybe you don't mind it, maybe you even enjoy it. Maybe all the emotions you once had have already vanished. If you want it like this, if you really want it like this - I won't bother you. But please read this and see what you can do for other people.
But maybe you notice something about yourself now. Maybe you think it shouldn't be like this. Maybe you want to have back your free will. Maybe you feel it is dirty and don't want to do it. So what now?
I would like to tell you that I was addicted. I was addicted for over 10 years and did it almost every day. 7 of these 10 years I didn't think of it and didn't mind it. But finally it became clear to me that I am addicted. - After a long and hard fight, now I am clean. I would like to help you, to achieve the same.
I can tell you here why one shouldn't do it, and why I didn't want it any more.
If you want me to tell you what you can do to become clean, read here.
And here you can read what you can do for others.
Finally, here are links to sites with related topics.
Why "it" shouldn't be done
Maybe you are doing it, often, for a long time already. May be you are watching porno magazines or even porno movies or download pictures and videos from the Internet.
STOP! Yes, it's a great feeling when doing it, and when finally having an orgasm. It belongs to the greatest things one can experience. Why such a thing was "implemented" into the human body?
The first reason is quite obvious. The sexual desire we feel inside us is there to ensure the further existence of the human race. Like all animals have a kind of sexual desire to keep their own species alive, we have it, too. The longing for a girl, a woman, we can sleep with her, make love, have sex. This is why we have this desire inside us. But that's not all.
The second reason is what makes the difference between humans and many animals. It's our ability to feel love. Loving someone is a miracle. Being together with someone you love, and you are loved, too - it's great. When a boy and a girl, a man and a woman, are together and love each other, they are connected to each other on the emotional level. Their souls are united. Now, the sleeping together, having sex, is a great add-on to the real, the emotional love. It gives the possibility not only to unite with your souls, but also with your bodies.
When you masturbate, you destroy all this inside you. You abuse what was given to you. The greatest and most important aspects, like love, disappear. It's only about having an errection. And slowly the original sense of this all vanishes. You become a slave of your sexual desire.
And even worse, you may sink into the swamp of disgusting stuff. The net offers enough of it. In the beginning you just look at nice girls, but occasionally you will meet teenies or even childporn. Hardcore, rape, blowjobs and much more. Ideas are put into your mind, and more and more you won't think of a girl as a person to love, but as an object there to satisfy all the perverted desires which meanwhile are inside you. Maybe one day the desire is so strong that you will visit a prostitute, and sowith completely destroy your relationship to sex and love. Do you want to be like this?? Think of the soul harm you are doing to yourself, and eventually to others. It isn't good like this.
In the time I was still addicted, I met a girl. Yes, I really met a girl and chances were not low that a relationship between us could start. In the beginning, I was really self-confident, although usually I am quite shy. But I thought "I can't lose anything, but win a lot".
Since I knew her, I imagined it doing it with her when I masturbated. The possibility that this could become reality, that I really could have sex with her, aroused me even more. At the same time I got to know her a bit more and found that she has a good character and is worth being loved. But I could only think of one thing: "fucking" her. I was shocked about me thinking like this. That was the moment where I finally decided to fight against the addiction. No longer I wanted to be a slave of my sexual desire. I was afraid that I would sleep with her without really feeling love, and that maybe she loves and trusts me and I just abuse her. This would have been against everything I believe, I didn't want to be like that. So I tried to reduce doing "it", but for a long time I didn't succeed. My behaviour towards her became strange, I felt insecure and finally it ended between us. Now I knew that I probably never would get a girlfriend as long as I have the addiction. I could not think about girls in a normal way. I didn't want to look at them as sex-objects any more, I didn't want to fail again and again when trying to resist. So a fierce fight begun, and finally I became clean. After more than 10 years of being addicted, I am now clean for a long time.
How to get rid of the addiction, how to become clean?
Ok. You want to stop with it, no longer masturbating, you want to have your free will back, control over what you are doing, no longer pleasing the addiction? Then read on and let me tell you about things that can help you to become clean. I of course cannot guarantee that you will make it - this only depends on you. But I am trying to help as good as I can.
If you ever want to have a chance to become clean, or at least reduce the burning desire inside you, the first thing you have to do is: Remove everything around you which can sexually arouse you. Posters of nice girls, pictures on your harddisk, porno magazines - everything you eventually have. Maybe you have already done this to begin with something, but you have to do it completely. Because when the addiction comes over you next time again, you will look at something of that stuff and it will weaken your ability to resist.
Next important thing is: source elimination. If you occasionally look into a porn magazine at your neighbour's place, don't visit him any more. If you get aroused by half-naked girls in TV magazines, unsubscribe. Eventually even disconnect from the Internet if you notice that you can't resist visiting certain sites again and again. Remember to delete all files in the browser cache aswell!
Of course you will never be able to completely avoid seeing something which arouses you and makes your thoughts going that certain way. TV commercials, advertising posters, or just nice girls in the street - they will always be there. But it is very important to reduce the sources from which your sexual desire gets charged. A certain amount of such a desire is normal and natural - but the world we live in totally overcharges it, turning many emotional characters into sex-desire-driven creatures.
Admit it to yourself
It is now important that you admit to yourself that you have the addiction. That you are addicted to masturbating. It must be clearly in your mind. It does not help if you push it back and don't try to think of it, because then it stays in the subconciousness only and it's much harder to fight against it then.
Keep a secret diary. Secret of course only for others, not for you. It should start with "How I managed to become clean". In it, every evening before you sleep you write down how the fight against the addiction was today. Put in all details, put in what you did, and when you failed, and why. This is very important. First it will help you to analyse in which situations the addiction comes over you. And second, it will remind you every evening that you have definetely decided to stop. That's crucial, because the addiction makes you forget about it easily. Believe me, I have experienced it myself.
Do NOT try to make something like a timetable for masturbating, which allows you less and less doing it. It won't help. Soon you would notice that -strange- it is much more pleasure to do it when before trying to resist it. If you do it very much intentionally, it will not please the desire as much as it does when the desire wants it from you. Simply, try not to do it at all any more.
Not to do it at all is important. Because only then you are really clean. Probably you will not manage to stop completely in the beginning - but at least try! It's an important training, and you will become stronger and stronger. When you fail, you will notice that you think something like: "Now I failed. I can't resist, I am too weak. I will never get rid of the addiction". Be careful! You must not give up. Just start over, write it in your diary and try to resist even more. Because right the time after failing is the most dangerous time, the probability of doing it again, maybe even on the same day, is high.
Avoid situations in which you do "it"
Maybe you have tried quite often just not to do it. Maybe you were in your bed and tried hard to resist. Maybe you kept resisting for some time and then failed. Does this happen to you?
It is important not only to avoid doing "it", but also avoid situations in which you easily might do it. For example, when I was addicted, I managed to resist before I fell asleep. But in the morning, especially on weekends, I spent some time in my bed before getting up, being tired and not "completely there". As a result I masturbated at least once before I could get up.
It's not easy to solve this, but in my case the solution was being hard to myself and force myself to get up as soon as I open my eyes a bit. I let the alarm clock ring brutally and soon I managed to get up quite fast. This of course did not solve everything - sometimes still the addiction came over me in the bed, or I masturbated in the bathroom. But the frequency of doing "it" was reduced already - and that is very important on the way of becoming clean.
So try to find out in which situations you often can't resist. For example if you do it in the evening in your bed, simply don't go to bed until you are really, really tired. Then resist for some minutes and you'll fall asleep. Get up early to ensure that you are tired in the evening. It sounds way easy but of course I know that it's hard.
If you do it when chatting in sex-related IRC-channels, then don't try to resist while chatting, don't visit this channel any more! If you do it daily while showering, then only shower every two days - it reduces the amount of doing "it" to the half! And so on. Try to find some situations which can be avoided.
Work out a plan
Sometimes you might have thought: "When I feel the desire, I will think of something else, do something else and hope that it disappears". Good to start with something, but it's not enough! You have to make an exact plan what to do when you notice your thougts are going "that" way. It has to be something which really puts your mind and soul elsewhere - then chances are high that the desire doesn't follow.
For example, I had prepared something for the worst cases. If I really could not resist, I had a tape placed in my stereo. On it a very sad song, which usually makes me cry. When the desire to do "it" came over me, first I tried to resist. When I noticed that I am failing and about to start, I pressed "Play" on the remote control. Maybe you will notice, as well as me, that it is extremely hard to press play in that moment. You will notice that you can think of it but your hand will not go to the button. For me this was the proof that it really is an addiction, not just a bad habit. But finally I managed it, and it worked two or three times, the sad song really saved me. Such things are very important, especially when you are clean for some days already.
There are other things you can do. Phone someone, play an action game (not strategy - you will not be able to think), go jogging or shopping. Think of something concrete you will do when the addiction comes over you.
If you believe in God, then there is another good thing to do: Pray. God is ready to help you. He won't do the fight for you, but he will help you in it. And when you are strong enough to resist for a long time, he may take the addiction away from you. Pray every evening that he gives you power to become - and stay - clean. If you feel the desire coming up, pray for immediate help. You will get it.
And a general thing of importance: When you decide to become clean, find clear reasons for it. Some can be found here. My main reasons were that I never wanted to abuse a girl who maybe trusts and loves me. I never wanted to be so addicted that I finally visit a prostitute to please the desire. And many reasons more, which partly are contained in this page. Find things that in your eyes are against doing it, and find things that are for not doing it. Sounds strange? When thinking about it, you will find that there is a difference. For example a reason for not doing it is: growing self-confidence. A reason against doing it may be that you don't want to be "like that".
Be objective, stand next to yourself
Another thing you really should try is this, it worked for me, too. When the temptation comes over you, be objective and look at yourself as if you look at someone else. And this someone else YOU can control. Do you want him to do "it"? NO. So he won't do it. You tell him what he shall do. For example: "Now get up and go to your stereo, put in a tape and press "play". Then go to the window and take a deep breath. Hey, you wanted to sort your collection of sci-fi videos, it's a good time to start with it now." - It's not easy to explain, but I hope you understand. When you are in bed and cannot sleep, and the addiction wants you to do "it", lie on your back and cross your arms behind your head, put your head on your arms. Then say: "These arms won't move a single bit." - concentrate on your arms and that they don't move, and tell yourself: "Nothing can happen as long as I lie here and don't move." - You'll be surprised, this works!
Be "cold" to yourself. No emotion, no fight, no temptation, no fear. Just cold and objective: "There is no reason at all to do this. I said I won't do it anymore so I won't. Now I will do some work/read a book/clean up my room etc.".
Concentrate on something
It's very important to have something to concentrate on. The addiction can easily come over you when you "just do nothing". Don't allow yourself ANY free time! Make plans what you will do. Play games on your computer, try to finish them, make a highscore. Learn something new, something you always were interested in.
Maybe even try to find a new hobby - simply: You need something which fills your time and MIND. It's the most important thing about becoming clean - that your mind is clean.
You have to do something all the time. Another hint is to avoid being alone. When you have the chance, spend some time at a friend's house or something. At a time where I knew that soon I will be a week at a friend's place, I managed being clean for two weeks. Then I was one week at that place. Being somewhere else already reduces the desire. After two weeks it is HARD to resist sometimes, but this way I was forced to stay clean - and suddenly I had three full weeks!
Be outside the house more often. If you have a dog, like me, take it for a walk. On the walk you can think of many things and breath some fresh air. Well, and if you don't have a dog, surely in your neighbourhood there is someone who is happy to meet someone who looks after his dog. Such a thing is a help in avoiding being tempted and it fills free time. Remember, everything which might just reduce the frequency of doing "it" is important!
Dangers on the way
If you used to do it daily, you can be proud of every single day you managed to resist. You will count the days that you are already clean. Later you will even more proudly be able to count weeks.
When the desire comes and wants you to satisfy it, you can tell yourself: "I have resisted for such a long time now - so many days (or even weeks). If I fail now, everything would have been for nothing."
This way of thinking can be helpful when trying to resist, but once you fail, it is dangerous. Because you then may think: "Well, I just failed yesterday. Why not doing it again right now? After it I can try again to become clean and count the days." ... Do you see? This way you will never succeed. The only thing I can say here it: Try to resist. And as you won't count hours: It is much better to do it again on the same day after you failed, than doing it the next day. Of course, the more you do it, the more is lost. So the best thing is not to be too angry with yourself when you failed. Grab your diary and note it down. Resist. And on the next day's evening, be proud that you have just achieved a new, clean day.
The next danger on your way to be clean is, that of course your body has to adjust to you doing away with this addiction. The longer you have done it, the more your body is used to it. You might get very nervous and unconcentrated - but don't worry, this is only temporary! It's just the same people experience when they try to stop smoking or something like that - like with every addiction. In my case, sometimes I wasn't able to do anything at all... In such moments the desire comes over you very fast. Sometimes it will be so strong that you will think about "it" for several hours. And this is a chance: Resisting that long gives a lot of power and is a good training.
The longer you do not do "it", the stronger will get the longing for it, the desire to do it again. At the same time, all the things which made you decide to end it seem to become less and less important! This is a very dangerous time, and you might fail easily. Be careful and keep reminding yourself of all your reasons why you wanted to stop doing it!
The last danger comes up after several weeks of successful being strong and clean. In the night you may suddenly wake up - and have an orgasm! It will completely come from itself. On your mind may be sexual stuff.
This is called pollution and is the natural way of your body get rid of unnecessary sperm. But it's a danger on your way, because the feeling of the ejaculation is (nearly) as "great" as it is when masturbating.
It will remind you of the "pleasure", and the days after it will be very hard to resist - be prepared. You will also notice that the desire will, from time to time, return and be very strong. Resist - soon your body will do it from itself via a pollution.
You made it!
When you have mastered the last danger, have resisted a long time, and won, you made it. It is imporant that you set yourself a time limit. In my case it was 4 weeks plus one for being sure. So when 5 weeks were over, and I was able to resist whole the time, I finally could call myself clean.
If you managed to reach this goal, you can be proud - you are a real hero. This is not meant as a joke... out there are thousands of people who try to stop, but fail. And sadly, there are even more who don't mind it at all.
Beside pride, your reward for having defeated the addiction will be a slowly growing self-confidence, a better relation and ability to talk with to girls, a better life in general and - freedom.
And if you ever relapse - just DON'T GIVE UP!
What can you do for others?
Whether you are addicted or not, whether you decided to become clean or not - you can be absolutely sure: Out there are people who struggle against this addiction.
So generally do not spread pornographical stuff. Maybe you find that you like the stuff and don't want to become clean - that's up to you - but do not flood other people with stuff which can turn them into addicts or increase their addiction. Keep in mind that there for sure are people who may be more sensitive than you.
If you think someone has the problem discussed on this page, tell him the address. If you are maintaining a site which also tries to help people with sex related problems, please link here.
Thank you for reading this.
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