Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through
town, you can usually take cover in a passing St.
Patrick's Day parade -- at any time of the year.
All grocery shopping bags
contain at least one stick of French Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land
a plane providing there is someone in the control
tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will
never rub off -- even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of
any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will
ever think of looking for you in there and you can
travel to any other part of the building you want
without difficulty.
If you need to reload your
gun, you will always have more ammunition -- even if
you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to
survive any battle in any war unless you make the
mistake of showing someone a picture of your
sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass
yourself off as a German officer, it will not be
necessary to speak the language. A German accent will
do.
If your town is threatened
by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the
mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or
his forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen
from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain
while taking the most ferocious beating but will
wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is
visible, someone will be thrown through it before
long.
When paying for a taxi,
don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill --
just grab one at random and hand it over. It will
always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically
possible with any creature from elsewhere in the
universe.
Kitchens don't have light
switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you
should open the fridge door and use that light
instead.
If staying in a haunted
house, women should investigate any strange noises in
their most revealing garments.
Word processors never
display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter
Password Now.
Mothers routinely cook eggs
and bacon for their family every morning even though
their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost
always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will
always suspend his star detective -- or give him 48
hours to finish the job.
A single match will be
sufficient to light up a room the size of a football
stadium.
Only children and Homer
Simpson are flatulent.
Medieval peasants had
perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century
it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of
our visual range, people of the 23rd century will
have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a
nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say
hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone
conversations.
Even when driving down a
perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the
steering wheel vigorously from left to right every
few moments.
All bombs are fitted with
electronic timing devices with large red readouts so
you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to
park directly outside the building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a
case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start
dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will
know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are
powerful enough to override the communication systems
of any invading alien civilisation.
It does not matter if you
are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial
arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you
one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner
until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked
unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never
suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No one involved in a car
chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or
alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give
their officers personality tests to make sure they
are deliberately assigned a partner who is their
total opposite.
When they are alone, all
foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chain
saw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a
credit card or a paper clip in seconds -- unless it's
the door to a burning building with a child trapped
inside.
An electric fence, powerful
enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting
damage to an eight year old child.
Television news bulletins
usually contain a story that affects you personally
at that precise moment.
People rarely use the
bathroom, and if they do, they're usually dead within
minutes.
You can always rely on your
car keys already being in the ignition when you get
in the car, but if it's an emergency you can't find
the keys anywhere.
No one locks doors, and if
they do, chances are there's a hatchet about to come
through it.