well after a week of not going to classes and being sick, and mulling over this crap... i've decided to withdraw from school... actually around 3:30 today i did so... the paperwork should be done on tues or so the guy said... now all i have to do is tell my parents... what fun! god they're not gonna like this... but i cant think of anything else to do im wasting MY time and MY money staying here not knowing what the hell im doing here or what im going to do with my life... so the time off is gonna be helpful, in my heart i know it will... actually i've been thinking about a vet tech program in the future, who knows? *shrugs* wish me luck in tellin my rents

after sleeping like an hour my mother calls me and wakes me up asking why im not at work... after alittle hesitation i told her i withdrew it wasnt that bad she understood my reasoning and stuff... but being my mom wanted to make sure i knew what i was doing and i do... she even offered to tell my dad for me... cuz he isnt gonna take it well at all im sure... but all in all it didnt go too bad... 'sides i'll be home for my grandparents anniversary party on saturday *shrugs* oh well

mom woke me up kinda not really but anyways.. she called to say she wouldnt be able to tell dad afterall cuz she had a wedding shower to go to and forgot to tell me... so i gotta do it... well i did .... fuckin sucked he doesnt want me to come home he'd rather i stay here and fail.... ugh god have i ever mentioned i hate my life? ugh well im goin home and nobody is gonna be happy least of all diane, my grandmother, and my father the three people i have the pleasure of encountering most often... man oh man oh man... but i do have an alternate if things dont work out the man whom ive been seeing online for the past oh.. 7mos said i could move in with him, he's in TX so i have step family down there... thing is he's 43 so my family will have to get used to the idea cuz i love him... and he makes me happy loved and safe... all ive ever wanted in life... i still plan on meeting him irl :-) regardless of how things turn out at home i will meet him ok enuf of this gushing