the day hasn't yet begun really and i feel as though im dead... im so sad and i dont know what about really, alot of people forgot about my birthday which isnt so strange, it always happens and every year i want them to remember only to have those hopes of being 'here' dashed, why do i do that to myself? ugh... well i was crashing before, whats so strange about the fact that im unhappy & depressed? my cars here and to tell the truth its kind of scary for me, i mean i could just run away just hop in my car and go... actually i just want to sleep or die or something, i dont know... its all fucked up...

i hate waking up before my alarm goes off... grrrrrr.... prolly cuz i slept practically all day yesterday... oh well.... today was ok i suppose... crashed sorta then went to bed was ok... wicked tired went to bed again...

ok second day in a row ive woken up before the alarm... ugh... geez... oh well today was ok.... took 4 of us to paralell park a chicks car but hey... hehe... just noticed how untalkative ive gotten... although ive i dunno... its been weird

went in the field for lab.... hmmm strange day... just thought i have those pills, i should... instead i went to sleep then pam called and woke me up cuz i hadnt been around... said she was worried, i dunno... im gonna sleep... what happened? ugh

yeah i havnt been updating this, i know... seems slightly dumb... i sit down and if i stop like stop doing something i could and would die... so weird... anyways i have all this shit to get done so i dunno... one week and 3 days left of classes than finals... ugh