So, what’s to know about lettuce? First, it isn’t always healthfully green, even with Romaine. Second, it is not a pleasurable taste and smell to me. Third, there are practically no nutrients in lettuce. Forth, lettuce has a lot of fiber -- the kind that makes diarrhea happen, or makes it worse if you already have it! The Big "D"! And -- there are health and safety concerns about the lettuce served up at just about any restaurant that we’ll never know about -- trust me on this; I worked my way through college as a waitress. So, I am an individual; I don’t like lettuce, I don’t trust that it is always clean, it can produce some diarrhea (or make it worse), and it has almost no nutrient value.

I sometimes think that I must be on all mailing lists that have anything to do with nutrition -- even bad nutrition! One group sends envelopes covered with messages such as: "Two foods never to eat!" One envelope, in particular, screamed out at me to say Never to eat a (high-fat) Haagen-Dazs bar and Never slurp hi-salt chicken soup.

Admittedly, some people could get into a salt problem on the chicken soup, but usually it has more to do with hypertension in Average America. Actually, salt may be good for HIV: It can create thirst, prompting us to race skip, or jump in search of safe-water, and then helps us to hold onto that water to prevent dehydration -- a real concern for Positive people. So, is chicken soup a "never-to-eat"? It depends on who you ask and what the circumstances are. Maybe that old saying is true -- that chicken soup is actually a miracle food that heals colds and flus. In any case, it often seems to be a real "comfort" food.

As to the Haagen-Dazs Bar with all its fat -- of course it’s not a health food -- but that’s not why you’d eat it anyway. When and if you eat an ice-cream dessert, it’s not really expected to be the so-called healthy part of a meal. Winchell’s even has 24-hour stores for this type of eating: Donuts for a midnight high-grease calorie fix. When you’re eating for pure pleasure, it’s more like "soul" food. Again, this isn’t your health-food time anyway. So, when eating for health, eat good food, and when eating for simple joy, choose differently. Are we all supposed to be angels all of the time? How boring!

The point is that we can get crazy and stifled when trying to be perfect. Let’s re-define the condition of perfect: Being perfect is a big stress. So, let’s separate the good from the bad -- a balanced dietary agenda. My advice is that about 80% of the time, we eat for health -- like when you’re at the farmers market or the health food store. Then, for 20% of the time, we are at the "soul" food level, at the donut store. We do know the difference, yes? Should we feel guilty about that once-in-a-while soul food seizure? Not from this nutritionist. There are no absolutes -- No Nevers and Never Always.

In recent times I’ve been meeting with a client for cancer -- and his family. Dad had the cancer (head/neck) and had undergone massive radiation. Then they came to see me. After a bit of discussion, it became apparent that Dad had a very sore mouth and throat -- almost always a side effect of radiation. This is not a fun thing and with luck, it may get better. My client wanted to go easy on the mouth and gums, and the family wanted a health-food lifestyle -- like roughage. Here’s where individuality comes in -- what’s healthy from his families’s standpoint, but uncomfortable for him.

For example, Dad had a problem with the 7-grain bread lovingly baked at home and served by Mom. It was hard to chew and rough for his mouth lining and throat. I recommended soft white bread or sourdough. Over the top of her glasses, Mom was staring me down! The audacity of recommending a less-than-healthy bread. One couldn’t escape the stress in the air -- she must have thought, at that moment anyway, that I was insane! Noting this, I quickly asked: What is a health food? For bread types: Let’s really look at why and how one choice may be better than another. Here’s how it went -- roughly (ouch!).

Dear Mom: Let’s look at what we think of as health food. First, Dad is in trouble with his mouth and wants to make food easier to eat; he has a quality of life concern. From wheat bread, we get naturally-occurring vitamins, minerals, carbohydrates and substance. For "natural" it is the healthier choice. Now, let’s look at white bread. Much of the naturally-occurring vitamins and minerals have probably been lost. To make up for the losses, the softer bread makers re-inject the lost vitamin and mineral content by adding in more than what was processed out! This, then makes white a healthier choice on the vitamin/mineral issue. As for "natural", we can re-introduce the roughage from time to time as Dad’s mouth gets better. Why be picky about milligram and microgram nutrients when Dad has trouble eating anything at all. Give the guy a break; let him have the soft stuff! This family still comes in for "tune-ups" and they have concluded that I’m a little bit "eccentric." Or like my husband likes to say, Xcentric with a capital X! Loves me for it too!

Recently I got a call from a man with a particularly mild cancer type, easily treatable. As he stated it, he wanted to pay me $100.00 to have me tell him what he shouldn’t eat! I explained to him that I don’t work in absolutes. I see my job as helping people to avoid unnecessary restrictions. For my work, I want to look at what’s on the menu now, then go on to suggest changing it only when and if it is necessary -- an individualized dietary plan. My caller re-explained that he wanted to pay me to tell him what he shouldn’t eat. I’m no psychologist, but I suspect that he might be "punishing" himself for getting cancer -- like he had only himself to blame. (I think he really just needed to find another nutritionist.)

Nothing is black and white. My professional advice is, again, that 80/20 balance. If food aversions do appear, we need to get other foods to take their place. And naturally, if foods truly do need to be removed due to healthcare concerns, then that change should be as mild and trouble-free as possible.

As one could guess by now, I’m against flat-out rules. And Nutrition Power is anti-rule. Except for these two:

The first rule is on health -- Don’t eat anything that might cause harm. This "rule" extends to food safety, symptom management and other health concerns. For example, if you have diarrhea and/or mouth sores then probably you shouldn’t eat roughage like cancer patient number one. And with fat malabsorption, that ice-cream bar probably isn’t the best choice -- for that one person and that one reason. The rest of us can safely slip every once in a while.

The second Nutrition Power rule is on quality of life: Don’t eat anything you don’t like! Take it from one picky eater -- force feeding health food is not a good idea and can cause a drop in quality of life matters. And this rule carries with it a careful but fun notation: If there is a truly bad food item that drips of sweet goo or some other wonderfully sinful flavor -- do eat that food now and then. What's life for if not to enjoy it?

Here’s to eating for health and pleasure -- and for the thrill of life without absolutes!

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As always, first do no harm. If something here is, or seems to be, connected to adverse consequences, call your doctor or nutritionist.

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Nutrition Power is a Registered Trademark of Health and Nutrition Awareness. Copyright 1997 Jennifer Jensen, MS, MBA, RD.

All Rights Reserved.

Other versions of this article have appeared with permission in Being Alive Newsletter and other newsletters.