Read What Others Have Shared
(April 1999)
There Is Hope In Knowing That You Are Not Alone
April 27, 1999
From : Chris
E-mail : chrisedison@hotmail.com
I have had depression for as long as I can remember. I was eight years old when I wished I was dead. I have always believed in God and thought that I was not worthy of his love if I could have such feelings. As an adult I still have moments when I feel worthless, but when I look to God's word I find solice.
I'm an inpatient sole, and often question God's plan. But when I look back I always find his plan was better than mine.
No where does God promise an easy life, just a journey of learning.
April 13, 1999
From : Lynn
E-mail : LnluvsPooh@aol.com
I want to start this off by saying that God is so awesome~ He is the one and only true love of my life~ Praise Him... He is my yesterday, my today, and my tomorrow. I have always and will continue to always say that we are tallest when we are kneeled to Him in prayer. There is not a higher height we could climb. Well, God has been so awesome to me... In many times in my life I had no one to turn to but God. And as we know he will never leave us nor forsake us. When my physical family was not here, my Heavenly Father was always there. I began to grow up quickly, by the age of 14. I was born on June 30th, 1980 and I was born in TN, but now live in NC. My father was married to a woman previously marrying my mother. They together produced two children, my sister who is 33 and my brother who is 30. They went their separate ways and eventually him and my mother were married. Between my two biological parents they produced my brother who is 13 and I whom am 18. Two times in the course of their marriage my father had an affair and had two other children...The sad thing was not only the affair but that it was with my God Mother, my mother's best friend of 8 years. Together they produced my 15 year old brother and my 9 year old sister. All of my siblings live in different states today, so therefore I see none of them. During the course of my parents marriage my older two siblings mother was killed and full custody was given to my father. My father began to beat and molest my sister on a daily basis. My sister was 9 when this began, she escaped at 15 and took a plane to Oregon to live with her aunt. My brother soon followed behind her. He had dealt with all of the mental abuse. After 2 of my siblings had left my father continued abusing me in everyway possible, physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, and sexually. The abuse went on for years. At the age 13 my uncle began to reside with us. He was on drugs and was homeless and had no place to go. Now, my father and uncle were molesting me together. After months of hurting and severe inner and outer pain, I finally had to tell my mother. I had become pregnant and we really had no choice. Of course, my mother freaked. She told me what was going on between my father, uncle, and I was really no big deal, but that it wasn't right to have a child by another family member. I was given no option but to have an abortion. I had always thought that this was wrong but was convinced in this case it was okay. It was hard but that was only the beginning of half of my battle. After the abortion things began to get worse. My uncle committed suicide and I was all the blame. That was very hard to deal with. I was told it was my fault because I had opened my big mouth to a school teacher who had asked what was going on when I showed up at school with a fractured jaw. My uncle was afraid to face the world. After his death I had to begin working to fed myself. Many night's my brother and I were home alone without food to eat. I began to baby-sit every night and every weekend. AT 14 social services also got involved and we were placed in many different places. From an orphanage, foster families, school teachers, and so on. My father was not yet being dealt with, I mean he was not yet in prison. A hearing was set for one year from the day of my first removal. I eventually went back home in that year on free will to be with my parents. I felt I was doing them wrong. I was now almost 16. I was kept out of school most of my life. For my parents feared me telling. It wasn't until I was 16 that I could fully read and write. Praise God! Now, I am cannot only do that but I am addicted to the computer. In the time of the year waiting the date of the hearing I attempted suicide and was hospitalized for over 2 weeks. I had taken 72 different pills and was on oxygen for days and a heart monitor the entire time. I could barely breathe on my own. It is by the grace of God I am here today. Praise Him! The date for court finally came and went. My attorney had yet to get my sister to come and testify, which he desperately wanted. It was February of this year that the final date was set. My sister was finally able to come. Praise God! All five siblings were there. Praise God again!!! They had medical history on my older sister and I that had been recorded that could prove we had been molested several times over the course of our lives. The hearing took place and my mother and father were both sent to prison. My father for all the abuse and neglect of his children. My mother was charged for accountability, but it is now out today. I love my family very much, and that is with the love of Jesus living in me. Most say "I would kill my parents," or "I hate them," or "How can you stand you them?" I do not hate them and I would never even think of killing them. I stand them and I love them because that is what Jesus has taught us to do. I have realized that my parents and family never knew what they were really doing. Satan had them good. That is how I have to look at it. I hold no grudges or hatred because the Lord has told me so and we are not to be the judge's. My only prayer for them is that they come to truly know the Lord. This was not an easy thing to accept, but by the love of Jesus and many teachings I taught myself to love ALL God's children, no matter what their "wrong doing's" may have been. I am now 18 years old and live in the state of NC. I live with a wonderful Christian family that I met online. Kinda scary, but it was truly and no other than a blessing sent from God. I was alone and needed severe help. I was still living the pain and hurt from my past. Many night's I stayed up crying and fearing my past to come again. Many of these night's I would try to do things to get those awful memories off my mind, so I would get on the computer and chat with many people. I became so desperate to find someone who would help me and love me for who I was, despite my past experiences. I began praying and searching for a mother who could love and understand me for who I was and what I was still going through. I watched many days and nights for the "right" mother to come online. One day while I was home from work because of an illness, I met Sallie online. We hit it off immediately. We talked for a while and then she asked if I would call her. I was a bit nervous but took the offer. I knew from the word Hello, that God had answered my prayers. She was so kind and gentle hearted I couldn't believe what I was hearing. We talked for about 2 hours and in those hours my heart went from sadness to happiness in a matter of minutes. We continued talking online for a few weeks and communicated on the phone. One day as we were "talking" online she asked me if I would consider coming to stay with her and her family in NC. I paused for a moment and thought.. This is either the blessing I have been asking for ... Or this person is crazy. I was excited but I prayed continuously. I didn't want my emotions to control my decision. I finally decided to go. I arrived here on March 7. This was is no way and in no regrets a crazy decision. I have been abundantly blessed with a mother who is so full of love and so dear to me. She is married and has 3 children of her own. All very close to my age, 19,17, and 16. Sallie, now known as mom to me, is very precious and I love her so much. She spends so much time with me and is teaching more on the Word of God each day. She has helped me seek counseling and medication for the disorder which I have been diagnosed with, which is Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I never thought there was this much more to life. I love her so very much and I am thankful for the earthly angel she is too me. God is so awesome and sends many blessings when you have faith in Him and his son Jesus who died so that we may not suffer. I pray for all the lost and those who feel there is no hope. I have walked the same path and still walking what they lived with. I pray that everyone is blessed with an earthly angel like my mother. She is more than a conqueror in Jesus Christ and is teaching me to be the same. Thank God for his grace, mercy, compassion, love, and blessings or I might not be here today. Hallelujah, Praise God!
April 6, 1999
From : jn1413@mailcity.com
My Dad just died, I had to put 2 dogs down 2 months ago, & I lost a baby to sids 8 yrs ago, have had a misscarriage, an abortion before I became a believer, had to deal with feelings of insecurity,hoplessnes, loss, among many other life changing issues. I seem to sink into a depression when bad things happen, & I know I'm there, but I can't seem to deal with life well. I've been to counseling several times, for marriage counseling, & grief counseling, abuse issues, etc. I'm taking anti depressives. Why do I continue to slip every blasted time I have a major life changing event??? I'm tired of it all. I have lost my drive to do even the little tasks in life. My daughter is 6 yrs old, she sees me in bed crying alot. My husband is concerned as well. What now??? I know the word quite well, I've been a believer for 11 years. I've got issues with churches & people who have said very destructive & hurtfull things to me & behind my back. I don't trust people too easily anymore. Please help me!
April 3, 1999
From : Lynn
E-mail : LnluvsPooh@aol.com
Hello ~ my name is Lynn and my mom had forwarded your links and pages to me because I suffer many illnesses. I am 18 yrs. old and I live in NC. I have manic depression, obsessive~ compulsive disorder, and I battle fear and rejection everyday. I was abused as a child all the way up until I was 17, physically, emotionally, verbally, and sexually! Then I finally moved out on my own when lawyers finally got involved. I moved 4 hrs. from my home town where all my remaining family and friends lived to escape the entire fear of "running" into my parents. I have been working since the age of 14 to help support my li'l brother and I. I have 5 other siblings ranging from the ages of 33 to 9 . All in different states. I miss them very much and hope to meet with them again someday.
After I made my move to my new in Nashville, TN with my best friend I stayed depressed most of the time, doing nothing but working, "talking"on AOL, and sometimes sleeping. Night was hard for me and so I faught my sleep as much as possible. One day while on AOL I meet a wonderful Christian mother, who took so much time for and didn't even know me. After times past and I began hurting even more and was tired of being alone and scared, this dear mother invited me to her home. Believe me it was a BIG step of faith for me and A LOT of praying was done, but I am never so happy to be with her today. I now live here in NC with her and her husband and 3 other children. I have been here 3 weeks and 3 days today. I love them so much and my Sallie (I call her mom now) has loved more in 3 weeks than I have been loved in 18 years, Praise God for her love and blessing she has been to me! She is helping me in every way possible to over come these obstacles and she is seeking good counseling for me, I have a wonderful Christian family I live with now. Praise God~ It took 18 years, but I am so happy to finally be here!
I hope I haven't talked too much, but when my mom emailed me this link about depression I had to respond. I think it is a neat and wonderful thing you are doing! Thanks again... God Bless You... Lynn