Read What Others Have Shared
(June 1999)
There Is Hope In Knowing That You Are Not Alone
June 30, 1999
I am the husband of a wonderful woman who has depression and /or thyroid disease. No combination of medicines has worked. No therapy has worked. No God has worked. This disease has wrecked my marriage, and to certain extent, my life. I used to trust God. I now know that God, if he exists, wills people to have this disease for his purposes alone. If people suffer or commit suicide because no amount of drivel & sayings from a 2,000 year old book can break through the pain, then I guess it's his will. If this is the way God drives people like me to him, then he is as cruel as the devil. The God of Jesus doesn't exist. The God of wrath, of the Old Testament is the real God. If God lets you be healed, good. Just remember those who He abandones.
June 20, 1999
E-mail : CSotelo@juno.com
I am the mother of a precious, creative, poet, dancer and princess of a daughter. She is 7 years old and has been diagnosed for three years with bipolar diaorder, as well as some other mental illness diagnoses. She has been different all of her life, begining with crying ten to twelve hours a day as an infant, and continuing on with extended tantrums lastign two to three hours, several times a day, harmful behaviors, and extreme emotional outbursts. Through our journey, I was astounded, and devastated by reactions from our Christian communities. I will not share here the details and hurtful remarks during those years, but suffice to say that after changing churches three times (and I don't change churches !) we are in a supportive church where people help and even if they don't fully understand, are willing to accept us for who we are and what we can offer. This has meant an entire re-working of our Christian faith and I would be happy to discuss that aspect of my life with anyone whom is facing that delimma. My main point is that God is still a God of great love and mercy, and the ignorant remarks of His people does not represent His compassion and loving kindness. Never give up on God! Never stop seeking out people who love Him and will support and accept you. Not everyone at our church is able to accept our situation or understand. We cannnot indite the entire congregation or pastor by the uninformed remarks of the few. Instead we live our loves honestly before them and trust that God will use that.
June 16, 1999
ahh well, where can I all start...What can I say... What is it like... while it's like hell I guess. I'm pretty sick of it too, it's been this way for a long time. I am a Christian, but I can't really make out any light at the end sometimes. I never asked to be here but I am, and this makes me wonder why. Why bother is all I can ask at the moment, all life seems to be is a enormous list of do's and don'ts.. one giant Catch 22. Don't do this or else.. or pain in the short term is better than pain in the long term. I'm SICK of PAIN...of any SORT.. for ANY amount of TIME... and I can't just keep functioning like this. That really rattles my cage. It's easy for people to say that, cause they aren't suffering. Sure there have been times when things have been good, but it always ends up back where I started. I would/have be thinking of stopping it all... but there is a difference between doing it and thinking it. And it would make hell for everyone else around me.. one more Catch 22! . Damned if I do, damned if I don't.. I feel like I'm just a pawn in a sick game, just something to fight over, a battlefield. I'm sick of it all.
June 10, 1999
I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO WRITE HERE BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I AM DEPRESSED OR NOT. SEE I AM A CHRISTIAN AND LOVE GOD WITH MY WHOLE HEART AND MIND AND I THINK I AM IN DENIAL BECAUSE "CHRISTIANS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE DEPRESSED" YEAH RIGHT. IF U CALL CRYING YOURSELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT AND NOT BEING ABLE TO DO THE THINGS U USED TO DO NOT DEPRESSED THAN I THINK I HAVE A DIFFERENT ANSWER FOR YOU! I REALLY STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT DEPRESSION IS AND THAT IS WHAT I AM REALLY TRYING TO FIND OUT. AND IF IN FACT I DO IT HOW DO I GO ABOUT DEALING WITH IT WITHOUT PROFESSIONAL HELP? CAN U PLEASE ANSWER THHESE QUESTIONS FOR ME?? PLEASE I AM DESPERATE!!!!!