Read What Others Have Shared
(October 1998)
There Is Hope In Knowing That You Are Not Alone
October 23, 1998
From: Gretchen
E-mail: gretkay@students.johnco.cc.ks.us
The first time I felt the effects of depression was 11 years ago when I was in the fourth grade. There is no definition as to why this came over me. Each year that passed, it has gotten worse and worse. I feel as if there is a ton of bricks pressing down on my shoulders and chest. I do not feel as if I belong here. I want to leave and be with the Lord, but I cannot guess how much it would hurt my family. Sometimes I think they would be better off without me. I feel that I am not good for anything. I don't know what it says in the Bible about suicide, but I am seriously considering it. Yes, I am a believer and I am saved. When I try to talk to someone about my problem, they think they have me all figured out and give me some simple solution as if that would take care of the whole thing. There is no one I can talk to and I am about to bust. No one understands me. If I ever did find someone to talk to, I couldn't get too deep because they would just go blab! it to someone else. There is no one I can trust. There is only God. But I cannot see Him. He does not speak directly to me. I am worthless in this world. No one would guess this about me by just looking at me. This is a dark world I keep hidden inside and all to myself. I want help, but somehow I don't believe that there is anyone out there to really understand and help me. There is only Jesus. That is why I want to be with Him now.
October 8, 1998
From: Hez
E-mail: smilehez@yahoo.com
I am 19, female, have no children, and am married. I have, as most people with depression, suffered from it for many years. My parents emotionally abused me most of my life. I guess that's the root of the whole problem. My sister was born (I was only 10) and I had to take care of her because mom was always working and dad was always farming. I believe it was the most wrong thing they could have done to me. I was not old enough or mature enough to be caring for a baby. As I got older, my depression got worse. My high school pricipal brought me in to talk with him one time because he saw my depression. I never knew any other way. It was the only way I knew life. He said that I was not normal and that normal people don't cry every day. Then social services got involved. Now, as far as I'm concerned, social services is the dumbest thing to involve in a suicidal person's life. That just makes them feel threatened. I know I did!!! As I got older, I toyed around ! with suicide more and more. Until the day came when I thought I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed a knife and started cutting away. I live through that one. I never cut all the way through my wrist. It hurt too much. I tried it four more times. I just wanted someone to listen and not to mock me!!! Everyone thought that my manic depression was so easy to overcome! It was the hardest battle I ever fought!
If someone would ask me what a life of depression is like, I'd have to say it's like living in a cage with a mask on. I could never do anything. I never saw anything. I just secluded myself off from the world. It was easier that way! I'd put on my happy mask and be off. I fool a psychologist with it! Why couldn't I fool everyone else!
And the thing that makes me most angry about people and depression, is that everyone thinks it's so easy to overcome! Depression is like any other disease. It's just like cancer. It is deadly and hard to overcome! It takes a lot of work. You don't just wake up one morning and you're over it. If it were that easy, I'dve been over it a long time ago! Believe me! People need to understand that depression is a disease. It takes over your whole life. You are consumed by it. But I also believe it is overcomable. I did it and so can anyone else. There are many people who have depression and get so into their routine of being sad that they don't try to be happy. I believe that if I die tomarrow, would I be happy with my life?
God helped me out so much. I was listening to a christain radio station and her Pam Thum sing, "Will You Come To Jesus," and I gave my life to Christ. I'd had it. I knew I couldn't beat this thing alone. It was a very rocky walk, but I made it and am doing really good. People need to learn to trust Jesus. My life wouldn't be the same otherwise!
If you have depression, keep up the battle! There are many of us out here that suffer from it. We can and will help you. Hang on. Help is on the way, 1-800-JESUS.