Read What Others Have Shared
(October 1999)
There Is Hope In Knowing That You Are Not Alone
October 28, 1999
From : Chris
E-mail : farqfox@juno.com
I have lived with depression for almost 20 years, and I am 33 years old now. It is what they call low-grade depression, but nonetheless, it definitely affects my quality of life. I have been on and off antidepressants and do function much better on medication. Sometimes I feel so angry that I have to be on medication to function well. I feel that something is fundamentally "wrong" with me that I can't function without taking a pill. Sometimes I wish there was a blood test that would show depression so I could see physical evidence. I'm so hard on myself, telling myself it's weakness or lack of faith.
Other Christians mean well but can't know the burden of it. They want to pray me through it and then I feel the pressure to appear "happier."
One thing that is very difficult for me as a Christian suffering with chronic depression is when people comment on how sad I look. I understand it is genuine concern, but why does it feel like a blow from the enemy? I immediately feel Satan using this against me, telling me I am making other people sad, that I will never get better. I feel like I must try harder to not show my feelings. Can anyone relate to this?? All of it makes me feel even more alone.
I try to hang in there and just focus on Jesus and try to shut out the other people. I know without a doubt that God will use this experience for my own good and for his glory. But it's so hard not to be understood by brothers and sisters in Christ.
My favorite scripture is the one that refers to God as "the lifter of my head." I think of that a lot while praying and praising in church.
God be with you,
Chris
October 23, 1999
From : Dustin
E-mail : macduff_stuff@yahoo.com
I have been suffering from anxiety and depression for about 4 years now. I have struggled a lot with it--really trying hard to "beat" it. At first, I was sure anxiety and depression were weaknesses that a Christian should not have. Christians, of course, should be able to "rely on God", "have faith", and get better by themselves. I have gone through lots of bouts of trying to quote scripture and really get it into my heart so that I can get better. I have grown a lot with the help of friends, but I still am dealing with depression. My biggest problem is being hard on myself and only recently have I felt that maybe I CAN be a Christian and yet struggle with emotional problems. Up until recently, I didn't think I really needed a counsellor, or medication because, again, I thought God would be my deliverer etc. etc. I still believe that He truly is our Deliverer, but not necessarily in the narrow way that I think He should be, or in the timeframe that I have in mind.
However, because I have struggled for so long without resolution, I feel I have to let go of my pre-conceived notions and realize that God does not care if I need help to get better (especially medication).
From reading lots of the information in this website, I feel much more relaxed regarding my need for outside help.
Thanks.
October 12, 1999
From : Rikki Marshall
E-mail : rmarshall@shames.com
I am a woman in my mid-forties suffering from Bi-Polar II and Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome, a double whammy.
I was officially diagnosed with the Bi-Polar 4 years ago and very shortly after that, the symptoms of the Chronic Fatugue started. Not only do I not want to do anything when I am depressed, I often do not have the energy to make any effort.
I am working with a psychologist as well as taking medication for the Bi-Polar II. Bi-Polar II is characterized by periods of deppression and very mild manic episodes. I am very creative during my manic episodes, but go a bit overboard. I saw a segment on a craft show about embroidery with silk ribbon, and two days later, I had purchased $40.00 worth of silk ribbon, with plans to embroider stuff for my entire family. I did one project and the rest has sat for 3 months.
The psychologist is helping me with my distorted perceptions of who I am, based on how I was raised, and this is helping with my feelings of inadeqacy and self-worthlessness. The medication helps me get through the day, and sleep better at night.
If medication alone does not help, therapy is a good tool. Make sure you find a therapist that you feel comfortable with. Going to a therapist for a mental condition is just as important as going to a doctor for a medical condition.
Prayer, faith and a loving husband and son are all helping me get through this trial in my life that I hope will make me a stronger person.
October 4, 1999
From : elizabeth
E-mail : coco@colville.org
I have struggled with depression off and on since I was 10 or 11 years old. The low point came after my first year in college, when I was so tired of fighting (I didn't even know what it was I was fighting at that point)that I purposely overdosed on some prescription pills I had in the house. My boyfriend and I had been drinking that night and went to bed and I woke up in the hospital sometime the next evening. I have no doubt that, if I had not been drinking I would not have done it that night, but would have waited and done it in a way in which I would have been successful at some later date. For years afterward I truly wished I had done it "right." I learned from that experience that it would have destroyed my mother (and certainly hurt others), and that kept me from trying again many times.
Eventually I learned that there were several factors contributing to my depression, most notably hormones, and when I was able to deal with that I led a fairly normal life, but still battled the depression some of the time. About 10 years ago I was referred to a wonderful Christian counselor who recognized that this was probably a chemical problem, rather than a psychological or spiritual one. She recommended to my physician that he check this out, and I was soon taking Prozac.
This was truly a gift from God. It has been enormously helpful in getting through some very tough times without just completely falling apart. (Well, mostly I kept it together---except when I had surgery that rendered me unable to have children at the age of 30.) Anyway, God has taught me many things through these times, including total dependence on Him, compassion for others, and a sense that He is in control, no matter how bleak things sometimes seem.
I have a wonderful husband, a good job, a nice home, many friends and activities, and yet, there are still times when I feel myself sinking down into "the pit." I read somewhere recently that all discouragement is of the devil. I agree with this in that there are times when I allow myself to be defeated by the depression, to despair of it ever changing. My husband has been a huge help in recognizing this and "praying me out of it."
God has also been working on me in the area of gratitude. It is so easy to focus only on the negative in my life when I can barely force myself to get out of bed, but He has shown me, bit by bit, how to have a more thankful heart. This is much longer than I intended it to be, but maybe it will speak to someone in similar circumstances. Thanks for the opportunity to share this---I think I must have needed to express these things today