Read What Others Have Shared
(December 1999)
There Is Hope In Knowing That You Are Not Alone
December 23, 1999
From : Sandy
E-mail : gwz@hit.net
i am a christian too, who takes antidepressants. i have been on them for 4 months, but i started thinking that i was wrong, that taking them was robbing God of what he could do in my life if only i would trust in him and not take my medicine, so i quit. at first i was ok. then a few days later i got headahes so bad i had to go to the hospital to get a shot, iwas dzzy all the time and everything. i finally went to the doctors to see what was wrong and put me back on them and my headaches went away. i was so angry and depressed when i was not on them anymore. now i am a happy mother of six children that used to be bound to depression. this web page has really blessed me. keep up the good work!!!! God Bless You,
in Christ sandy
December 22, 1999
Depression ..........
When is it that I realized that depression existed???
I don't know, may be I had it since I was 18....gee,like any other desease it is horrible unkind thing. I've been diagnostic with it for almost 2 years,I've been in counselling, but sometimes it works and sometimes doesn't. Medicen it is very good, but it gets me worse when I keep out of them for a few days. I had commited suicide and thanks God I got back to my house from the hospital.... it was two weeks that I had to stay there, and then almost a month and a few days more at my mother's house who took care of me day and night,,,as well she took care of my new baby girl in the day time. It was a very ugly experience.... to think about it makes me feel ashamed.
I have my days bad and good, I don't like when I get mad so easily,,,knowing that I can take control of me but I just can't.
I don't like this loliness kind of feeling even when I'm with everyone or just alone....this feeling it is absurd,,,something that cannot be explain.
All my life I've gotten the feeling that i don't do things wright,being told by my family or just failure itself telling me...that makes me feel worse,sad,wanna cry at that moment not able to retain my tears.
I don't go to church every sunday but in my heart I know, I believe in Jesus,in God,,,,I know in his stregth in helping others, to me wright now it is very difficult to feel it, but I know deep inside that I need to have some sort of spiritual contact with me,God, and the people around me. I have lost that feeling and, want to gain it again,for good.
To people I would like them to know that we need time, we need help,that we need healing, that we need love.
Thank you all.
December 22, 1999
From : Chrissy Redwine
E-mail : c.m.redwine@worldnet.att.net
I am a 35-year old mother of three. I have been saved since I was 13 and I love the Lord with all my heart. I know he is all-loving and He has all the answers to all my problems. All my life I have tended to be on the shy side and a little depressed once in a while. But the past 3 months I have experienced severe depression like I never thought possible. And every day it seems to get worse. I won't go into all the details because it would take a million pages- but I think the one thing that depresses me the most is the fact that, -I don't understand how I can be this depressed and not get out of it, -and not only that, it's getting worse and worse, -and the one thing I want more than anything is to get out of this depression and be a normal, happy person. -In my mind I keep going back and forth between two arguments: #1. I don't know what's making me depressed, I am trying to do good and live a good Christian life and read the Bible and pray and go to church and be a ! godly wife and mother, I'm not perfect but I am trying, -and each day I just get in a more horrible mood than the day before, and it's getting worse and worse and worse- so much so that I can't even force myself to do the basic things I need to do, like take good care of my kids- and absolutely NOTHING makes me happy anymore. -Going shopping, playing with my kids, spending time alone with my husband, listening to music, -NOTHING. I have an immense cloud of darkness and sadness that just hangs over me all the time- no, not 'hangs', it's more like it presses down upon me constantly. I cry literally all the time, -most of the time I have no idea why. And I do not want to be this way at all. The worst part is that it's affecting my husband and children- my children are all becoming depressed because all they see is me depressed all the time. So my #1 argument is, -if I love the Lord and I really am saved (which I know that I am)- and I pray and pray that this depression will! stop, or that God will show me a way out of it, but it just gets worse- that must mean that God doesn't love me or doesn't want to help me or that He's mad at me or something. The #2 argument is, -well if it's not God's doing, if God really does want me to get out of this depression and He really IS trying to show me the right way to go, -then the problem must be totally within ME. I must be a horrible, awful person, -bound by some kind of secret sins that I dont' even know what they are, but they must be so bad that they're keeping me from communicating with God and finding out how to get out of this.
So either way, -it depresses me even more. Either God doesn't want me to get out of this, -or He does, and is trying to reach me, but I am such a horrible person or I'm obviously just not doing something right, because I can't seem to find my way out. It's horrible. I don't want to be depressed, I want to be a happy, normal, functioning person. I do not want to be this way. I am not being a good example to anybody. I find life meaningless and people selfish and hardly ever do I see or hear of someone who is a truly good person and who really lives for God. (My perception of people is probably skewed, -the more depressed I get the more I avoid people, so I probably don't have a good perspective.- I'm sure there are good people in the world, -I just don't see it from where I'm sitting.) To me it seems like the more selfish and ungodly someone is, the happier they are. In my mind I know that's probably wrong, -but that's the way my emotions feel.
That's another thing that bothers me- the split between my 'mind' and my 'emotions'. In my mind, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that Jesus died to save me, that He loves me beyond measure, that the only real truth or peace I will ever find is in Him and in daily seeking Him, ---I know all these things. I pray each night, -and then I wake up each morning with a complete feeling of dread, sadness, hopelessness, purposelessness, ... what am I supposed to do, -pray and read the bible 24 hours a day? I can't do that. I do have to live and function in the 'normal' world- I have to take care of my kids, interact with them, talk to my family members, shop, work, talk to people... but everywhere I go I see nothing but sadness and meaninglessness. I never used to be this way. and I hate myself for being this way.
Right now the only thing I know to do is to keep seeking the Lord, keep praying, not give up trying to find out what it is He wants me to do, -he's spoken to me before and given me guidance before and I'm going to keep on asking him to do it again- and also, this is something I've wrestled with, but I think I'm going to check into the possibility of getting on some kind of antidepressant medication- I really don't want to do that, -for some reason it makes me feel really guilty. -but if there's a possibility that the 'chemicals in my brain' aren't working right and that it might help me to climb out of this downward slope, -then maybe I should look at it as being akin to a diabetic taking their medicine, or taking antibiotics for the flu.
Thank you for this website, -one thing that does make me feel better is to know that there are other Christians who get depressed, and that I'm not alone.
God bless you.
December 17, 1999
From : Alice Weisgram
E-mail : acwaa@runeston.net
Note to Alice : I was unable to reach you at the e-mail address you provided. Please let me know if there is an error that needs correcting. Thanks, Hopeinsight
I have a tendency to withdraw,go to bed,be alone,be angry, lash out. I have had people say this,there's nothing wrong with you,you just need to getup and get going.I am in recovery from alchoholism. before I found recovery I was self medicating,when I quit using ,the depression hit like a ton of bricks.When I found that God could forgive me I had a whole new lease on life. I'm going through some difficult things today but I have wonderful friends who give me their love unconditionally,what a deal,one of them told me about your site. God is so good to us.
December 16, 1999
From : Jenny
E-mail : jpake@hotmail.com
Ever since I was about 12, I've been depressed. No diagnosis has yet been made, but I know that I'm just not happy. I know better than any doctor ever could what goes on in my head. I'm only 16, but I know I'm not happy, which is a shame. I see other people who are happy, and I get a jealous rage and wonder what they do to keep happy... how is it possible.... I have been in and out of counseling, and I am going to go back soon. I hope that it works this time.... As I am a new Christian (since August), I still have many things to learn. Sometimes I think to myself that I am not happy because God hates me and wants me to be miserable. I don't know why I still must be unhappy and lonely even though I am now obeying God.... I try to do the best I can, but I guess it's just not good enough.
December 2, 1999
From : Love Is Medicine
Before my depression I was living deep in sin! I was doing everything unmentionable. Slowly I started going through a withdrawal. I decided to go to a summer festival to quench the anguish and there I took a certain chemical drug. I felt a rush of joy and excitement. I looked into the clouds and saw the sun peeking in and out with strong, radiant rays. I knew it was God working through that drug.At that moment I called my sister on my cell phone and told her I wanted to go to church with her that Sunday. God is awesome. He works in mysterious ways. Sometimes He takes away your joy to help you realize that you are living a worldly life and you need to come to Him. I still suffer from guilt for my sins. But when I sit in church and feel the Holy Spirit stir in my body - it is better than any pain killer or drug (no side effects too!) I also surround myself with people who genuinely love me. Love is a powerful medicine for depression. There is a sweet positive energy in love! I am going to make sure there are no serious problems with me. Maybe I do have a chemical imbalance. But I ask God for guidance because our bodies are His temple! Thank You so much Hopeinsight. Now I know I am not alone! Just in case you are wondering, I am drug-free today!!
Remember - Your HELP cometh from the Lord which made the Heavens and the Earth! Think about that! He is the Master of all Minds! Trust Him that He will bring you out of the darkness :)
P.S. I also believe that depression can be a signal from God that you are in the wrong place, marraige, situation. Take a look at your surroundings and the people around you! Is it negative energy? Take the initiative to turn your life around. If you are still alive that is God pleading with you to listen to your heart :)
P.P.S. Are you eating enough meat? A lack of protein in your diet can cause depression and/or
December 6, 1999
From : Annie
E-mail : goofybabydoll@excite.com
Well I don't know where to start, I don't even know if this is depression that i'm felling, thats why i'm writing this so i can get some feedback.
For the past couple of months i fell like crawling in a hole some where and liveing the rest of my life. Away from everyone, even my husband & daughter. I don't want to be around anyone,(family & friends) I don't want to talk to people on the phone, i don't even wany to talk to the people that are my friends on the internet anymore. I don't like to go shopping for anything, afraid that if i do i will run in to some one that i know and they would want to talk, it's like when you said that you would slide down in the seat, i hide to. I don't want to leave the house, why? I don't know. i stay up real late at night, sleep during the day, if i sleep that is. I've had people ask me "what's wrong with you?" "why don't you smile?" or how about "you're wierd".
So what I need to know is what do I do next? Do I tell my doctor or do I call a "shrink"? I've prayed and prayed and don't know what to do. Help me please.....
December 6, 1999
From : Dan
E-mail : leftydsw@att.net
who really care
depression thats a under statement
is there any group that care if I have food or heat for my family.
I just don't know want to do.
can any one out there help me?
I'm going for the 3rd time and I'm gasping for air