April 30, 2001
From : Ruth
E-mail : rutheblake@hotmail.com

I am 23 years old and have struggled with depression for the last few years but over the last few months it has got worst it all started to get worst last summer when I was to come back home from United Beach Missions as I had been on a high for the 2 weeks and being with christians espeaicaly when your family are not christians and don't like the things that I get up to with my friends. I didn't really admit it for ages not untill earlier this year when I was at Young Life Bible Study and Prayer Meeting where it was just the girls and that made me go to the doctors and I was on antidepressants but they didn't work so I came off of them as they weren't working and I felt better for about day and a half then I started to go back down deeper into the pit of depression and then the thoughts of taking my life where there with nearly all the time I managed to keep them back with thoughts of how would my family and friends cope so the self-harm came back to be apart of my life. After plucking up the courage to write and tell one of my friends how I was feeling then we talked and I managed to tell her about things and she has been praying for me and also been a great surpport to me and has just been there and also got me to go back to the doctors where they told me that I could be on the broaderline of manic depression and they have got me on the waiting list for counselling but that's going to be months like everything else in the N.H.S. and alot of my friends have been great surpport for me.

April 27, 2001
From : kathy
E-mail : scream964@yahoo.com

I am 33 years old and I suffer from bipolar and clinical depression. I was brought up my whole life in church and continued to be involved as an adult until I became severly depressed and had to be hospitalized sveral times over the course of a year. Becasue "my" church thought this was a character weekness instead of a disease I was shunned. Afraid and very alone all that I had been taught was now gone because I was now an outsider in the church. So with hope or pride I clammed back up within myself just in order to live. Now 3 years later I have developed a deep hunger and thrist for more of God. But I am afraid of putting myself in another position to be hurt. I am wanting to step out but with all honesty if they can't stand behind me bad times and good I don't need them. I will attend a "new" church this month so wish me luck and please send your prayers up on my behalf. God is still on the throne even though I might be hiding in the closet !!!

April 25, 2001

I don't really have a story to share right now but I wanted to share this poem I wrote in hopes it may help someone else

Depression
Depression is not a sin,
it's a pit some fall in.
The trials of life the result of strife,
but depression is not a sin.
So please don't stand and judge
others stuck in the sludge because
depression is not a sin.

April 25, 2001
From : Pat

I'm a 51 yr. old woman, married with 3 grown children.My husband is very good to me..hard working , doesn't drink..is a good person. I have had touble with depression off and on for over 15 years. 2 years ago I went for help at the hospital that I worked at (a CNA) and ended up admitting myself to a psyc. unit for suicidal feelings. After being treated with ECT, medication and a lot of prayers, I was able to go back to work..at a different job, 14 months ago.

In the last month, I have felt all the symptoms beginning to come back to me...and it makes me feel scared and empty. I will be totally honest and say I have a hard time even praying right now. I feel God knows this and has not left me, though.It takes all my effort to concentrate and not give in to just living in a space in my mind where no one bothers me.....

I am making the effort to smile and talk so my husband doesn't get scared that I will end up back in the hospital,, but I like to either sit here alone or sleep, where my dreams are better than real life...

Please , say a prayer for me..and tomorrow I will make a call to get some help...Pat

April 17, 2001
E-mail : manager@shadypalmvillas.com

hi my name is tony i have bypolar.i guess any thing that shows me my need for faith cant be all bad,this web site makes me feel better about the illness i think the bible says his strenth is made perfect in our weakness.thanks for this web site its a blessing.

April 15, 2001
From : Dawn

I can not really describe it, but depression for me is like being locked inside of myself, dying to get out. I have been suffering from major depression since my teen years. I am now in my very late 20's and it is something I fight everyday. I have tried to commit suicide several times. I was admitted in the hospital twice, once at the age of 21 and the other last year. Right now I am on Paxil and I feel like I am trapped on it. Everytime I try to stop taking it, I experience severe dizziness, extreme moodiness and confusion.

There are several things that bother me about what others think of depression. Number one is the fact that I am just suffering from the "blues" and everyone does. Number two, I am just looking for attention. Number three, I must not be trusting in God enough or else I wouldn't feel this way.

I would just like to say that clinical depression is not just the "blues" and it does not just go away. Also, if I was looking for attention, I definitely would not purposely choose depression. As far as trusting God goes, His love is the only way I continue to function from day to day. I know that the only way I can find comfort is to constantly seek the comfort and love of God. When I am feeling in an extreme sad state, I find that prayer and quiet time with the Lord really helps. There are times when I just sit and cry for hours but suddenly I feel the presence of the Lord and I know that He cares.

I will just continue to trust in the Lord. My favorite bible verse is Isa:40:31: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength they shall mount up with wings as eagles they shall run, and not be weary and they shall walk, and not faint. God knows what He is doing in my life. His love will continue to sustain me.

April 4, 2001
From : lost soul

Hi, I have not much of a story but I know for a fact I am depressed. One major symptom is oversleeping and not wanting to wake up on time. Loss of interest in all activities is another. Though I used to be fun loving and a joker, I can only be like that to certain people whom I can click with, not just anyone,and it is unfortunate that my current work place do not consist of those certain people whom I can gel with. My relationship with colleauges appears fine, I appear normal too. But deep inside, I can't develop close friendships with them for some wierd reason. Also I have no time to keep up with those old friends whom I was once so happy with.

Needless to say, unlike most other depressive people, I know the coause of my depression. Loneliness. Though not exactly alone as I have to meet people everyday, I am still lonely. And being single does not help too. And being single could be the cause. I seem to think that maybe I'd have it better if I were divorced or have chidren like some of these other depressive people here cos at least they have company...or have had company. I know I am wrong but I can't help thinking that Mr Wrong is better than no one at all..which is so in my case. I started dating at a later age than my peers thinking that patience was a virtue..supposedly according to God's will only to be fooled by some complete jerk who calls himself a Christian...a relationship of 5 months just went down the drain. I began to feel so doubtful about why the Lord allow this to happen. I found myself scolding Him like never before telling Him that all the nonsense I went through did not amke me stronger but has made me more selfish.

Depression has led to lack of self esteem too. Though people say I am attractive, i do not think so and find it so hard to accept compliments. Subconciously I don't want to accept because I fear that the compliment will beocme my "crutch" and basis of building self-esteemn as it was in previous years. THis crutch, when once lost or knowing u have to share this "cruth" i.e compliment with many other people, would lead to even more depression and who knows...envy.

At 18 I based my self esteem on male attention and of course, my then radiant looks. At 22 however, there are so many younger faces around me now, who are getting the attnetion that I once had, before meeitng that stinking jerk of an ex...and I feel so forgotten.

Yes, envy is ruling my life as a result of depression. And I say and do things I normally wouldn't so in the past...like acting bitchily and resenting female company (which unfortuantely makes up, 80% of work place)

Wierd eating disorders too. Sometimes I would eat like a glutton..other times, I could go without breakfast and luch from 9 to 5. No drastic weight changes, though.

And how has it affected my Christian life? In lots of ways. Sometimes i feel tempted to leave God and I feel he was mean to make me wait so long and patiently to find a partner and only to realise that he(the partner) was cheating on me.

And I lose interest in everything EXCEPT (surprisingly) sex, though I am thankfully a virgin but do face tmeptations and frustrations more often than usual...except that I don't even get a chance to be tempted in the first place due to the lack of males in my life.

Best of all, I DON"T want to be like this. I've tried so many remedies like Lavender oils and camomile only to have efects and negative thoughts coming back to me. The thought of me being old and alone forever plagues me every now and then. Leading to a vicious cycle.

And best of all...this is just the beginning..........

 

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