Read What Others Have Shared
(May 2000)

There Is Hope In Knowing That You Are Not Alone

May 31, 2000
E-mail : jlhkst19@aol.com

i am 27 years old ,i have three chidren one girl she is 10 & two boys 7 & 3. i don't know what to do with myself a lot i just want to be left alone & cry , but then again i hate being alone . go figure i need a lot of help i know i do . i'm on medications to help me but they are not working i feel i can't do anything right so whats the sense of tring help i need some friends like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A note from Hopeinsight
I wrote this e-mail to the person who sent in the above story but it was returned to me as undeliverable. Maybe there's a typo in the e-mail address, I'm not sure but since I really want her to read what I wrote to her I am posting it here instead.

Hello friend,

Since you didn't leave your name may I call you friend? I'm 42 now but when I was your age I had 3 young children too. Let me tell you 3 reasons for you to keep on trying....your 3 children. I know you probably think that your children would have a better life without you since all you feel like doing is crying. Believe me I know because that is what I used to think every night when I went to bed. I'd lay there and try to get up the nerve to take every bottle of pills I could find and put an end to everybody's misery. But every time I would think that way God would always bring the image of my children to my mind. He would make me realize what a terrible example I would leave my children with...if life gets too tough, just end it all. I also realized the burden that I'd be sticking them with for the rest of their lives. Always wishing they could have done something to save me...blaming themselves, etc.

I am glad to be your friend, especially because I used to be and still am like you. I need to update my web site about my depression because since I first wrote it 2 years ago I have had several relapses with depression. If your medication isn't working it's time to go back to your doctor. Do you see a General Practitioner for your depression or a Psychiatrist? The reason I ask is because I used to go to our family doctor when I first got depression, but it turned out he didn't know a whole lot about Mental Health. Then I ended up finding a good Psychiatrist who I've been seeing ever since. I know that the thought of seeing a Psychiatrist seems like admitting that you're crazy. But that's just one of those things that just isn't true. Psychiatrists aren't for "crazy" people, but they are doctor's just like any other doctor except they specialize in the field of Mental Health.

I have started to pray for you. Please write to me whenever you feel like you are alone. You are NOT alone. There are LOTS of people like us. The worst thing to do is keep it all inside.

I will go post your story on my site now. You will be able to read it in a few minutes on the page titled : Read What Others Have Shared, May 2000.

In His Light,
Hopeinsight

P.S. Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem.

May 30, 2000
From : Martian
E-mail : Martian_50@hotmail.com

Hi, I am Martian:

I'm glad there is a place,where christian people like me can go talk about depression. I have suffered with clinical depression as far back as I can remember, ever since early childhood. The Lord has kept me alive all this time. There have been so many times when it seemed there was no reason to keep going. I'd even made suicide attempts (before I became a christian). I'd lost so many hours on the job I had, before this one I now have, until I couldn't even pay the rent. So my two children and I ended up homeless. We had to move to another city because I couldn't get work where we were no matter what I did (and yes, I prayed,too). The move wasn't a better one. At first it seemed as though everything was going to work out, but after awhile things just took a turn for the worse. We moved to this particular city because of a church radio program we had been listening to on the radio. It sounded like a good church however, after we arrived we found that the ministry wasn't what we'd hoped it to be. We'd figured if we found a good church everything else would fall in line. Well, nothing did. The school my children ended up attending has one of the highest dropout rates in the state (unknown to us at the time), the "new " job has fizzled down to less than 24 hours a week and the employer didn't come up with the promised $6.00 an hour rate. And yes, I'd prayed about where to move. We haven't been able to find a good bible-believing church anywhere in this state. We are looking for a church with anointing and a real working knowledge of the bible. So, a job that's keeping us in poverty, lack and debt, a school that isn't preparing my children for college (they both want to go) and we live in a bad area of town because I can't afford to live in a better locale, and unable to find a church that spiritually feeds us...this isn't helping. I was diagnosed as having clinical depression in 95' also PTSD and dissociative identity disorder. What a mess. Please pray for me. I feel like I am hanging on by a tiny thread.

May, 28, 2000
From : Linda
E-mail : ZENOSSW480@MSN.COM

I SHARED MY STORY IN APRIL BUT REALIZED I GAVE THE WRONG E-MAIL ADDRESS SO HERE IS THE RIGHT ONE. I HAVE STARTED BACK ON MEDS.A MONTH AGO(PAXIL) I AM FEELING ALOT BETTER AND NO LONGER FEEL AS IF I'D LIKE TO DIE, AT LEAST NOT EVERY DAY. I CONTINUE TO ATTEND CHURCH BUT HAVE A SOCIAL PHOBIA WHICH MAKES ME FEEL ISOLATED. I'M AFRAID OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME EVEN OTHER CHRISTIANS. I'M THINKING OF GOING FOR A GRIEF RECOVERY GROUP AT CHURCH I FEEL I CAN'T GET CLOSE TO GOD AFTER ALL THE LOSS I'VE HAD IN MY LIFE. SOMEHOW I'M ANGRY AT HIM FOR ALLOWING IT. PRAY FOR ME AND E-MAIL IF YOU HAVE THE TIME. I'D LIKE TO HAVE A CHRISTIAN PENPAL. GOD BLESS. LINDA.

May, 14, 2000
From : Faye

Hi everybody, I *just* surfed in today and found this area. I've also read many a stories here and can identify alot with all of you(was sexually abused at 10,ect.) Not long ago, my normal was to go to work, then come home, go to work, then come home, you get the ideal-basically I stayed in my own world to avoid getting hurt or judged by others. I still do but am slowing coming around. I have been through a couple of group depression programs and am on my third shrink. I honestly don't know how to change- I only know God can change me. The people at church feel sorry for me and pray for me. Others at church have admitted to me that they, too, have been depressed in the past. My youngest son died 4 years ago. This has only added to my depression. Yes, I am an overcomer and have admitted to others-if it wasn't for my faith and hope in Jesus, I might have been in a worse way. Still, my so called " happiness" had taken another nosedive. My husband wants to see me happy...but I don't know how to be happy-at least I know this sadness and all my tears will be wiped away in Heaven by God-then and perhaps only then-will I discover how to once again be happy. Intil then-I live and let live. (((hugs to all here who are hurting))) Faye

May 7, 2000
From : Martian
E-mail : Martian_50@hotmail.com

For everyone who is feeling like there is no hope,remember: God has loved you with an everlasting love he says to you, "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you-plans to give you hope and a future! Also, He has said, Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed nor afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, yes, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand! And when you feel you can go on no longer remember what the Psalmist David wrote "He has become my strength and my song", for it is in the Lord that you and I have RIGHTEOUSNESS and STRENGTH.You and I are more than conquerors through Him (our dear Savior Jesus) who loves us. Your-sister-in-Christ, Martian

May 3, 2000
From : Kay
E-mail : kathrynneann@ibelieve.com

Hi, my name is Kay and I am in my late 30's. I have gone through a lot in my life, have survived two life threatening illnesses, viral encephalitis, at age 2 with an emergency tracheotomy and Hodgkin's Disease from age 24-26. The chemo set me into premature menopause at age 32 and I am not able to have kids as a result, but I am alive and that is what is most important. In addition to depression, I have post-traumatic stress disorder and panic disorder. Depression for me feels like a dark empty void. My heart feels empty. I have been a christian all my life and there is just something missing. The pain is deep and only God knows the depth of my sorrow that seems to cut me like a knife inside out. For years I have dismissed my depression and have rose above my feelings, hiding behind my tears so no one could see my pain.

What has made things really akward for me is the way my family treats me. My mom and my brother know that the chemo set me into premature menopause yet in the past have harped on me to try to get pregnant, (like my sex life with my husband is any of their business), throwing salt to an open wound and only deepening the level of the pain I feel due to the fact that I cannot have kids. Other times, when people find out that I have depression, I am treated with kid gloves, people walk around me like they are on eggshells it really is distressing.

Depression is an illness, I am in therapy and on medication and the meds help but the emdr therapy that I am doing is what is helping me the most, getting to the root of when the depression began, for me, as a young child, (about 6 or 7 years old). I did not go on medication until September of last year, was afraid to see a psychiatrist for fear that he would think that I was crazy.

If I had heart disease I would be on heart medication, well the same thing for depression. Right now I am in the midst of my depression and feel very empty and lost inside. I know that God is bigger than any problem or situation that I face and that He has not brought me this far to drop me. His grace alone is what keeps me going. When I feel like I am struggling I read the psalms and personalize them, substituting my name for "you or me". Also this Bible verse helps me "I have chosen you and not rejected you do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

When I can no longer do things on my own....(very self-reliant....like to do things on my own) I realize my own weaknesses and cry out to God for help and He taks me by the hand and upholds me....keeps me going. I love God so very much. I would be nothing without God and His Son Jesus in my life.

I feel that all of us have some cross to bear and we can all help one another out by sharing our journey with others. This scripture verse has always spoken to me, "...."The God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows" 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 And the gift of God's Love goes on and God's kingdom is spread to others on earth.

 

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