Read What Others Have Shared
(June 2000)

There Is Hope In Knowing That You Are Not Alone

June 29, 2000
From: Bruce Lantto
E-mail : blantto@hotmail.com

Dear HopeinSight. Hello my friends in Christ, I found your website by surfing for the topic Christian/Depression, because I have been suffering from depression for 3 years. Let me tell you that it has been a battle. Doubt,Hatred of myself, hatred of family, suicide, despair.I shut myself off from people in church, no reading the Bible, no praying, no church attendance. It has been a struggle to keep my head above water. I don't like feeling helpless and being separated from family and friends, people tried to help but telling a depressed person he is being selfish, not having enough faith in God, you get what you speak out in your words.Also christians should never be depressed. I want people to know that depression is not just my fault, it has many symptoms that are uncontollable. I can't reall say that I have learned anything yet because I am just starting to realize that I can't beat depression by myself, I need help from God and Christians, I need someone to talk to. I have been reading the Psalms and I have found a few verses that I am not sure How they apply to me and how they can help me beat depression.I would like very much to have someone to talk to and someone who can be a friend in any way and situation. I need help in getting started towards recovery, and anyone who wants to write, be they male or female, I would like to talk to them and find out how they are beating, with God's help, this problem. Sincerely Yours in Christ Jesus. Bruce Lantto Psalms 61:1-4. Thank You for being there for me and others.THANK YOU

June 14, 2000

I have read others stories but it's not like mine. Maybe it's just me. I have a 14 month old that i raise on my own. I'm 22, maybe I'm just young. I just think that there's nobody out there for me. I"m maybe just to hard on myself. But when her father and me tried to work things out. I find out that he was seeing some one else. LOoks don't matter but she looks like a man. i wonder what's so wrong with me. BEfore we tried to work things out this guy I had been seeing dump me for someone else to. Her father And I had been broke up for months before this. why is that every guy I date don't want me. I hadn't felt this for about 4yrs. Why is this is God punishing me for something? This is wrong to some people but I prayed to God if Her father And i was ment to be to give me a sign. A month later I found out Iwas expecting in april of "99. Was this his sign becase I wanted a child. My depression started after we broke up because he was my only friend. I had no-one to talk to.

June 12, 2000
From : Debra
E-mail : jstme617@yahoo.com

Hello everyone, My name is Debra, I am 42 years old. I have suffered from depression since I was 12 years old. Only recently have I started medication for it. The only thing I can say is different because of the medication is that I am not crying all the time. Other than that I still feel hopeless, extremely unhappy, and alone. I have actually gotten used to this feeling. It is I guess safe and comfortable if you go thru life only feeling depressed, and not feeling anything else. I was an addict, God delivered me. I cannot get past the guilt I feel from that. I was able to turn my life around and I now have a very good job (I am greatful for). I am able to be a mother to my children. (as an addict no matter how functional you are you cannot be a good mother) I have so much to be thankful for and I am. I still cannot break this depression, I know that part of it has to do with trama that happened when I was young, (I have gone to christian counseling for it and tried to work it out.) The other part is no matter how hard I try I cannot forgive myself. I do not feel worthy of anything. To make matters worse, last year my sister passed away from an overdose of prescription pain medication. She was addicted for over three years, leaving me a blessing of two more children, ( I now have 5) three of my own and my sisters two. I am a single mother, life just gets harder and harder. I thank God for the children they are a blessing although the added stress of having two mourning children that I really do not know is very hard. The stress of trying to make my children understand why they have to share me is almost unbearable. I know that I must have Gods grace, because I do not think I am strong enough to handle this. I think the reason I felt the need to write this is because, everytime I try to worship or pray I get an (I suppose) vision. I am shown in a room with no windows or doors sitting in the corner of the room in the dark. I am not afraid, or lonely. I can see light coming in thru cracks, I do not try to get out, I know that God is the light surrounding the room. He either cannot or willnot get inside. I either cannot or willnot come outside to him. So as you can probably tell although I do have the faith of a mustardseed, I feel my prayers are bouncing off the atmosphere and going nowhere. I feel completely isolated from God. I have tried many times to change this I just get worse. I have counseled with Pastors, and Christian counslers nothing helps. Anyway, I was hoping that maybe someone who either suffered or suffers may have some insight or I might give some. I would love to hear your input. Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Debra
jstme617@yahoo.com

June 11, 2000
From : Pamela
E-mail : sweetpeach6@theglobe.com

I was just recently diagnosed with manic depression after having a nervous breakdown in November of 1999. It has been the hardest 7 months of my life. The only person who understood was my mother who is also a manic depressive. I am still trying to deal with all the contributing factors that caused my depression, the most important being my husband's affair with my best friend. We are still together and working on things but my illness is just making things worse. He does not understand depression and what it does to me, so i am not getting the support at home that I need so desperately. I also have 3 small boys, aged 7, 6 and 2. It is so hard to hide it from them. Sometimes I have to keep everything inside, which only makes matters worse. I have gone on numerous sites trying to get the support I don't get from family and friends. I don't blame them, I know they don't understand, but I can't go through this alone. I have put my life in God's hands, and I know He will help me find my way back from the depths. I am on the prayer list at my church, but I haven't been going lately as I don't like going anywhere or seeing anyone.
Thank you Hopeinsight, first for answering my question at Askme.com, but also for telling me about your sight.

June 6, 2000
From : JB

Right now I am not able to share my whole story because I am just realizing after 30 years of depression ,it is not totally my fault. For the first time in thirty years I didn't blame myself . So I just want to share a book that I feel deep in my heart was from the hand of God in helping me to understand all of this darkness and depression. If it is not a blessing to you I am sure Jesus Christ will send another token of mercy to you because He is OUR GOOD SHEPHERD not the hired hand. Please do not give up. I truly never thought God would answer me because I blamed myself. I have dealt with the sins that were my fault and have taken responsibility for them but this demon of depression is something different especially if you have an obssessive or over sensitive conscious that he can use as his hiding place but just remember Jesus is YOUR Good Shepherd .He is not the hired hand working for the shepherd. He is YOUR SHEPHERD even when it feels so opposite . I also take medication and struggled with the failure over not having enough faith. But today I thank God that medication can also be His servant just as much as the wind and air we breathe. So please my friends let us hang on a little longer because He will Command HIS Loving Kindness toward us in the morning and give us a song in the night. Psalm 42. The name of the book is Beyond Depression (A pratical guide for healing despair) by Andrew Canale> If something in this book confuses you please be kind to yourself and let God lead you to another. We are all blessed in different ways So be gentle toward yourself, Please.

 

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