From a post at: IMSSF.

Funny Things To Think About...

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...

I must always remember that I am unique, just like everone else.

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!

I think everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that some of us don't have any film.

I believe that 5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

I don't have a solution, but, I admire your problem.

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what is a fog horn made out of?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit...what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?!

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

Is the hardness of the butter proportional to the softness of the bread?

What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

Signs of Growing Old...

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You keep repeating yourself.

You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

Your children begin to look middle aged.

You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

You mind makes contacts your body can't meet.

You look forward to a dull evening.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."

You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

You keep repeating yourself.

You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and isn't breaking any laws.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You make an appointment to see the dentist.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

You have a dream about prunes.

You answer a quwstion with, "Because I said so."

You send monry to PBS.

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of you pants.

You take a metal detectot to the beach.

You wear black socks with sandals.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV.

Your ears and nose are hairier than your head.

You get in a heated argument about pension plans.

You got cable for the Weather Channel (sometimes called "Old Folks MTV").

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

If a young girl looks at you, you check to make sure you remembered to put on your pants.

You repeat yourself.

You discover bifocals are stylish.

Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time.
You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

Conversations with people your own age often turn into "deuling ailments."

People don't hassle you anymore when you take an afternoon nap.