SOME YEARS ago, Dr Henry Cohen, the well-known rabbi, asked my opinion of a short manuscript. "A boy sent it from Europe, hoping you could sell it for him," he said. "I haven't had time to read it."

After I had read only a few paragraphs, it was apparent that the article had been copied from a travel folder. But I didn't say so. I hedged. "I don't know about this," I said. "I'll send it to my agent for you."

Rabbi Cohen scanned the pages as I handed them back. After a minute he looked at me in surprise. "Do you mean to tell me you'd take the time and trouble to send this to New York, and impose on a man there to read it and write you a letter, only to have to return in a week or so to tell me what you can tell me now?" he asked incredulously. My embarrassment must have been apparent, because he smiled gently. "Always remember this," he said. "Honesty is the world's greatest labor-saving device."

I thought about his advice for some time afterward. For how long, I kept asking myself, had I been engaging in deceptions that were squandering precious time and irreplaceable energies- both mine and those of others? And all under the virtuous cloak of diplomacy. Gradually, I came to realize that honesty is more than just a labor-saving device:it is the ultimate of economy in ALL human relations. For example:

Honesty Saves Time.

I'm often interrupted by telephone calls from strangers offering everything from "free" dancing lessons to "free" cemetery lots. There was a time when I remained mute during such calls, listening to a memorized speech that took valued minutes and left me frustrated and resentful. Now, however, I interrupt my caller immediately. "It wouldn't be fair to take your time," I say, "when I already know I'm not interested." And I hang up.

A couple I know made a New Year's resolution to be completely honest in their social life. "It all began with a friend calling every Monday morning to make plans with us for the following weekend," the wife explained. "I'd say okay-whether we wanted to see them or not-because I could never come up with a quick excuse. Then my husband and I would spend all week trying to figure out a way to cancel. We finally realized that it is all right to refuse any invitation."

Honesty Is Good Manners.

Some months ago, at a club meeting, I heard an exchange student speak glowingly about his year in our country. "But there's one thing I still don't understand," he added. "Americans often promise more than they deliver. 'Come to see me,' they're always saying, or 'we must get together.' Yet few follow up. Everybody seems to want to be a good guy, but I find their dishonesty unkind. Maybe it's meant to be good manners, but it turns out to be bad manners."

An honest question deserves an honest answer-that's only common courtesy. A neighbor of ours recently acquired a new puppy. She called a veterinarian's office three times, but her calls were not returned. Finally, on the fourth call, she asked the receptionist outright,"Do you think the doctor already has too many patients?" A silence hung in the air. Then the receptionist said. "You've been frank, so I'll be frank. Yes, I think the doctor has more patients now than he can properly handle. If I were you, I'd call one of the younger doctors at a less-established animal clinic."

Honesty Saves Needless Contriving.

A friend of mine recently underwent the chores of moving. As the movers were gathering their barrels and boxes, she realized she hadn't seen a valuable vase. Carefully, the four men went through every barrel of excelsior, every box of papers, while my friend and her young daughter searched closets and cupboard shelves. After an hour, on the verge of giving up, the woman's eyes caught the gleam of a bit of crystal on the kitchen floor. The girl looked at her mother and burst into tears. "I dropped it early this morning," she confessed. My friend was distressed over the loss of a treasure, naturally. But she was more distressed over the unnecessary trouble her child had caused. "You have wasted an hour for six people," she pointed out. "That's six hours-almost a day's work." The girl wiped her eyes.
"But I think I learned a lesson, Mother," she said. "If the truth hurts, putting it off only hurts worse."

Honesty Generates Trust.

A little boy who greatly feared the sight of blood was taken to a dentist to have a tooth pulled. Both his father and the dentist assured him there would be no blood. There was, of course, and the child was outraged. Now an 80-year-old man, he said to me, "I remember it to this day. Parents shouldn't lie to children even if they think it's for their own good. Lies deteriorate relationships, can ruin them permanently."

Honesty Brings Inner Peace.

When she first went to Hollywood, an actress I know posed as a foreigner in an effort to appear more glamorous. "I knew nothing but hectic days and sleepless nights," she told me. "It was a horrible existence--trying to be what you're not." One day a columnist told her he knew the truth and was going to release the story. "The fact that people really believe you're British proves that you're a good actress," he said. "But you can't continue running scared. Because if you do, you won't have energy left for your real profession." The actress said that she would be grateful to the columnist for the rest of her life. "He forced me to admit the truth, and the truth set me free."

A final word of warning about honesty:solicited or unsolicited, it should never be confused with rude, intrusive comment.
"Aggressively outspoken people get satisfaction from saying that they don't like your new dress or your new chair," a minister told me. "Worse, there are those who say they wouldn't be your friend if they didn't tell you something ugly that was said about you. In my work, I sometimes have to tell a hard truth. But I don't do it unless I'm absolutely certain it's meant in a loving way. The rule I use-and think anyone could use-is to refuse to employ painful honesty unless the unpleasant task breaks my own heart. Hence, I'll never wound to gain feelings of self-righteousness or superiority. Or to punish someone I really don't like."

From time to time, each of us should step back and take a look at our daily lives. Are we wasting time and energy carrying out deceptions, both polite and impolite? Having stepped back myself, I have learned that being honest is not a talent, not an art, not even a skill. It is a habit. And like the forming of most habits, this one requires concentration and practice. But once formed, it is as rewarding as a good-luck coin-for truth lies on one side, well-being on the other.(#)