My road to emotional healing about my disability really began when I was 13 years old. That year (1986) I had major surgery on my hips and entered a world of psychological mystery (for details of my physical condition click here). I thought time would heal the psychological paranoia (characterized for me by nightmares and a fight or flight reaction to the smell of alcohol or a siren sound) I now found myself in but this was not the case. Seven years later a psychologist would suggest that I begin to be allowed to be in charge of my body and what was done to or with it. This seemed to be a real key to healing for me.
In 1986 I had the privilege of meeting Joni Eareckson Tada in a radio interview that was set up for me as a surprise by my local radio station.
Parenthetically I would like to mention that my Christian Radio station was vitally important to me in my recovery periods from surgery. We would tape hours of music for me to listen to at the hospital and it could be documented that my pain medication was lowered as a result of me listening to that music. The programming would also keep my mind actively busy when I returned home and could not do much else.
Joni became a quadriplegic in a diving accident in 1967 and had been able to turn her life totally over to God's direction and control thus making her a worldwide advocate and encouragement for disabled people.
Joni's books had been around our house from the time I can remember and though I was to young to understand fully everything she said theologically, I was strongly drawn to her and her story. A year later my mom and I would travel to her Southern California office to have lunch with her.
Around the time I was 16 my aunt, who lives in LA, sent me a newspaper article about Joni and the ministry she had begun. Part of it was a criticism of her for not hiring more disabled people, which she responded to by stating that there were not many disabled people trained for disability ministry. Neither one of us said anything to the other but at that moment both my mom and I felt that someday I would be part of that ministry.
In October of 1992 I went forward publicly at a missions conference telling the Lord that I desired to use my life to serve Him full time. In March of 1993 I went back to Spokane on Spring Break and attended the Christian Workers Conference where Joni was a keynote speaker. While I was there I picked up Joni's latest book, When Is It Right to Die, which was an excellent discussion of the euthanasia controversy.
In April, after I returned to school I received a letter from Joni and Friends inviting me to their Institute on the Church and Disability to train leaders in disability ministry. I was thrilled.
Finally that summer I had time to read When Is It Right to Die and I had an extraordinary experience. In the book was the statement "God can take care of you" which spoke right to my heart. At that moment I determined that I was going to stop living under a cloud of fear and trust God to take care of me, no matter what might happen medically. I felt a freedom like I had never felt before and a few days later I made this experience public at a support group I attended. All this happened on my 20 th birthday, July 13, 1993. A few days after my public declaration my brother was carrying me up some non-carpeted stairs when he stumbled and dropped me. When I fell my glasses cut my nose causing an extreme amount of blood to flow. It was if the Lord were testing me, asking me if I really meant what I had openly declared a few days before. Amazingly, I was able to be calm and collected through the whole ordeal. I even voluntarily went to the doctors after I had caught my breath! Thankfully, my nose was not broken and I did not require stitches. I lived with two black eyes for about three weeks but I had no pain. I was so thrilled with the faith and peace the Lord had given me when I needed it.
In October I took eight days off of school and attended The Institute on Church and Disability. There were 30 of us that attended from around the world and it was a milestone time for me. Although I was in school I was not used to sitting for so many hours of the day, so it didn't take long for my back muscles to give out. I was in a great deal of pain and since I had never had an experience like this before, I didn't know what to do. God ordained it that one of the members of the group was a Physical Therapist and so she helped me with ideas on how to help my back muscles. When I was young I dealt a lot with therapist and didn't care much for them. In fact I think it would be safe to say I had developed a real complex toward them! However, God was taking steps in the process of healing my heart and this was definitely one of them. The Institute was designed to train disability leaders but God had a different plan for me. Here I was, the youngest (at 21) in a group of 30, where I was loved and respected like I had never been before.
Approximately three years past until I had anymore contact with Joni and Friends. During that time the Lord gave me an effective tool to be able to share my personal relationship with Him with others.
In the summer of 1997 my mom was taking classes to get her Master’s Degree at an extension site in Spokane and one day at class she pulled my manual wheelchair out of the back of our van to get something. Another lady there noticed the wheelchair and they began to talk. One thing led to another and they both realized that they had a connection to Joni and Friends. The lady's name was Care Tuk and at that time she was representing the Pacific Northwest for the program Wheels for the World as a Chair Corp Area Representative. It took the two of us awhile to get together but when we did we recognized this meeting as God’s hand. In March of '98 Care was called upon by Joni and Friends to represent Wheels for the western part of the U.S. She then turned to me and asked me to take on her job of the Northwest. I was eager to do so, but wasn’t sure I had the proper training. Her response of "Don’t worry, nobody does!" didn’t make me feel a whole lot better! I really felt like she wanted more than I was ready for, but I also was hearing the voice of God. That month we received word that there would be meetings conducted in mid April in Dallas, Texas for Wheels representatives. Also in late March was the Christian Workers Conference here in Spokane, which has become one of the largest in the nation. It was on the last day of that conference that God really began speaking to me and planting a vision in my heart. I began to see how vital it is that disabled people be given a place to serve in the Body of Christ. They truly are members of His Body. I am fortunate to have a tremendous support system in my family and friends that gives me a drive to fight the battle for as long as it takes for people to recognize that God has given me something to offer them. Now it was time for me to be a support so that others would gain the drive they need as well. I realized that Wheels was the tool the Lord had given me to carry out that vision. For that reason I needed to go to Dallas, Texas for those training meetings.
Through the training I found out in more detail about the mission of Joni and Friends and discovered that part of their ministry is specifically to see disabled people become leaders in ministering to other disabled people. I was amazed at how much this meshed together with the vision God had laid on my heart before. I was definitely hearing his clear call. A couple of weeks before I left for Dallas the folks at Joni and Friends called and asked if I would be on a panel interview during their Presidential Retreat, which was to be held immediately after the Wheels training to show supporters of the ministry how Joni and Friends is fulfilling their mission statement and affecting lives. The night before the interview I was laying on my hotel bed writing out answers for what I had been told they were going to ask me. When I got to the question, "What is your vision for ministry?" I began to shake and cry. I couldn’t believe what the Lord was doing. He was calling me to serve my "native" people – those with disabilities. I was feeling His call as strongly as I had ever felt before. I think I had known since I was a teenager that my "place" was with disabled people but I wanted to be sure that it was His call and not just my own emotion. A special song that had been used for a retreat I was a part of the previous October kept reverberating through my head (and didn’t leave for several days). Its chorus goes like this:
Here I am Lord.
Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go Lord,
If you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I realized that disabled people are my people and I am being called to hold them in my heart as much as a person might be called to be a "native" missionary. Is it so surprising that my three closest friends are all disabled and that when I see a child with the same disease as I have I feel like they have become part of me? Hmmm…God has been working all my life to this end. It’s just that Dallas, Texas was where I heard His clear (and most recent) call.
A few months after my trip to Texas I realized that I would have to rewrite the chorus to say:
Here I am Lord.
It is I Lord
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go Lord,
As you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
Following God's will is a day by day process that can only been seen in short segments. I try to hold people in my heart in a very individualized and personalized way; not according to a program but rather according to people's needs. With some I get to use my counseling skills and help them find new life in Christ. I get e-mails as a result of this website from people who tell me they have had similar experiences to the ones I have shared and we rejoice together in our common bond of suffering. I have learned over the years that the most powerful form of counseling is a listening ear and although it is difficult and at times time consuming I attempt to share that part of me with all I come in contact with.
To learn more specifics about Wheels and the organization Joni and Friends go to the Joni and Friends site by clicking here. 
Another ministry I have found extremely helpful as I reach out to others and deal with my own personal disability "issues" is Mariposa. That ministry is based on peer counseling and you can link to their incredible site by clicking here.
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