ANOTHER ONE?

YOU KNOW YOU ARE JAPANESE IF...
1. You`re obsessed with you hair, your car, and your clothes
2. You want to marry a Korean America or Chinese American woman (males);
or you want to marry a white guy (females).
3. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF...
1. You smoke and drink too much.
2. You`re actually sorry that Margaret Cho`s sitcom was canceled.
3. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE CHINESE IF...
1. You think you`re the smartest people in the world.
2. You have a pager and cellular phone with you at all times.
3. Today`s steamed rice is tomorrow`s fried rice.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE VIETNAMESE IF...
1. You`ve gotta have fish sauce with every meal.
2. You eat at a restaurant that has "Pho."
3. You have some relative who is Chinese.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE FILIPINO IF...
1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you have a day job as a nurse, a security guard, or an accountant.
2. A member of your family back home is a politician or a movie star.
3. You`re not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were black.
4. You don`t care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, because being Filipino is just cool in itself.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF...
1. People want to pay you for sex.
2. No matter what you eat, it`s not greasy or spicy enough.
3. You`re not afraid of black people, because in some cases you`re just as dark as they are.
4. You know in your heart that you will never be superior to all other Asians, but you`ve learned to live with it.

YOU KNOW YOUR LAOS IF...
1.people ask you "what is laos?"
2.you date, or chill with almost every race...
3.your 1/4 this, 1/3 that and 1/2 this...and if your not then you pretend you are...
4.you think sticky rice was invented in Laos...
5. It don't matter if your superior cause your 1/2 this 1/4 that 1/3> this...

YOU KNOW YOUR CAMBODIAN IF...
1.you always need to be in some kind of gang...and if your not then you make up one (males)
2.you sound foby no matter what (ladies)
3.people mistaken you for black, or indian.
4.you blame the viets for everything thats wrong.
5.You Know your superior to all other asians.

YOU KNOW YOU`RE NOT ASIAN IF...
1. You`re from India

HOW TO BE A "COOL" ASIAN
1) DYE YOUR HAIR...REDDISH BROWN FOR BEST RESULTS (BUT THEN AGAIN,BLONDE TURNS OUT TO BE REDDISH-BROWN ANYWAY).
2) YOU MUST DRIVE AN ACURA INTEGRA OR HONDA CIVIC (STICK SHIFT FOR DA FELLOWS--IT`S A TESTOSTERONE THANG).
3) NEVER WEAR GLASSES OUT OF CLASS--ONLY FOBS CAN DO SO (COLORED CONTACTS ARE REQUIRED).
4) GIRLS, WEAR DARK LIPSTICK (THE BROWNER THE COOLER--NO MATTER IF YOU END UP LOOKIN LIKE YOU STUFFED YOUR FACE IN CHOCOLATE).
5) TO ACHIEVE THE NATURAL LOOK, APPLY LAYERS AND LAYERS OF MAKE-UP ON...IF IT STARTS TO LOOK UNNATURAL (HEAVEN FORBID) JUST APPLY ANOTHER LAYER.

6) CURL YOUR EYELASHES TILL THEY TOUCH YOUR EYELIDS.
7) NEVER BE CAUGHT DEAD IN A GROUP OF LESS THAN 10.
8) ONLY ASSOCIATE W/ FELLOW YELLOWS.
9) WHEN YOU WANT TO SPEAK ABOUT A NON-ASIAN INFRONT OF THEIR FACE,SPEAK YOUR OWN LANGUAGE VERY LOUDLY AND RUDELY.

11) NEVER BE ON TIME WHEN MEETING FRIENDS.
13) A PAGER IS A LIFE NECESSITY. (OR A CELL PHONE..OR BOTH).
14) ONLY WEAR CLOTHES IN THE EXCITING SHADES OF BLACK AND WHITE (OCCASIONALLY CREAM, BROWN, GRAY ALLOWED).

15) GIRLS MUST STARE AT EACH OTHER MORE GUYS STARE AT THEM.
16) ALWAYS DRESS LIKE YOU`RE GOING TO A PARTY...EVEN WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO WALMART.
17) HANG OUT IN COFFEE SHOPS WHEN THERE`S NOTHING TO DO.
18) GIRLS MUST BE MASTERS OF BUST-A-MOVE.
19) GUYS MUST BE MASTERS OF KILLER INSTINCT, MORTAL KOMBAT III and/or SFII.
20) MAKE EVERY EVENT A SOCIAL ONE--CHURCH, SCHOOL, FUNERALS...!

21) GUYS MUST WEAR THEIR CHOICE OF: ETERNITY, ESCAPE, COOL WATER.
22) GIRLS--DRESS SKIMPY ON A COLD DAY SO THAT A GUY HAS TO LEND YOU HIS COAT.
23) GUYS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE MALL W/OUT AT LEAST ONE SET OF DIGITS...THAT MEANS A PHONE NUMBERS
24) ALWAYS CHANGE YOUR PAGER GREETING AT LEAST 3 TIMES A DAY...SOMETIMES ADD CHEESY MUSIC FOR THE FULL 30 SECONDS TO PISS THE CALLERS OFF.

25) CARRY AT LEAST 1000 PICTURES AROUND W/ YOU WHEREVER YOU GO--PICTURES ONLY OF ASIANS OF COURSE...
26) TAKE PICTURES EVERYWHERE YOU GO...EVEN IN YOUR OWN DRIVEWAY, GUYS--ALWAYS LOOK RUFF & ALL HARD-CORE, LIFTING YOUR CHIN UP TO THE LENS, GIRLS--FAKE SMILE, OR NO SMILE.
27) GUYS--NEVER SAY HI VERBALLY BACK TO A GIRL...EITHER LIFT ONE EYEBROW, NOD YOUR CHIN (VERY COCKY), OR WINK THE MOST ANNOYING ONE).
28) FIT 9 PEOPLE IN A CAR, WHEN THE LIMIT IS 5.
29) WEAR A JADE NECKLACE, EVEN IF YOUR NOT INTO BUDDHA.

30) THERE MUST BE A STRINGY, ORIENTAL-LOOKING ORNAMENT DANGLING FROM THE MIRROR OF YOUR SOUPED-UP CAR.
31) GIRLS--BE ABNORMALLY OBSSESSED W/ SANRIO (KEROPPE, HELLO KITTY, POCHACCO, PEKKLE, ETC...)

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