Last week I went on a little road trip, representing this fine company. I flew into Kansas City on Sunday night, rented a Chevy Malibu and hit the road. Oh, how excited I was to see a new part of the country for six days. Just me, my Chevy, and the tunes of Lynnard Skynard. I had a long road ahead of me, driving from Kansas City to St. Louis, then to Little Rock, Arkansas, then to Jackson, Mississippi then to the last city, New Orleans.

Ahhh, New Orleans, The Big Easy, The Crescent City, Nawlins, a beautiful, old town with a rich history and a loose atmosphere, I couldn't wait to see it.

From Jackson, MS it's a straight shot down I-55 to New Orleans, with the last 20 miles on a bridge. You see, I sell a product that goes on bridges, so I was out seeing contractors who build bridges, so they have all sorts of stories about bridges. The bridge coming into New Orleans is actually about 20 miles long. Interesting to me, boring to you. Anyways, after three and a half hours in the car and about 1500 total miles on the road, I was looking forward to spreading out on the bed, watching a little TV and then head into The Big Easy to get some good cajun food and to see the French Quarter. I had only one customer to see in the morning, so I wasn't too worried about sleep and I really didn't sleep that well the entire week so what's one more night.

Nine o'clock rolls around and I head out to the city. Since I live in a city and knowing there were signs leading to Seattle's historical Pioneer Square, I just assumed that there would be signs leading to the French Quarter in New Orleans, right? Well, this is where my fun begins.

I set out with an empty stomach and a smile on my face, and an assumption that there'll be signs leading to the French Quarter. No problem. Hitting the freeway and a wall of red tail lights and amber flashing lights, frickin' construction and Seattle like trafffic at nine frickin' fifteen at night. This takes about thirty minutes to get through and i'm only about 5 minutes away with normal traffic, so now it's about 9:45 and i'm heading into town with an empty stomach searching for some good cajun cookin'. Shrimp Gumbo, BBQ'd Shrimp, Shrimp Kabobs....mmmm my mouth is watering just thinking about the spicy food. I'm being a tourist looking around, 'Wow look at the Superdome, it's huge. Wow look at all the bridges, there's sooo many of them, I wonder how many bearings there are on there, I wonder if any of Scougal's bearings are on the bridges. Cool. Oh wait, was I suppose to take I-10 or Hwy 90? I'll just go this way, i'm sure there'll be signs....anywhere....signs?' Now being in a strange city, you really don't want to be wandering around late at night because you might take a wrong turn and be in a neighborhood that doesn't like Chevy's or other things for that matter.

After going over this huge, cool looking steel bridge, across the great Mississippi River I decided I should turn back and head back into the city and look for signs, because apparently I missed them gauking at the bridges. So, as I pull off the freeway to find a route back onto the freeway heading back, I see a couple cop cars, lights flashing, up ahead of me in the McDonald's parking lot, talking with some dude. 'Oh, great, the good part of town.' No big deal, I see where I can get back on the freeway, so i'm safe.

The light turns green and I cruise up the on ramp headed back in the search of signs and food, i'm really hungry. 'Wait, what did that sign say, a frickin' toll bridge? A toll bridge? What? There wasn't one on the way over. Oh shit, this is a toll bridge, that means I have to pay to get back. One dollar. Do I have a dollar, oh shit, I don't have any cash. Change, change, I've got to have some change, but i'm almost to the toll booth, shit, shit slow down...HONK!!!, oh yeah, i have Missouri plates, the dumbass from out of town doesn't know what a toll bridge is. No, I'm actually looking for money, which I can't find. I've got 36 cents, not quite enough. Shit now what?' I pull up to the booth, with my tail between my legs, window rolled down, Lynnard turned down. 'Hi, I don't have a dollar.' she says in her southern drawl, 'then give me a five.' 'No, I don't have any money.' 'oh, well just a second, i'm going to have to make a call.' HONK!!! Jesus, this sucks. How embarrassing, I don't even have a frickin' dollar. 'Okay, darlin', pull through that gate over to the left there.' She was very nice about it. I pull up to the gate, it goes up and I pull through. 'Okay, now what, is the police going to come write me a ticket? hmmm, where's a sign at? No sign, oh wait here come's someone.' 'excuse me, where do i go?' 'just follow the road back up around.' cool, direction.

I follow the road, which leads down under the toll bridge. Okay, now where am I suppose to go? i started driving in a state of confusion, not knowing where i'm going and just kinda drivin' along slowly under the speed limit, looking for what? HONK!!! Signs, signs, where's there a sign. No signs. Here comes a fork in the road, so i stay to the right which i thought might sweep back under the bridge. But wait, that sign, there, I recognize that sign, what does it say? TOLL BRIDGE, ONE DOLLAR. OH...SHIT... YOU'RE FUCKIN' KIDDIN' ME!!!! I'm going back onto the same damn bridge!!!! Exit...Exit how the hell can I get off the on-ramp, sorry but there is no way to get off, so i slow down a bit, HONK!!! 'I can't believe this is happening, how the hell did I get back onto the same bridge? Oh crap, crap, crap.' I skipped over a few lanes to try and get back to the same woman that helped me about two minutes ago. HONK!!!! Well, here I go. I swallow my pride and pull up to the booth. ' Hi, I don't have a dollar, where's the gate? I was just here and know the routine' 'oh, darlin' jus' a sec' 'This is my first time in town, how do I get back to the other side?' She started to explain but I tuned her out immediately, thinking about what a dumbass I am for not having a dollar and then pulling a u-turn and getting back onto the same toll bridge, kinda laughing to myself the whole time. '...so that's how you get back if you don't want to pay the toll.' Eh? 'oh, where's an ATM?' 'everywhere. Oh darlin', i feel so bad for you.' I pull over to the gate, this time on the other side of the bridge and go back to the same road i was on about 5 minutes earlier and get in the left hand lane because I'm not going to do the whole routine over. Down the road a bit is a bank and an ATM, THANK GOD!!! I pull back onto the toll bridge, pay my toll, and back on my way.

Now it's about 10:45 and there still weren't any signs leading me to the French Quarter, so I head back to the hotel, hungry, laughing, and thinking about this story I get to tell about signs, toll bridges, and The Big Easy.