My loved one died.
There-it is in black and white. What I mean is, he's still alive, but his body died. And that's how I became a member of the comunity of the bereaved. And as a member, I ask for your understanding. Not your pity- your understanding.
As individuals, we in the community of the bereaved need you. Don't worry about saying the "right thing". We're tired of cliches. We know our "dear ones are at peace with God" and that they feel no pain.
But we stil miss their physical presence. There was this one person on earth to whom we were the most important; one person who knew us so completely that no words were necessary. We miss that.
If we seem distant, please understand. Some of us are still in shock. Even if the illness was long and the prognosis unfavorable, we maintained the hope that death wouldn't come. We had to. How else could we face each hour and encourage our loved one?
If we seem angry, please understand. Most of us are angry but we know that God accepts our anger and refines it into energy that will be vital in our outreach to others.
If tears come at inappropiate times and places, please understand. Our emotions, even yet, are raw. Just when we think we are in control, a song or a scent- or a feeling of utter desolation overcome us.
Or, if we laugh, know that deep inside we are hurting. We know that God has given us a gift of a sense of humor and that our oved ones are rejoicing that we are exercising this gift.
We may be forgetful. Sleep is elusive, we may not eat properly, we may make foolish purchases. Please don't condem us. Just know it can be part of the grieving process. In time, we'll come around.
And please, oh please, let us follow our own timetables. We each march or stumble along the route at our own pace. Grief has no calendar, don't hold us to a timetable. For the moment, we are drifting, bouyed by the love of God and our faith in Jesus Christ.
This faith, along with your understanding, will enable us- eventually- to celebrate life once again.