I would like to tell you all a story from real life about how I got addicted to coffee. It all happened a few years ago, I don't remember exactly when because I can't look back to times before my happy coffee-drinking days started. At some point of my life I just began drinking coffee all the time. It started with a small almost unnoticeable feeling in my stomach and slowly developed into a major roaring sound and a cruel pain in my belly, my whole body now aching, screaming for coffee, each and every part of my nervesystem hurting as if I was on fire.

Since that day I have always made sure to drink enough coffee and to always be within 10m reach of a giant mug. For my body remembers the pain. Every single cell I am made of remembers. Never again shall I feel like that day or I will drown myself in a tub filled with the blackest of coffees.

But I know now what has happened to me. I went to my doctor who got quite worried and he made take some major tests at the hospital. The answer just came in a few days ago, and I now have the knowledge of who I owe my coffee addiction, my only happyness, MY ENTIRE LIFE. Inside of me they found what they called an alien lifeform. A small snail like creature that lives out of the coffee I drink or - when I don't drink coffee - my nervesystem. I have named the creature: THE COFFEE-SLUG.

Daniel Larsen / Coffee-Cult leader - '97.