Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?
The nation.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"President Bill Clinton"
"President Bill CLinton who?"
"That's right Monica. NOW you can give your testimony."
Why does Monica always drink with a straw?
Practice.
What is the recipe for clinton stew?
A small weenie in hot water.
Ingredients for new, improved Clinton stew:
One small weenie, one tongue, one cooked goose, lots of spilled beans and hot water.
Why did Bill get into this predicament?
He didn't know that harass was one word.
What's clinton's new presidential anthem?
Kneel to the Chief.
How does Bill rationalize that oral sex is not a sexual relationship?
Because Monica didn't swallow.
Why cant they convict Monica?
She swallowed all the evidence.
What is the name of Hillary Clinton's new White House intern?
Lorena Bobbit
A reporter asked Clinton one day. " Was Monica lying?"
Clinton responded by saying. " No she was on her knees."
Did you hear that Paula Jones was able to positively identify the distinguishing markings on
Bill Clinton's genitals?
She correctly identified them as Gennifer Flowers's lipstick!
Headline in yesterday's paper - " Bush Finally Defeats Clinton ! "
How are bill and Monica alike?
They both claim not to have inhaled.
What is the Secret Service nickname for Bill's penis?
The Titanic...cause so many went down on it.
What did clinton say to Gore about the whole affair?
Pardon me.
What was clinton's last gift to Monica?
Spot remover.
Now it's ROGER Clinton who keeps asking, "What's my dumb brother gotten into?"
How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy to give her a ride.
What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes *he* did?
A dead girlfriend.
What does James Bond Have that Bill Clinton wishes
*he* did?
A LOT of dead Girlfriends!
Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird?
The spread eagle.
Advance script from the State of the Union Address:
"FOUR SCORES AND ..."
Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill every day at 5 am?
She wants to make sure that she is the first lady.
Bill Clinton said on the news lat night that he was ready to take Saddam Hussein out.
Saddam replied saying that it was okay as long as he didn't
have to sleep with him.
What position does Hilary play on clinton's sex team?
Left out...
What did Monica say when the FBI ask for the "Dress?"
Come and get it.
Why does clinton swim naked in the white house pool?
He is trolling for interns.
What does Nixon have in common with clinton?
Tricky Dick
Why do they call him slick willy?
K-Y Jelly
Clinton has established a new defense fund called S.U.C.K.
Send US Cash Kwik
Dr. clinton's prescription for interns:
Swallow two mouth fulls and call me in the morning.
When did clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
When she didn't swallow everything he presented.
What did Hillary tell Bill when the Paula Jones story broke?
"You putz I TOLD YOU to let Teddy Kennedy drive her home!
How's clinton like a condom?
He stands for inflation, halts productivity & covers up for pricks
... but you can see right through it if you look.
How can you tell you've just had sex with bill clinton?
You've got french fries in your hair, and Vernon Jordan
is handing you a job application.
What's bill clinton's favorite brand of potato chips?
Lays!!!!!!!
"One thing's for sure about clinton...
He sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs!"
You know Gennifer Flowers did a "spread" in Penthouse magazine.
That is good, for once, we get to see something clinton
has done.
What does Bill say to Hillary before a romantic interlude?
"Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
How many women does it take to satisfy bill clinton's sexual
appetite?
It Takes A Village!
What's the difference between bill clinton and a gigolo?
A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.
What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
To promote off-shore drilling.
Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
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