President French-Fry was out jogging when a Hooker standing on the corner hailed him. "Hey Mr. President! Fifty bucks!" "No, no." Bill replied with a grin, "Five bucks!" and kept on jogging. This exchange soon became a part of the President's normal routine. Each day as he'd approach the corner, the hooker would yell out, "Hey Mr. President... Fifty Bucks!" and Bill would holler back, "No, Five Bucks!" Well, one day, Hillary decided she wanted to go jogging with Bill. As they neared the corner, Bill suddenly realized what a terrible scene was about to happen. Sure enough, there was the hooker, and just like all the other times she smiled and waved and yelled out, "Hey Mr. President......See what you get for Five Bucks!"
Late one Friday night, as one of the White House cleaning ladies was dusting the oval office, she knocked over the President's prize parrot and killed it. She thought to herself, "What am I going to do... he really loves that bird." So she set out to find a new bird for the President.
She looked in every pet store in Washington but was unable to find a bird like the one she had killed. On her way home she noticed a pet store she had not visited and decided to stop and look. And there it was a parrot just like the one the President owned. She had to have it. When asked about the bird the store owner said, "Oh you don't want that bird ... it used to live in a brothel."Seeing no alternative, the cleaning lady said "I have to have it." The deal was done.
She quickly returned to the White House and had just enough time to get it in the Oval Office before the first family returned from Camp David.
As Chelsea walked in the parrot squaked "Eeeehhh... too young."
As Hillary walked in the parrot said "Eeehhh .... too old."
Finally, Bill walked in and the parrot said "Hello Bill."
Bill and the Pope die on the same day. By accident St Peter sends them to the wrong places. Bill goes to heaven and the Pope goes to hell. God, realizing there's been a dreadful mistake, sends St Peter down to hell to brings the Pope up to heaven. St Peter finds the Pope and takes him onto the escalator to heaven -- where halfway up they meet Bill and start to talk.
"I'm glad it's all a mistake", says the Pope, "At last I'll be able to realize my dream of meeting the Virgin Mary.
"You're five minutes too late!," replied Bill.
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