One crazy night in our small crazy town our friend, who will remain nameless for the sake of not being prosecuted for statutory rape, thought he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. This is what happened, this is how the Nato-man saved the day (or night, as it were.)
"She could be pregnant!"
He gasped with great fear
How could she be boy?
You came in her ear
Then an idea
Hit me in a whoosh
Where does she live?
We’ll take her a douche
"No, we can’t go there,
Her mom would get pissed!"
Well son, what’ll you do
When you find out she’s missed
She’s underage
A sweet little lass
In prison you’d make
A nice piece of ass
Unless you’d like to be bitch
To a large man named Chuck
The vinegar & water
Has to be snuck
We’ll buy a hamburger
To distract the dog
You pay for it boy
This is ‘cause of your log
So top-secret style
We planned for the hit
We drove by the place
And checked out their shit
And all in my mind
I formed out the plan
Then called upon the one & only
Superhuman...NATOMAN
We parked up the road
I took off walking
And the getaway guys
Just sat there talking
So burger in hand
And douche in my shorts
I could already read
The newspaper reports
By the time I got there
My stomach was growling
Fuck the dog, I’ll eat the burger
To Hell with his howling
So I snuck around back
And looked up at her winder
By this time I wanted
His nuts in a blender
So I flip-flopped my way
Back up the road
In the getaway car
I learned of his load
It didn’t go in
Despite all his shovin’
Oh, go fuck yourself
There’s no bun in the oven
Instead of worrying
About having a kid
Next time you get horny
Get a blowjob instead
I felt like a hero
Out righting the wrong
Caused by my friend
With his miniscule schlong
After going through the embarrassing trouble of buying a douche in his very own work place, we found out that he only spent his child-rearing goo on her in an area that could bear no children and never possibly bear fruit. I constantly thank God that these two are not reproducing.