I Before E Except After N

Oh, man, we're so excited
In fact, we're jumping up and down
We've been waiting all year
And now we're coming to your town
After three days in our Moby
No one's killed each other yet
We pull up to the hall with dreams of our coming set

Hey, look, there's a guy working so carefully
On our name in giant letters in that groovy marquee
Come one, come all, and see
From all the way back east
Tonight we've got The Neilds
With an "N-E-I-L-D"

So now we start to wonder
Where did this guy go to school?
I guess that place where they teach that long lost golden rule:

Audience: I before E except after N

There comes a time for every band
When you get your name in print
When you're picked or when you're panned
Now just the other night we got our big chance
Everything went great, except Katryna split her pants

Today in the paper this guy wants you all to know
He came into town last night and saw the greatest show
It was two sisters and their brother
Boy, that made us proud
There was no one playing bass
And the drums were a little loud

Well, there was really nothing there to cause us any terror
But in Helvetica at the top, that one glaring error
It may just be a case of one guy and his thickness
But from what I've seen, it's a nationwide sickness

Audience: I before E except after N

So we've got all these friends and some critical raves
And to top it all off we're on the airwaves
Now, we were on the radio to chat with a big DJ
Everything was fine and then he just had to say
"I'm here with the...hmm"
A pause
Someone said, "Oh, no"

Well, I couldn't take it any more, so I said,
"Listen up, Bobo
We're not the Nindles, or the Nids, or the Nerds, or the Eels
Your name is Jack so I'll call you Jerry
Just so you know how it feels"

"Whoa," he said, "I'm just trying to do my best
I know you're The Neilds, N-E-I-L-D-S"

Every time I see it, it makes me want to wield a hammer
I know it's just a little bit of grammar

Audience: I before E except after N

Dave Chalfant © Chalfantian

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