last modified: 14-11-2002

"De Grappen pagina"



Alfa Romeo        : Alleen Lastige Flut Auto's Roesten Onder Meest Eenvoudige Omstandigheden
Audi              : Als U Duwen Interesseerd
Austin            : Autotechnisch Uitgestorven Stuk techniek In Nood
B.L.              : Bijzonder Lullig
BMW               : Boeren Mest wagen
Citroen           : Claxon Indrukken Terwijl Roestig Onderstel Even Nivelleerd
DAF               : Duwen Anders Fietsen
Daihatsu          : Dit Autootje Is Helemaal Auto Technisch Sloopklaar Uitgerust
Daimler           : Door Allerlei Interessante Mechanieken Langdurig Extravagante reparaties
Datsun            : Door Allerlei Technische Snufjes Uitermate Noodbehoevend
DKW               : Duitse Kinder Wagen
Ferrari           : Fanatieke Egoistische Rakkers Rijden Alleen Rasechte Italianen
FIAT              : Fiasco In Auto Techniek
Ford              : Ford Onderdelen Rammelen Dagelijks
FSO               : Fabrieksmatig Slecht Ontwerp
Honda             : Hoge Onderhoudskosten Na Dure Aanschaf
Isuzu             : Instabiel Stecht Uitgerust Zwabberend Uitspugsel
Jaguar            : Jarenlang Allerlei Gecompliceerde Autotechnische Revisies
Jeep              : Je Eerste Echte Paard
Lotus             : Laat Onze Tractoren U Slepen
Lada              : Lelijkste Afval Der Autotechniek
Lancia            : Lullig Autootje Naar Catastofale Italiaanse Afbeelding
Mazda             : Miserabele Auto Zonder Degelijke Afwerking
Mercedes          : Met Enige Rijlessen Controleert Elke Dwaas Een Slagschip
MG                : Massaal Gerammel
Mitsubishi        : Met Interessante Techniek Speciaal Uitgevoerde Bakfiets In Slechte Hedendaagse Improvisatie
Nissan            : Na Iedere Start Snel Alles Nakijken
NSU               : Na Starten Uitgeput
Opel              : Overal Pech En Last
Peugeot           : Probeer Eens Uw Geluk En Ondervind Trammelant
Renault           : Roest En Narigheid Achtervolgen U Lange Tijd
Rover             : Roest Overal Voortijdig En Razendsnel
Saab              : Steeds Allerlei Abnormale Bakbeesten
Seat              : Seriematige Ellende Als Toekomst
Simca             : Steeds Interessant Mechanisch Cabaal Achterin
Skoda             : Soms Klapperd Ook Dit Afval
Subaru            : Steeds Uitermate Belachelijke Abnormale Rammelende Uitvindigen
Suzuki            : Sjees U Zelf Uw Kist In
Talbot            : Technisch Als Lullig Bestempelde Onvervalste Teleurstelling
Toyota            : Totaal Onveilig Yapans Ontwerp Tegen Afvalprijs
Vauxhall          : Volgens Allerlei Uitgesproken Xenomanen Haast Altijd Lullig Langzaam
Volvo             : Volgens Onze Leraren Volkomen Onveilig
VW                : Volkomen Waardeloos
Yamaha            : Yapanse Arbeiders Maken Alles Half Af
Zastava           : Zielig Autotechnisch Systeem Tenslotte Als Vuilnis Aanvaard

Weet U nog een leuke laat het dan even weten, kan ik ook lachen...
Alvast bedankt !



Dat de Politie en Justitie niet veel meer waard zijn dat weten we allemaal maar nu zijn ze er zelf ook achter:
Alles staat in de verkoop !

crazy Bertje
Helaas Uitverkocht !!!!


Yugo Jokes:

Yugo Jokes


More car jokes:

More Car Jokes


Trabbi witze:

Trabbi Witze(1)

Trabbi Witze(2)
Haynes translator !!

Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with mole grips then beat repeatedly with hammer.....
anticlockwise.

Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles!........on both hands.

Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell matey!

Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now
you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.

Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...

Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).

Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!

Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers
to dig out that pesky bayonet bit.

Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your
forehead are throbbing. Then re-check the manual because this cannot be
'lightly' what you are doing now.

Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!

Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!

Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it
up?

Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a
low, tiny, 'widdle number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was
a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to
you).

Haynes: Three spanner rating.
Translation: But Ducatis are easy to maintain right... right? So you
think three Ducati spanners has got to be like a 'regular bike' two
spanner job.

Haynes: Four spanner rating.
Translation: You aren't seriously considering this are you, you pleb!

Haynes: Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't expect to ride it afterwards!!!

 
Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at,
throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the garage
For whilst muttering "bugger" repeatedly under your breath.

Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at it really hard and pretend you know what you are
looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I
thought, it's going to need a new one"!

Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself!

Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.

Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much
harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you
can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.

Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.

Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...

Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!

Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone

Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.

Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book except the thing you
want to do!



Back to my Classic Cars main page

If you have any nice jokes please E-mail me.

Bert's email adres


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