last modified: 14-11-2002
Alfa Romeo : Alleen Lastige Flut Auto's Roesten Onder Meest Eenvoudige Omstandigheden Audi : Als U Duwen Interesseerd Austin : Autotechnisch Uitgestorven Stuk techniek In Nood B.L. : Bijzonder Lullig BMW : Boeren Mest wagen Citroen : Claxon Indrukken Terwijl Roestig Onderstel Even Nivelleerd DAF : Duwen Anders Fietsen Daihatsu : Dit Autootje Is Helemaal Auto Technisch Sloopklaar Uitgerust Daimler : Door Allerlei Interessante Mechanieken Langdurig Extravagante reparaties Datsun : Door Allerlei Technische Snufjes Uitermate Noodbehoevend DKW : Duitse Kinder Wagen Ferrari : Fanatieke Egoistische Rakkers Rijden Alleen Rasechte Italianen FIAT : Fiasco In Auto Techniek Ford : Ford Onderdelen Rammelen Dagelijks FSO : Fabrieksmatig Slecht Ontwerp Honda : Hoge Onderhoudskosten Na Dure Aanschaf Isuzu : Instabiel Stecht Uitgerust Zwabberend Uitspugsel Jaguar : Jarenlang Allerlei Gecompliceerde Autotechnische Revisies Jeep : Je Eerste Echte Paard Lotus : Laat Onze Tractoren U Slepen Lada : Lelijkste Afval Der Autotechniek Lancia : Lullig Autootje Naar Catastofale Italiaanse Afbeelding Mazda : Miserabele Auto Zonder Degelijke Afwerking Mercedes : Met Enige Rijlessen Controleert Elke Dwaas Een Slagschip MG : Massaal Gerammel Mitsubishi : Met Interessante Techniek Speciaal Uitgevoerde Bakfiets In Slechte Hedendaagse Improvisatie Nissan : Na Iedere Start Snel Alles Nakijken NSU : Na Starten Uitgeput Opel : Overal Pech En Last Peugeot : Probeer Eens Uw Geluk En Ondervind Trammelant Renault : Roest En Narigheid Achtervolgen U Lange Tijd Rover : Roest Overal Voortijdig En Razendsnel Saab : Steeds Allerlei Abnormale Bakbeesten Seat : Seriematige Ellende Als Toekomst Simca : Steeds Interessant Mechanisch Cabaal Achterin Skoda : Soms Klapperd Ook Dit Afval Subaru : Steeds Uitermate Belachelijke Abnormale Rammelende Uitvindigen Suzuki : Sjees U Zelf Uw Kist In Talbot : Technisch Als Lullig Bestempelde Onvervalste Teleurstelling Toyota : Totaal Onveilig Yapans Ontwerp Tegen Afvalprijs Vauxhall : Volgens Allerlei Uitgesproken Xenomanen Haast Altijd Lullig Langzaam Volvo : Volgens Onze Leraren Volkomen Onveilig VW : Volkomen Waardeloos Yamaha : Yapanse Arbeiders Maken Alles Half Af Zastava : Zielig Autotechnisch Systeem Tenslotte Als Vuilnis Aanvaard Weet U nog een leuke laat het dan even weten, kan ik ook lachen... Alvast bedankt !
Dat de Politie en Justitie niet veel meer waard zijn dat weten we allemaal maar nu zijn ze er zelf ook achter:
Alles staat in de verkoop !
crazy Bertje
Helaas Uitverkocht !!!!
Yugo Jokes:
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Trabbi Witze(2)
Haynes translator !!
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise. Translation: Clamp with mole grips then beat repeatedly with hammer..... anticlockwise. Haynes: This is a snug fit. Translation: You will skin your knuckles!........on both hands. Haynes: This is a tight fit. Translation: Not a hope in hell matey! Haynes: As described in Chapter 7... Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox. Haynes: Pry... Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into... Haynes: Undo... Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size). Haynes: Retain tiny spring... Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"! Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb... Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out that pesky bayonet bit. Haynes: Lightly... Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing. Then re-check the manual because this cannot be 'lightly' what you are doing now. Haynes: Weekly checks... Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it! Haynes: Routine maintenance... Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be! Haynes: One spanner rating. Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up? Haynes: Two spanner rating. Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, 'widdle number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you). Haynes: Three spanner rating. Translation: But Ducatis are easy to maintain right... right? So you think three Ducati spanners has got to be like a 'regular bike' two spanner job. Haynes: Four spanner rating. Translation: You aren't seriously considering this are you, you pleb! Haynes: Five spanner rating. Translation: OK - but don't expect to ride it afterwards!!! Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this... Translation: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Haynes: Compress... Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the garage For whilst muttering "bugger" repeatedly under your breath. Haynes: Inspect... Translation: Squint at it really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"! Haynes: Carefully... Translation: You are about to cut yourself! Haynes: Retaining nut... Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust. Haynes: Get an assistant... Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know. Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed. Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs. Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal. Translation: But you swear in different places. Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs... Translation: Snap off... Haynes: Using a suitable drift... Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift! Haynes: Everyday toolkit Translation: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone Haynes: Apply moderate heat... Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat. Haynes: Index Translation: List of all the things in the book except the thing you want to do!
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